Happy New Year...

Wherever the road may take you, go with peace, happiness and health!

Another year has come and almost gone. This was a good year. I got a new job, one I really really enjoy, one that has the potential to be more. My family is healthy. My friends are healthy. My children are growing into wonderful little people. They challenge me, which is what they are supposed to do, right! We live in a part of the world where we can walk out our door everyday knowing we live in a safe place.

My oldest child goes next week for his temporary drivers licence. I can remember how great it felt when I got mine - the freedom, the independence. My brother (my twin brother) got a car before me - boys tend to do that - but he would always let me borrow it whenever I wanted. It was a boat...I felt like I was floating down the road. It was built like a tank. Along with the freedom and independence also comes the thinking that we are unbreakable...I know my boy thinks that way but I hope he takes slow easy steps and that danger never comes his way.

I don't know what 2008 has in store for any of us but I hope it takes us with gentleness and well being.

Good-bye 2007!
Hello 2008!

Merry Christmas

Sunday we had our annual 'Christmas tree hunt'.
The day begins with a potluck and then off to the tree plantation to get our trees.
Sarah was wondering how many years we had been doing this.
5 years, she was 4.
And over the years some of the faces have changed.
There are 4 families that have been there from year 1 and others that
joined later and continue to be there. Some we continue to miss and wait for their return.
This year Alex (16) tried to be the tough guy and said he wasn't going. This is now a family tradition, every year we look forward to spending this day with our friends - our family.
So there was no way he was stay home, and besides,
I know he enjoys this day as much as the rest of us.
There is always someone that starts the snowball fight. Kris!?
The kids roll and play in the snow and these year we have lots of it.
It was a beautiful day, too. Not too cold. We remembered other years that were so cold we didn't venture too far into the bush and we weren't too picky with our trees, get in and get out.
The first couple of years we went to a different place. It was beautiful. Rolling hills, bush trail, wide open spaces. The first year there we walked forever, down through the bush along the trail and out into the open fields and way across to the farthest hilltop.
It was wonderful to look back to where we had come from and see the lay of the land. It wasn't so wonderful when we had to walk back but with a few complaints and lots of laughs the day became the beginning of a great Christmas tradition.

Merry Christmas!

When you "stop to smell the roses"

How many times have I driven by here and have never seen them before...
why did I see them today?
I am glad I took the time to stop...I'm going back some day with my tripod.One holds the other up. They all keep each other together.

Winter is coming.
Today a cold wind blew.
Giant snow flakes blew in from the north.
The trees are almost bare.
Winter is coming!

Playing in the rain

It was raining yesterday, at times it was just a slow drizzle. My 9 year old daughter was given a new umbrella Friday. Yesterday she asked, "Mom, can I go for a walk in the rain?" Being an adult, who at times has lost sight of her inner child, my first reaction was to say no. But then I thought about it for a second and thought what fun, how great to be a child and to play in the rain. I remember doing that. Don't you? I remember running through the water puddles - bare foot. It was the best of times. I remember driving my bicycle through the puddles, feet off the peddles the water splashing right up to my seat. The bigger the puddle the faster we drove. Walking in the rain, clothes completely soaked.

A few years ago a bunch of us were out 4-wheeling. When we started the day there were a few puddles from a rain shower the night before. We made sure to drive around them. As the day progressed we got caught in a rain storm...it rained so hard we could hardly see, the rain was beating down on us, pelting our faces. I stopped to pour the water out of my digital camera...it's a wonder it ever worked again. Everyone else had a rain suit but I didn't take one because I knew it wasn't going to rain...yeah, right! They all laughed at me when the rain started - I laughed at them when we got back to the camp and they were no dryer than I was.
As we got wetter and wetter we also got colder and colder. We were an hour from our camp. At first we felt so miserable - wet and cold and so far to go. But as the day went on it became fun, why miss the puddles - we couldn't get any wetter - and what we realized was that the water in the puddles was WARM. OMG, you can't imagine how good it felt to feel some sort of warmth so we hit every puddle we could find on our way back. And because of that we were so muddy but no one cared. It was a good day. We went back to the camp, started a fire, dried our clothes or changed into dry ones and hopped back on the bikes when the rain stopped and headed out again. By the end of the day we were cold, dirty and tired but we had so much fun.
So, of course I let Sarah walk in the rain. How could I not.

Nightlife

Spent the afternoon and evening in Ottawa. Met some friends on their way back from a Home and School conference in Montreal. They stayed the night at Les Suites, Viv and I came home. Took the 7 of us an hour of walking around the Market to finally decide where we wanted to eat...our last choice - Lone Star - was one step away from returning to their room at Les Suites and ordering pizza. Everything we do always includes alot of decision making...oh, well, it adds to the mix and flavour of our friendship...that and some well-meaning joking around and making fun of each other...last night we were compared to the "steel magnolias", you know the Julia Roberts movie of the same name.
It's been awhile since we were all together, some of us were missing though. It's good to get together with good friends and just laugh for no reason.

Growing up too fast!

16 years old on Oct. 21...where did the little boy go!
Often time moves along faster than we may be prepared to deal with.

Where did the years go?
Have I prepared you for what is out there?
Will you make all the necessary right decisions?
Will you remain safe and out of harms way?

Please don't take any unnecessary risks.
Be happy.

Love you!

Pleasures in life...

...come in small and large packages, embracing them is half the fun!

I was asked to do a website for a friend who wants to use it to sell her sheep and to show her farm and animals...the above big guy being one of her "pets".

I was told I would find the horses out in the field one day and if I did to just stop and shoot...

Kris and I were on our way home from doing a photo shoot at a daycare and I used this guy and his buddies as a way of grabbing some quiet and downtime before heading home to my own kids.
12 toddlers from the age of 1 year to 5 years plus we did a few family shots...it was certainly a workout. At one point I was lying on the floor, trying to seize the moment and Kris was sitting on my back trying to get a little one to "look this way". It's a lot of work sometimes but usually a lot of fun. We get in "the zone" and we each just do our own thing and before we know it the photos are all taken and it's time to pack up and go home...totally exhausted. And to add to it all, I feel very fortunate to have found someone who is not only a wonderful friend but someone that I really enjoy working with.

I usually always travel with my camera, today was no exception, this is the view I found on my way home from work.

Week two of the new job and I am loving it. Nothing like 'trial by fire' though. I am training while doing. Last issue was a small issue, thank goodness, but his one has 29 pages. But already I am starting to feel more comfortable. Tomorrow I am going to be left on my own, all alone, by myself, no one to hold my hand - as my daughter said, "left alone to make mistakes?", (she's 9) yes...hope the mistakes are few but at least I can still fall back on the fact that I am in training, the editor has been there for 3 years and he's still blaming his screw ups on being a newbie.

School is in next Wednesday. Sarah is dying to know who her grade 4 Teacher will be but I am sworn to secrecy. I am happy to say she will be pleasantly surprised and most of her friends will be with her. She won't find out until the first day back. I almost told her this morning but I will enjoy seeing her face when her name is called to join the rest of her class. The Principal will give a little speech and call each teacher one by one and call off the names of the students of her class to join her. From there each class will head off down the hall towards their classroom. It is always an exciting time. Used to be that the students knew before the first day of school which Teacher they had. The kids used to call each other to ask who they got and if they were in each other's class. There certainly is a lot more anticipation this way.

Shawville Fair starts next Thursday. Kids plan on spending a lot of time there, a lot of money too. If you haven't been to the Shawville Fair you are missing out on one of the greatest little fairs in the Pontiac, "up the line". It's a real agricultural experience with horse and cattle shows, there always very strong showing by our young 4H members. Maria Hawkins will be here - she's a great performer from Ottawa. Always a great source of entertainment and a great way to say 'good-bye' to summer.

Can't believe Ben will be 12 on the 3oth of August. He has asked for 4-wheeling gear, pants and jersey...can't wait to see him all decked out. He's gotten over the fact that he has to start school on or near his birthday each year. This year he didn't even ask for a party. He has asked if his buddy Matt can spend the night - his school gives them a day off on the Friday, which turns out to be the day after his birthday - because a lot of the kids are either 4-H members or skip school to go to the fair so the school has gotten smart and closed for the day - attendance was always very low so why not. We have plans to go out for breakfast on the Friday morning with our friends visiting from Calgary and Kris and her twins.

Friends leave to go back to Calgary on the 3rd., really going to miss them. The girls stayed here for the first week. Mom and Dad came in later. When they left the house was sadly quiet, they fit right right in just like one of the family. Alex and Ben drove to Bristol and took the girls 4-wheeling one day, they all had a blast.

Too bad they weren't back here living, I could see the 4 of them spending a lot of time together - hanging out, 4-wheeling. Alex says he misses them. Emma, the girl on the red bike with Alex punched him in the nose when they were in grade 6 and made his nose bleed. He cried, it's always going to be something he gets teased about - Emma was so tiny and the last person in the world who would ever hit someone but Alex was bugging her so she let him have it. Too funny! Grace says she wants Ben to be her brother, not sure that's how he wants to be thought of, secretly he has always had a bit of a crush on her...they are the two on the blue bike.

Summer has gone by too fast, can't say we had a great summer weather-wise but the time spent has been great.

Back to school

Spent the day in Ottawa gathering up the last bits and pieces of back to school clothing, left the kids at home so I would only get what they need, mission accomplished! I think I am finally ready for them to head back, style-wise that is...I've hit all the fashionable shops and got all the proper clothing to assure that everyone looks their best - and spent way too much money, as usual, even though every year I tell myself this will be the year that I cut back.

Ben has his orientation to High School tomorrow, can't believe he is there - he's just so small and young, he only turns 12 next Thursday. He'll have is big brother there so he won't be alone. His big brother is supposed to be there to protect him, isn't he, guess I should remind Alex of that so he doesn't think Ben is just a "groundhog" - a lowly grade 7.

Even managed to squeeze in a great lunch date - thanks Kris, think we both needed that - for sure I did.

What does being a friend mean?

Does being a friend mean we have to always give? Maybe being a friend means we can sometimes take. Because when we are giving that means that someone is taking and when we are taking we are allowing someone to give.
I've been going around this thought for awhile. I have a very good friend who calls when she needs help, it's not important what kind of help, what is important is that she knows she can call me and I will be there for her, no matter what. But I don't give her the chance to help me as much. It's not that I don't know she will always be there for me, too, because she is the very best at being a friend, it's that I don't want to take advantage of her kindness. She is a busy person who doesn't need to take on any more burdens or tasks. But am I hurting our friendship by not taking what she is offering in the name of friendship? In the past she has inquired about how I am doing and so as not to burden her I just say things are great...especially when they are not and she has made remarks that have left me feeling like I am not upholding my end of our friendship - I am not giving her the chance to help me, to make me feel better, to ease my burden. Friendship can be complicated.
Lately, I've been feeling distant from her. I know that it's all my doing. It's self-preservation, I tend to distance myself from people when I am not feeling quite myself. It seems like the easy thing to do, keep some distance so that I don't expose too much of myself, so I don't become too vulnerable and really, there is only so much that even a really good friend needs to deal with. She knows when I'm not quite myself and I know she has noticed that I have not been very forthcoming lately. I know she has wanted to help, to offer help but I haven't left that door open to her and for that I am sorry. I value our friendship but lately I haven't been holding up my end.
So maybe being a friend means that you have to let people in, you have to take and allow your friend to give.

Mental health day

Exhaustion can take it's toll. It can wear a person down, mentally and physically. It can make dealing with life all that more difficult. Sometimes we need to take a day just for ourselves. I say there should be a "mental health day". It can be difficult to take time away, what we need will always be the most difficult to achieve. There are family commitments, work commitments and everything else in between and there will be sacrifices along the way but it's important to step back sometimes and take a rest and get a different prospective on things. It's not necessarily that we have to go somewhere, getting away can be a state of mind. We think that we are letting our family down if we are not always there for them, but being there for them, in what capacity. Are we doing them any favors if we are so exhausted and worn out that we are incapable of being ourselves. I have a friend that I am sure she probably feels that I am crazy when I say I have to walk away every once in a while but I have to, for me and my family. Because there are just those days when it's difficult to keep it all going and it's healthier to walk away than to stay. It's healthier for me and it's healthier for my family. I can go away, even if it's just for a few hours, and come back in a different frame of mind. There are times in our lives when life gets the best of us - kids, husband, work, commitments...whatever, but all it takes sometimes is to just step away and take some time to regenerate, to come back refreshed and with a new approach to life and it's ups and downs.

Catch up time

It was a girlfriends night. 7 of us met for dinner at Mexicali Rosa's in Aylmer then onto Hull to watch the movie "Stardust". Great movie, go see it.

Tomorrow is day 4 of the new job. I am really enjoying it, I think I have finally found my place. It will take awhile for me to feel comfortable with my ability but it will come with time. All those late night hours playing around learning different computer programs has finally paid off. Today I was Photoshopping, Quarking all on a MAC, never used a MAC before - always been a PC gal.

I know what happened to Harry Potter.

17 more days until back to school. Still have to do some clothes shopping for the kids. Not really looking forward to school starting, kind of like the lazy days of summer and having the kids around. They have been doing exactly what kids should do all summer - sleep and hang-out.

1st. day on the job

Today was my first day of my new job, it was really a day of training. This was probably the only day of training that I will get that doesn't count as real work because the rest will be 'trial by fire', from now on it will be doing the actual work involved with layout of the newspaper.

This is going to take some re-training of my way of working because I don't usually have such a tight dead-line with any work I have previously done. It's different when you know you have a few weeks to work on, say a brochure, instead of just a few days. I've always liked the ability to take my time and re-jig things until I like the layout. I am being told that I should be able to do an article within a half hour...a real complicated one might take an hour - #$@%

I already like who I am going to be working with. Nancy seems like my kind of person. I've already been told that if I screw up too much she will swear at me - sounds like any one of my friends. Dana, the joker of the bunch, seems like she will be fun and easy to get along with. The Editor is a bit of a crack-pot but I already knew that going in having known him or of him for a few years. The hours seem like they will be pretty flexible, I even got my own office key so that I can go in at anytime to get my work done, don't think I will be doing that for awhile though - best to get a few editions under my belt.

My brother dreamed my death

My twin brother called tonight. We were talking about plans he has and about me starting my new job on Thursday. In the middle of our conversation he said "oh, guess what, I dreamed about your death the other night." "How did I die?" "Was I old?" His reply to this one was "how old are you now" he always was a shithead. He thinks he remembers it being from some disease. According to him this means big things are in the future for me. I'm wondering what can be bigger than death?!
He did say it was a good funeral.
Jack Ass!

This could be me. This is me.

This pretty much explains me lately - it was strange reading it because it comes so close to sounding like me - instead of going to bed though I grab my mp3 and go for a walk and try to clear out my head. Having someone to talk to as I walk would be nice but it's hard to tell people how you feel, it's hard for them to understand, I don't really understand it myself. It's so much easier to say "things are good", I've seen eyes glaze over (oh shit, here she goes again) when I try to talk about it. So, I try not to talk about it anymore and at times I distance myself. Distancing seems like an easy solution; not sure I am protecting myself or everyone else.

Day of relaxation

It was a good day for relaxing, spent most of it on the back deck with my book and some tunes. Got some sun, had a visit with a friend. Friend and I took kids for ice-cream then back to her
place for a swim and a few laughs, which haven't been too plentiful lately. Couldn't ask for a better day.



This is NOT the deck I was relaxing on but having relaxed in the past here I can say this is an ideal relaxing place, will always be one of my favorite places to hang out - with the right companion/s. Doesn't it look inviting?

Can't wait for your next trip home Lora; we'll have a few drinks while enjoying the view - I'll even help with the flowerbeds.

Teenager Home

Boy home unscathed, bike not so lucky - broken sprocket in the rear. With a broken bike that means the boy will be staying closer to home.

So all is good and safe for another day.

Teenage boys

Teenage boys think they are invincible. I don't know what Alex does on his 4-wheeler when he and his buddies head out to have fun. I don't think I want to know. So far, he has come home at the end of the day in one piece...well, once or twice there have been a few pieces missing but he always manages to come home. The bike, on the other hand, has not been so lucky. Usually it needs some kind of overhaul. The last time it was something with the rear end. The time before that it was the front end. The time before that it was a total rebuild of the motor...and so on and so on. But Dad, who has first hand knowledge of how well he can handle his machine, seems to think all is well. After all, Alex has been driving a 4-wheeler since he was 1 year old. He started with a battery powered one for his 2nd. Christmas and as he has grown so has the machine. And I do know he is a good rider my problem comes from knowing that when boys get together they can talk each other into almost anything, each one trying to out do the next. And my boy is easily influenced, not always known for using the best judgment.

All this to say he is off on yet another adventure with his buddies. He leaves without too many details on how he thinks his day will play out leaving me to wonder when he will be home and hoping it will continue to be safely. Dad is gone to the camp for a few days so that leaves me to worry and fret alone.

Days like this makes me long for the days when he was just a toddler playing in the yard, always within arms reach - safe.

My head and emotions have been like this lately...



...but I am starting to feel it clearing up a bit.

hmmmmmmmm

Ok, found my quiet place, in the grocery store - of all places
Made the mistake of coming home though,
Kids still fighting
Mess they were to clean up still lying around.
Sister screams at brother to leave her alone instead of just leaving the room
Brother teases sister because she screams when he bothers her.
Mother steps in and this time everyone else is shown to a quiet place...bedrooms can be a great place of solitude.
AHHHHHHH, hear the quiet.

Stressed

Stressed and overwhelmed
Can't stand the noise
Children fighting and arguing
Need to run
Need to escape
Nowhere to go
Who would understand
Can't get the noise to stop
Can't find peace
Why does there always have to be an argument
Why all the noise
Unceasing shouting and screaming
Kids being kids?
Mom overwhelmed
I need a break
Going now
Had enough
Need to find my own quiet place

Latest movies seen

Evening
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Last Mimzy
Charlotte's Web
The Pursuit of Happiness
Casino Royale
Flags of Our Fathers
Premonition
The Lake House
Dream Girls
Flags of Our Fathers
Eragon
Little Miss Sunshine
Blood Diamond

Latest CDs I bought

Serena Ryder - If Your Memory Serves You Well
Jessie Cook - Frontiers
Shaye - Lake of Fire

Books I've read

Plain Truth - Jodi Picoult
The Year of Magical Thinking - Joan Didion
She's Come Undone - Wally Lamb
I Know This Much Is True - Wally Lamb
Tara Road - Maeve Binchy
Glass Lake - Maeve Binchy
Mermaid Chair - Sue Kidd
Whispers and Lies - Joy Fielding
Crow Lake - Mary Lawson
The Other Side of the Bridge - Mary Lawson
Under the Tuscan Sun - Frances Mayes
Night - Elie Wiesel
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou
The Stone Angel - Margaret Laurence
The Diviners - Margaret Laurence
The Fire Dwellers - Margaret Laurence
The Stone Diaries - Carol Shields
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison

Crazy days

Hormones or the "change of life"... whatever it is I don't like it.
And it's not something I can just shake off, or tell myself it will go away.

Look what I found...isn't it beautiful - Queen Anne's Lace - grows wild on the side of the road.
It was just standing there all alone, one flower. I couldn't resist stopping to take a picture.

Went out last night to take photos but my battery died so I back tracked tonight with the battery freshly charged.

New Job..

As a very good friend said,

"Holy crap - you are no longer a house wife - you are a professional!!!!!"

After so many years of being a house wife, and we're not saying that's a bad thing; although it is nice when the 'cell doors' finally do open, it feels great to be doing something I really enjoy. And especially, with so many years of volunteer work I am finally going to be paid for all the stuff I have been doing for free.

I will be working, on contract, at one of the local papers in the production department. Now, this is not a big paper and there really is only one room where we will all be working and it's only put out twice a month but all that doesn't matter, it's the fact that I got the job. Out of 3 that were interviewed I was told I was the best candidate -

1. all the experience I have accumulated from my many volunteer positions I have a wide background in layout and design
2. I am well known in the volunteer community, if they don't know my face they know my name and apparently I have a good reputation - WOW, it's a shock when you hear these things about yourself.
3. I am from the area, which was one criteria for the job
4. and they sort of came looking for me. A friend called and said "you should phone Lynne, she is looking for someone for the paper". Apparently, they had run a couple of ads but hadn't hooked anyone yet. this Lynne had stopped my friend's office to ask her if she knew of someone and my name came up to which the reply was "that's who I was thinking about".

So I did call Lynne and after scrambling to put together a CV, I went to the interview and aced it, or at least out of the 3 who applied I was the best suited, had the most experience, and they were impressed with my work examples. YIPPEE!

So, I guess I am a professional!

Allow me to ramble...

There was a police stand-off in my quiet little community today. A guy with obvious problems was holdup in his house for most of the day supposedly threatening to kill himself. The local news reports that his parents had called the police because they were concerned over his mental state. How does it become so bad that the only answer a person feels they are left with is to commit suicide? I didn't know but my 15 year old and his buddies watched the whole thing, saw the police shoot the guy. I don't know how I would be feeling after seeing something like that. He said it was really scary. I can't even imagine.

I went for a drive the other day. Couldn't stay in the house any longer. It was Sunday, we had been planning to head to the cottage but it was raining and cold so we were all stuck in the house all day, together. Felt like the walls were tumbling in around me. The kids were arguing. The husband was ignoring it. I felt like a ball of nerves. I was making supper and couldn't get it ready fast enough. I made KD lasagna - threw it together and into the oven, grabbed my camera and ran out the door. While making a mad dash for my van I informed my husband that supper was in the oven, make sure it didn't burn, the kids were driving me crazy, I wouldn't be here to eat, I was outta here. I hit the back roads, cranked up the tunes, and cried. Cried. Not the loud sobbing kind of cry, just the quiet tears running down the face kind. Felt much better after a good cry. But there I was driving down the road hoping I didn't meet someone and if I did I hoped they wouldn't know that I was crying. (I live in a small community where everyone knows everyone)

Stay tuned, I feel the rambling is not completely over...

Chick flick + friends = one great night

There's nothing better than an evening spent with girlfriends, especially when those same girlfriends are ready for some fun. We went to the AMC Kanata to see "Evening". 4 of us went out early to do some shopping and to take full advantage of a night out...might as well use up as much of it as we can. The rest met us at the theatre just in time for the mopping up - as Kris got up to get more butter for the popcorn my drink was knocked out of the cup holder and poured all over the floor, including the row in front of us which was soon to be taken over by 4 older ladies - notice I didn't say OLD Ladies because as we noted while leaving the theatre that would be us in a few years, if we are so lucky. Anyway,most of the spill got mopped up but most was missed only to become a wet gooey mess below out feet, including the feet of the ladies in the row in front of us.

If you checked out the link for the movie you will realize that it's not a comedy but that didn't stop us, or the ladies in the row in front of us...after the spill and the usual banter about whose fault it was the second half of our group started throwing stuff over my shoulder. OK, yes, sometimes we can act like children...some of you will know exactly what I mean and some of you will be envious of us and those who know what I mean. Every once in awhile it is great to just cut loose and totally relax, without children, without spouses...with our girlfriends, the people we can truly be ourselves with.

The food throwing and the spilled drink ---- and the stress of the last few weeks and the happiness of being able to sit quiet for the entire length of a movie without having to be referee, cook, house cleaner, slave, etc., was enough to have Kris and I laughing beyond control which enticed the rest of our group to join in as did the ladies in the row in front of us. This is when we realized these ladies were out for a good time, too. At first we thought we were bothering them but we realized that wasn't the case when one turned around and asked if we had been "smoking some of that whacky tobaccy". We all had a great laugh.
Then half way through the movie, at one particularly sad moment one of the ladies in the row in front of us went to push herself back into her seat when her foot slipped on the spilled drink and banged into the back of the seat in front of her, all but one of her friends started laughing, one couldn't stop - she had to get a kleenex to wipe away her tears of laughter - this, of course, got us started again.

The end of the movie was terribly sad and I am sure each of us had tears in her eyes. Just when that moment, that inevitable comes that you know you should wipe the tears off your face but you really don't want to do it and make yourself noticed, the one lady in the row in front of us who hadn't been laughing decided this was her moment to ask her friend if she was alright...the comedy relief was very welcomed...it sure cut through the saddness. We could wipe away the tears of sadness and joy together.

We all, 9 + the 4 ladies in the row in front of us, walked out of the theatre together, laughing and enjoying each other and our evening.

It definitely was a Girlfriends night out.

After the movie we ate at Jack Astors then headed to Chapters for books and coffee. The night ended with me rolling up Kris' window while, for whatever reason, her fingers were hanging outside. She did tell say "ow, my fingers are in the window" but I figured she was pulling my chain, as she always does, so I kept holding the button until she finally shouted "stop, my fingers are really in the window!" It shouldn't have been funny but it really was sooooooo funny. In fact, it was a hilarious ending to a perfect night.

Can't wait to do it all again...real soon. Of course, I don't get to pick the movie, next time they want a comedy...geez, there's nothing like a good cry with friends especially when we can laugh about it and each other.

Back to normal

Ben is back home. He had a marvelous time, wishes he could have brought his new friends home with him. I hear the kids ran after the bus as it pulled away from Codroy. He brought an accent home with him, guess that was unavoidable...it was so cute to hear. This was a wonderful opportunity for Ben, for any kid, to be able to go away from home and make new friends and learn about their way of life and to walk away from it wishing it could continue. He was definitely glad to be home but sad about having to leave his friends behind. I am glad he got to experience this with his friends from home, as well. This is something they will share and have in common for the rest of their lives.

School is out - YIPEE! although it comes with a bit of sadness...Ben and his gang are off to high school. It was a good year. I work at Ben and Sarah's school as a noon supervisor and I volunteer as much as possible. I have followed the kids in Ben's grade right from Pre-K - gotten to know them, got to share a lot with them - it's been a remarkable journey - to see the growth and changes over the years, to be able to share the hugs and laughter is something most adults don't get to do. Sometimes they share problems, as well. That's a great feeling knowing you are trusted to share but at the same time it can be sad. It's great to see watch them grow into teenagers and to grow into themselves.

One more sleep

Missed Ben's 7 phone calls from Newfoundland last evening. Got them on the answering machine though..."someone pick up the phone, I just want to say good-night before going to bed", "hello, anyone there, pick up the phone", "I am so tired, just want to say good-night", etc...poor Ben. I came home and heard the messages and felt so sorry I had missed his calls. I almost called but it was close to midnight Newfoundland time. I'll call this afternoon to say "HI".
One more sleep and he'll be home. I know he is having a great time and will really miss all his new friends but I also know my boy well enough to know that he is counting the hours till he arrives home. It's been a long week.

He was "screeched in" Tuesday night. He was so proud to tell us he is officially a Newfoundlander. I know he will not soon forget these last few weeks.
A card came in the post the other day addressed to "My Quebec Family"...Ben's 'Newfoundland twin', she wanted to say she missed us and to thank us for making her "feel at home". It's a great feeling to learn about the impact you can have on people. Miss you Em, our door is always open!

Ben, can't wait to have you home.

"Happy Birthday to Me"

I'm at the age where I don't like to acknowledge my birthday but my friends relish in it.
I guess there is the fact that I am healthy and happy and still alive but I don't like that the numbers keep getting bigger - the up hill climb is difficult. 30 I had a hard time with, 40 was ok...but the big 5-0 is going to be tramatic - and for the record, I'm not there yet. I remember being a 17 year old and thinking 25 was soooo ancient.
And that's all I'm going to say...I'm now in age denial.

Lonesome in Newfoundland

My traveler is lonesome but having an awesome time. Imagine having a bonfire by the ocean!

Newfoundland bound

Ben and his buddy Matt are Newfoundland bound. The bus pulled out from Shawville at 9am. The plane will just have taken off from Ottawa Airport - 12 noon. After spending a few hours in Toronto they will be in Newfoundland by 9 or 10 pm Newfoundland time.
Ben has called 3 times already, he makes me smile - miss ya 'Benjamina'. (When Alex went on his SEVEC exchange he only called once - my boys are so different.) I am wondering what he is thinking about his very first airplane ride. I know he will be ok because he is with his buddy, they will take care of each other.

My baby is gone...see you Friday Ben

SEVEC...

...Society for Education Visits and Exchanges in Canada.

My 11 year old son is off to Codroy Valley, Newfoundland tomorrow with 17 other children from the area, 9 of which are from our community, so he knows most of them from school and one girl is on his soccer team.

Last week, May 26 to June 2 we hosted their "twins" from the Codroy Valley, 25 plus their 4 adult chaperones. It is a marvelous adventure for all the children, but not just the children - the adults have a great time as well. It's a wonderful way to expose everyone to the different regions of Canada, places and events some children may never have another opportunity to experience. I am so envious of my son, hmmm I wonder what the penalty is for being a stow-away these days.

I was surprised when Ben said he wanted to participate in this program. I know that when Alex, my oldest son, did a SEVEC exchange 3 years ago Ben said he couldn't wait to be in grade 6 so he could do the same but Ben is my stay at home child. Alex and Sarah are my travelers, always staying over with friends and going places but Ben only sleeps over at his buddy Matt's house and that is barely 5 min. away - 30 sec. as the crow flies. Just days before Emily, Ben's twin from the Valley, was to fly in with her group he said he didn't want to do this...sorry buddy, too late now. You see, I'm sure part of his problem was that he is an 11 year old boy who was being twinned with a 14 year old girl...but by the 2nd. day they were almost like old buddies. Emily is the youngest of 5 children and an aunt to 2 little boys so she was not about to shy away from Ben. Once he got to know her he had a great time. On the last night she was here they were sitting together on the sofa, same sofa - not at other sides of the room, chatting up a storm about the weeks events and planning how to stay in contact. I am so glad for email, MSN and whatever technology will allow these kids to remain in contact.

As the bus pulled out on Friday morning for the return trip to Newfoundland, our guests reluctantly going home, there was a steady stream of tears, many hugs and plenty of good-byes. It is amazing what a strong bond can be made between total strangers in such a short period of time. Late that evening our phone rings, I pick it up to hear Emily excitedly telling me she was home safe and sound. When I asked what time she got home her reply was that she had "just gotten in the door". It was so heart-warming to know that she enjoyed herself so much with our family that she couldn't wait to call and let us know she was home safe...and that she wants to come back sometime to visit. I hope that will happen someday.

I am reassured, after meeting all these great kids and adults, that Ben will have the time of his life. He has been MSNing all week, getting to know everyone even better.

SEVEC is a wonderful experience and if your child (and you - because as much as it is for the children it envelopes the entire family) ever gets the chance to participate I say let them do it, the rewards are plenty.

Relay for life...

The Relay for life is over for this year. I have a few new aches and pains but they are all worthwhile when you consider the cause and what people with cancer have to go through. It feels great to have been apart of such a wonderful event. Our group raised almost $1900 with the grand total being just over $71,000.
My group, Bacon and Eggs - named after our breakfast group who get together every monday morning after we drop our kids at school, began converging on Leslie Lake as early as Friday evening after soccer. Around 6 pm on the 2nd. we got all decked out in our matching pjs and Relay for Life t-shirts and headed down to the beach for the speeches that would begin the night's event.
The walk started with the "survivors" lap lead by a bagpiper. All the teams formed a line, in pairs we stood across from each other, for the survivors to walk between us. Some of the 'survivors' walked with heads held high, some walked with tear dotted cheeks, some walked with heads bowed and tears flowing. It was very awe inspiring when someone you knew walked past. There were some high 5's, there were gentle hand holds, there were pats on the back. It is a great feat to be a cancer survivor. It was a heart touching moment. After the survivors had completed their lap the teams went out in alphabetical order, which in this case meant "Bacon and Eggs" led the walk. As I walked passed the yet unlit luminaries there was the family of our friend who died just a couple of weeks ago holding each other infront of his just placed luminary. If I didn't know before, I knew then why I was there. As we walked we each knew many people whose luminaries were placed in their honor. You could hear people reading off names. Some memories were very fresh in our minds.
We all walked together as a team for the first couple of laps then knowing we had to pace ourselves over the next 12 hours some of us left the trail for our campsite, waiting to take our turns. We didn't really have a schedule for who would walk when, but knowing at least one of us had to be on the trail at all times we just took turns when we felt like it. Every once in awhile someone would get up and head to the lake to start walking and to find any of our team who were walking and tell them it was time for them to rest. As it worked out we all walked at least 4 hours. Kris, Fiona and I were there when the luminaries were being lit, we took turns lighting a few. I walked from 1:30 am to 4 am...to me I picked the best time. By this time the luminaries were all lit, the moon was almost full and shining on the lake. The path looped along the lake and then up a small incline - the lake was always right beside us, with the luminaries on the other side of the path. As we walked on the upper side of the trail we could see the walkers along the lake. I walked with a flashlight in my hand but rarely used it. It was a very calming atmosphere. At that time of night people walked alone, some walked in pairs - there was some chatter but mostly it was quiet, lots of time for reflection and thought. Around 4 am I took a break and headed back to our campsite. One of our group was still awake, 2 were still walking, one was trying to catch a few naps in her lawn chair and the rest had tucked themselves into bed. Kerry and I watched the dark lift, we heard the birds awaken. I went back out to walk at dawn, the first person I saw was my high school English teacher, she walked with her hands behind her back like she was in a contemplative mood, we bid each other "good morning" and kept to our task. My walking partner woke up and caught up with me shortly after 5. I noticed a lot of our walking was done in silence.
It all wrapped up with the teams joining to complete the final lap. With less than a 1/2 hour of sleep all night I was glad to pack up and head home. I came home, threw my clothes into the washer, took a long hot shower and jumped into bed.
Two sore feet, one sore ankle and one sore knee, it was all worthwhile and I will do it again.
It was good, it was all good.

Too early! Another good-bye!

As said in this post I am walking in the Relay for Life on June 2. I am looking forward to the camaraderie of the group I am walking with. I am proud of myself for doing this because of the cause. I am saddened, however, that I have another reason to walk. This past week we lost a friend to cancer. 49 years old. Father of 2. Husband. Great guy. Gone too early, he should have had more time. I know that's a cliché but it's so true. It's always so true. 53 is too early to die. These kind of good-byes are hard. I like good-bye when you know it is only for a short time, when you know that tomorrow you will see this person again. That next week you will see this person again.
We take for granted that there will always be a tomorrow to say "good-bye". But sometimes tomorrow is not the kind of day we hoped for. So, we should dwell on 'today' and make it the most it can be, take full advantage of it being here. Don't worry so much about tomorrow...and say "See ya!" instead of "good-bye!"

Happy Mother's Day

Not sure who to credit for this, it was sent to me via email...it perfectly sums up how it feels to be a Mother:

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby
just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having
my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel
so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Waiting and rushing!

I thought while I waited, yet again, for my kids to get ready for school I would blog...because, after all, sometimes it feels like I have time to write a novel while I wait.
I don't wait very well. I'm a pacer - back and forth, back and forth..."come on, let's get going!" It's like time wasted. But the kids don't see it that way, especially when they're getting ready for school. Now if we were going shopping to buy them something they would be out the door in a flash.

This morning I have breakfast to get to. It's Monday morning and the girls are waiting so I am in a hurry and therefore I am not into waiting. I enjoy our regularly scheduled Monday morning breakfast. It all started innocently one day with a bunch of stressed, tired, over-worked Mom's who just needed some down-time before their week started. We all have kids. Kids whose ages run from 3 to 32...one of the Mom's is a Mom of one of the Moms - I know it gets complicated but we like it that way. I wrote about our age range in this past post.

We all know that waiting eventually leads to rushing.

Wait! That seems to be a familiar word around our house. Like I said, I am not a waiter. BK or before kids, I was always on time and maybe even early for events. Now, after kids, I hardly remember the last time I was on time. Or maybe it just seems like I am always late and some of that may be attributed to the fact that I am always rushing here and there. Rushing to get everyone off to school. Rushing to get them to their games - soccer and ball season are in full swing. Rushing to get dinner. And after all the rushing is over for the kids I then have to rush to get my stuff done because I have had so much rushing to do for the kids....and on and on and on...like one of those traffic circles that just keeps going round and round and if you're not paying attention you forget where to get off or even how to get off.

MOM, LET'S GO, WE'RE WAITING...oh yeah I forgot, I'm rushing to get somewhere.

Finally the weather is co-operating. I have managed to get outside this morning and start working on my poor, neglected flower beds. I really want to do some extra work this year on one that has been here from when my Grandmother owned the house. We bought my grandparent's house from my parents after they had both passed away, my father's parents. And there is still this one little corner of the yard that keeps my Granny with me. I have even managed, over the past 23 years, to keep some of her peonies alive. Actually, the peonies are older than that, I have just been nurturing them for the past 23 years, they are probably almost as old as I am. Over all these years I have also tended to some of Grannies hens and chickens.

Gardening is a favorite hobby of mine...it's a great relaxation tool. I have even been known to get down in my friend's dirt as well. When you see a weed, pull it! It's amazing how much time you can fritter away while working in the garden. When the flowers are blossoming it's a well earned reward. I get my green thumb from my mother. She has always enjoyed her flowers, not that she has ever spent much time tending them...some people just have the knack for having great looking gardens without having to spend too much time working in them. I guess as long as the prep work is dong properly the rest can be leisure time in the garden.

I look at the lawn and realize that time has taken a toll on the lush green grass that once was there, time and the kids with numerous wheeled toys and vehicles, such as bikes, scooters, 4-wheelers and even the snowmobiles. For the past few years I keep saying, this will be the year I reseed...so, maybe this will be the year I finally do just that.

Enough procrastinating, time to get back to work.

New laptop

I am writting this post on my brand new, very own, Acer laptop...ordered it Friday, picked it up yesterday. Now I don't have to stand in line behind 4 other people waiting my turn on the computer. The kids now say they have their own computer, hey everyone is happy.

Jann Arden tickets and a new laptop...try topping that all in one week.

Jann x2

I saw Jann Arden in concert for the 2nd time in as many weeks. How lucky!!!
As I was heading to work on Friday the announcer on the local radio station MyFM said there were two free tickets left for the coming Saturday night concert and that the 1oth caller to identify the song would win..."I Would Die For You", from the "Time For Mercy" CD (the yeah,yeah,yeah song that my son used to sing along to...mentioned in the previous post), was the song and I WON - twice, I have won Jann Arden tickets....could life be any better!
This time I cajoled Kris into going with me. We had a great time. Jann was fantastic, as usual.
I have wanted to see Jann in concert everytime she has come this way but have never gotten to see her.
Even with bacterial conjunctivitis I still enjoyed the show...which is getting much better now with the help of eye drops although I sometimes miss my eye. Kris and I made a great pair driving home, one with a bad driving leg and the other with bad eyes...between us we had 3 good legs and 3 good eyes, more than one driving really needs.

Good Mother

My 9 year old daughter and I shared a great time together Monday evening.

Jann Arden was coming to Ottawa. I wanted so badly to see her, have wanted to for a very long time. I have every CD she has made. I can still hear my oldest son singing along, as a 2 year old, in the back seat to the "Yeah, yeah, yeah" verse of "I would die for you". The day I bought the CD we were shopping in Ottawa and we had to play that song over and over and over again just so he could sing along. It was priceless. He was joyful.

So, Jann's coming to Ottawa and I'm not going...circumstances, I asked a friend but she was busy, then I thought it was too frivolous to spend the money, not that it was alot but finances are tight right now so I just let the idea drop, again. Then along came a contest in our local paper for the chance to win 2 Jann Arden tickets...why not, I thought. Why not indeed, I WON!

Same friend still busy so I thought it was a great chance to spend some quality time with my daughter. Besides, when she found out I had won the tickets she asked if she could go with me...by this time I had already asked my friend so daughter was disappointed.

Sarah's favorite song is "Good Mother". So I, being a good Mother, won brownie points Monday night. Straight after school we cleaned up and headed to the city. We shopped for an upcoming birthday party, girly stuff, then had supper at Kelsey's. We got to Scotiabank Place early, always fun to soak up the before performance atmosphere.

When we went to get our tickets punched the girl looked at our tickets, checked the seat area then called on another lady. Always the pessimist, I wondered OK, what's going on. This older more authoratative looking woman, approached us. I could feel Sarah tense up beside me. She said, you have seats in the 224 level, would you like to upgrade to the 101 level...I tapped Sarah on the back, she grinned, not aware of what good luck we were having...we gratefully excepted the tickets, said Thank you and went on our merry way. Once we were in our seats I explained to Sarah our good fortune by showing her where we would have been sitting, which was alright considering the tickets were free and after all, it was Jann Arden - would there be a bad seat.

Sarah recognized most of the songs before I did. She was singing along and having a great time. When the music started for Jann's last song (before she came back out for her encore in a Sens jersey), Sarah looked at me, smiled and said, "it's my favorite song!" I felt like a "good mother".

Sarah fell asleep in the van almost as soon as she hit the seat. I had a great 1 hour and 10 min. ride home, listening to Jann Arden tunes on the CD player. It was a good day.

If you get the chance to see Jann Arden in concert run, don't walk to the nearest ticket booth. OK, in this day and age it's more like - run, don't walk to your computer and click for tickets.

Upcoming events

How about some links to upcoming events in and around the Pontiac Valley...

First of all, I'd like to say that I am walking in the Relay for Life, a 12 hour walk to help raise funds for the Canadian Cancer Society, on June 2 and I am looking for pledges...you can following this link to pledge me online... https://secureccs.ca/?inv=ca5603d3-d643-405a-b962-f2076667f943

Come visit:
Pontiac School of the Arts is into it's third year of summer courses, running from July 7 to 15, always the first Saturday to the third Sunday of the month, in the village of Portage-du-Fort, Quebec

How about a little pottery at Atelier du Druide in Campbell's Bay, Quebec

The Pontiac Artist's Studio Tour is a wonderful adventure and a great way to visit Fourteen professional artists in 12 studios as you tour through the Pontiac region of Quebec (on the north shore of the Ottawa River, west of Ottawa). The Pontiac Artists' Studio Tour is an annual juried art exhibition. Admission is absolutely free. Everyone is welcome. Artworks are on exhibit and for sale.

The Coulonge Chutes are not to be missed...you can even rent a cabin, or two, for a weekend getaway. Don't forget your camera!

Art in the Park - September 30 at Portage-du-Fort
1 pm to 5 pm...there will be a wide range of art activities for all ages by the Pontiac Artists' Association

Open House: Pontiac Churches
September 29 to September 30
"Discover the Pontiac's unique and diverse religious heritage"
819-648-5217
www.culture.mrcpontiac.qc.ca
bkuhn.cld@mrcpontiac.qc.ca

And not to be missed is the Shawville Agricultural Fair
August 30 - September 3 (Labour Day weekend)

Come visit, you won't be sorry you did!
You'll just wonder why it took you so long!

More discussion on Quebec language problems

Well, the election is over, good or bad. It was a very long 12 1/2 hours working the polls. The good news is that I only had problem with one voter who told me in French that since this was a Quebec election I should be speaking in French. No, respect for me as an English speaking person, born and raised in this province. What made this even more hurtful was that this person speaking to me is very new to our community, a community that is one of the very few English language communities left in this province. Little did she know that I could speak to her in French, enough to make myself understood, if the need arises. My first mistake was that I said "Hello" and not "Bonjour". My answer to her was that "I am speaking the language of my province, the one I was born in and have lived in my entire life". When she put her ballot in the ballot box I said, "Merci, bonne journée". She walked away without even a, "Merci, et vous!". Silly stuff!

Really, how hard is it to respect other people for their differences? Why is it so difficult to understand that we should be allowed to live comfortably, without retribution, in our own land?
It is becoming more and more impossible to get a job in this province if you do not have French as your first language. We are almost considered immigrants and we have all read in the papers lately how the Québécois treat immigrants.

This is not about all French speaking people because I know many French speaking Canadians that I have great respect for. One of my very best friends speaks French. I was going to say "she is French speaking" but that is like putting a label on her. French speaking, English speaking? Why should there be such a difference that we cannot get along and not celebrate our differences? Why should our spoken language be allowed to label us? How/Why does it make one of us more or less superior than the other?

The problem are the Québécois, the Separatists, who are fighting to take away the rights of the English in this province. But they are also isolating themselves from the rest of the country. Their own children, who are brought up speaking only French, are struggling to cope in the rest of the country where they cannot communicate.

I'm done now, I'm stepping off this soapbox!

How to feel like you don't belong?

Try being an English speaking Quebecer.
Try being an English speaking Quebecer working the polls at a Quebec election.
Even better, try being an English speaking Quebecer working the polls at a Quebec election and having to do training in French. Thank goodness they made a few English manuals.
Better yet, being an English speaking Quebecer who was born in this province and who has lived here all your days but you feel like you don't belong.
It's not the greatest feeling to know that you are considered a second-class citizen. That you are not considering equal and that someone can take away your rights when it comes to the simplest of rights...freedom to have instruction in the language of your choice.

The French here in La Belle Province lament that their rights are being taken away...hmmm...can't say as I totally agree with them.

Daylight saving time.

It's 7:03 pm and it's still daylight. I love 'daylight saving time'!

It's been a great day. My husband took all 3 kids and headed to the camp with the snowmobiles and some friends. I have had the most relaxing day that I can remember having for a very long time. Kids were on March break last week, a week earlier than the Ontario break. They just about drove me crazy. Up until Friday it has been so blessed cold here that no one has wanted to go outside. The wind has been blowing and wind chill has been almost unbearable at times. So, it is about time we get some great weather. Today, along with the longer day we also got above 0C temperatures. What more could one ask for.

Spent some of the day doing volunteer work, the quiet was just what I needed to do some finalizing on two brochures I have been working towards deadline on. One is the Pontiac School of the Arts course brochure for 2007 and the other is the brochure for the 2nd. Annual Shawville Jamboree. The website still needs some information but it's coming.

Day is slowing fading into night with a wonderful sunset...hues of pink. It's 7:20 and I can still see light...love it! Blue Rodeo is playing on the radio, "Bulletproof". One of my favorite Canadian bands.

I also took time to today to take a drive in the countryside for some late winter photos. We didn't have much snow this year so I wanted to take the opportunity to grab some shots before it's all gone...the week is supposed to be quite warm so it won't last long.

Darkness is upon us!

It's all good!

What's going on...

Finally, we got our first snow storm of the season...that it only came last Friday, March 3 is fine with me, what better time to have a first snow storm than just before spring so it can all melt away.

Kids are on March break. Not sure what we're going to do. With the husband about to loose his job we're not making big plans. Although, I envy my friends who can go away every year for a family vacation to somewhere warm. I think there are plans to head to the camp in the woods with the snowmobiles....not me, the kids and Dad. I prefer the city to the bush, so if that is their plan my plan is to head into Ottawa for a shopping trip with Viv.

We turn the clocks back next week which means more daylight. I love this time of year when the daylight sticks around a bit longer. Helps get rid of the gloom of the February blahs.

Prepping a couple of photos for an art exhibit at the Café 349 to be exhibited with instructor and student works from the last two years of courses at the Pontiac School of the Arts.

Went to the most hilarious comedy show, Women Fully Clothed, last weekend at the Centrepointe Theatre in Ottawa. If you ever get the chance to see these ladies in action I recommend you don't pass it up. I went with 5 friends and we all had a great time. We laughed so hard we had to wipe the tears away. This was a great group of friends to go to such a show with. When we weren't laughing at the show we were laughing at each other. There is nothing like a good laugh especially with friends.

Spring is on it's way!

Spring can't come too soon. I think I have the "February Blahs".
I've been grumpy, ok, so maybe that doesn't count. What about:

• tired or maybe it's blah
  
• cold and blah
  
• feeling the need to hibernate, blah
  
• feeling non social, blah
  
• restless, blah
  
• blah, blah, blah

Spring and summer are my seasons. I love to bike, work in my flower gardens, walk, take photos - anything that requires me to be outside.
As I'm sitting here typing my fingers are cold and it's not from lack of heat because where I am sitting there is no shortage of sunshine. I am in the living room that is very bright and sunny. It's my favorite room in our house because it is so bright. The last few weeks have been so cold, most nights have been in the -20C or colder ranger and if sometimes we have had to contend with a wind chill which could take it into the -32c range. Just not ideal weather for feeling good.
Knock on wood, though, no one in our house has been ill. Watch, now that I've said that we will all come down with something. Even my friends and their families have had good health, ok, maybe not Kris who had a bout of bronchitis but I think that was just her body's way of saying "you need to slow down".
But the forecast is calling for milder weather with a lot of sunshine for the next couple of weeks...maybe just long enough to get us through March break - which starts this Friday here in Quebec.

It's time to get my shit together. It's time to stop procrastinating. It's time to get happy, happy, happy. It's time to enjoy life. It's time for SPRING! Bring it on!

Just thoughts

Hi Lora...

What was that you said,

"Keep taking a visit to your blog with NO updates.....geesss get off your ass."

I am here, just don't know how to write down my thoughts lately.

WARNING: the following content might cause depression or atleast longing for when we were younger and we weren't bothered by anything except for maybe when was the next party and the chance to get drunk.

It seems like there is always something happening. Some of it good but a lot of it is bad or sad.

People die - Vivian lost her father to a heart attack just before new years.
People are growing old...I have noticed my family - mother, mother and father-in-law (my father is dead 13 years this Feb.) are looking older so that must mean that I am starting to look older. Ok, maybe I am beyond the starting phase.....but I know I am not alone, right ladies - Lora and Kris

-I'm not going down that road alone.

But it is not so much my own aging that bothers me...Sarah, my baby, just celebrated her 9th. birthday. We had a party on Sat. with 8 of her friends - 7 girls, one boy. The boy, Riley, being the token male...all the girls have a crush on him. He and Sarah were "going out" until just this past Monday when he started "going out" with her friend Ashley. Going out, what does that mean at 9? I am not ready for this. I thought I had another 3 or 4 years until I had to deal with that, "going out". Is it because she is a girl? I have not had to worry about dating with the boys - Alex is 15 and Ben is 11. Hey, I'm not complaining, believe me. But not having had to deal with this before I have been caught unprepared. She was in tears on Monday over the breakup. I know, she's 9 so it is really not a break up but to her it was the end of the world. How do you make it alright without making it seem silly. Without making her feel that you are not taking her feelings serious. I knew that within moments or even seconds she would have practically forgotten about it but at the time it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her or that will ever happen to her. We're over that now but it just makes me see that she is getting older, not so much the little girl anymore.
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I've been thinking about my friend Vivian lately and about how she is coping with the death of her father. I was there the day my father died. Even though we were not real close it still had a very big affect on me. For months I couldn't sleep without dreaming that I, too, was dying. I would wake up drenched in my own sweat. I would be terrified. I hated going to bed because I knew I would have those dreams. I don't really remember much of the detail of those dreams but I do remember the panic, the dread.
I remember how sad I felt when we drove away from the grave site, knowing that we were leaving him there all alone. I know Kris, he's really not there. But I looked back at the casket, visualizing him lying there, inside that box - alone. We were leaving and not taking him with us, for the first time in my 32 years...and I cried. I remember that being the one and only time I cried over my father's death.
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Today I almost stared death in the face again. My friend Kris called asking me for two favors. One, she needed the number of the local Vet. She couldn't find her phone book, she can never find her phone book. I saw it there once though. The other favor was, depending on what the vet said, she might need my help to get Riley, a big old chocolate lab - definitely one of the family - into her Jeep. Riley has already been diagnosed with a very bad heart. (Last fall the vet said it is very hard to tell how much longer he has.) This along with seizures. But to look at him you would never think he was anything but healthy and happy. He comes at you with his tail waging, his whole body waging...many a time I have been at Kris' doing something on the computer and he has made himself comfortable at my feet, making me feel like I belong there. Riley is 12 year old daughter Kaigh-Anna's best buddy. What time is the right time for your children to say 'good-bye' to a pet that is no longer just a pet? Do they see him suffer? Is this the lasting impression they need to witness? Is it better they say good-bye before or after he is gone? As parents, is that a decision we can make?
We bundle Riley up and carry all 100+ pounds of him out to my van and I know we are both hoping he does not die in my van. By this time he's already had 3 seizures. More than he has had at one time. At the vet's office they are waiting for him. Kris and I carry him into the room and lay him on the floor. His heart is beating so fast the vet cannot count the beats. The seizures keep coming with no let up. How much can this old boy take? How strong is his will to live? The vet gives him a needle to calm him, hoping once he is calm his heart will start to beat properly. She then slowly administers a shot of valium, hoping to further calm him so his heart can get a chance to rest. He stops breathing. He lifted his head, licked his nose and fought to live. He is not giving up. The vet is giving him compressions to start his breathing again. The seconds go by and nothing, no breath. Kris is telling him he has to breath for Kaigh-Anna. She is rubbing his nose, soothing him. The vet is doing her best to keep him alive. Her assistant runs for more medication. After what felt like forever but was in reality probably 1 0r 2 minutes he breaths. We all breath. I don't know if I was holding my breath but I remember giving a sigh and the vet's assistant taping me on the leg and telling me I can breath again. Tears are on Kris' cheeks. Tears are welling up in me. You could feel the relief in the room, we had witnessed a great will to live.
I came home and hugged my own dog, the pain in the ass that he is. And he got two milk bones instead of the usual one.
Later that day I got a phone call from Kaigh-Anna..."thanks Bonnie".
I could say I really didn't do anything. You know how we all get modest and say "ah gee, I didn't do nothing more than I was asked to do. It was really nothing." But I won't say that this time because I am fortunate to have had any part in helping Riley and his family. To do anything less than acknowledge any help I gave would somehow not do Riley's 'fight-to-life' justice. And there is no way I could tell Kaigh-Anna and Matt (Kaigh-Anna's twin brother) that I felt I had done nothing...because that would belittle what Riley went through and to slough it off would imply the day's events were not that important and/or that I wasn't willing to do anything I could to help. And I know that whatever I did meant an awful lot to them.

Hugs...