Does being a friend mean we have to always give? Maybe being a friend means we can sometimes take. Because when we are giving that means that someone is taking and when we are taking we are allowing someone to give.
I've been going around this thought for awhile. I have a very good friend who calls when she needs help, it's not important what kind of help, what is important is that she knows she can call me and I will be there for her, no matter what. But I don't give her the chance to help me as much. It's not that I don't know she will always be there for me, too, because she is the very best at being a friend, it's that I don't want to take advantage of her kindness. She is a busy person who doesn't need to take on any more burdens or tasks. But am I hurting our friendship by not taking what she is offering in the name of friendship? In the past she has inquired about how I am doing and so as not to burden her I just say things are great...especially when they are not and she has made remarks that have left me feeling like I am not upholding my end of our friendship - I am not giving her the chance to help me, to make me feel better, to ease my burden. Friendship can be complicated.
Lately, I've been feeling distant from her. I know that it's all my doing. It's self-preservation, I tend to distance myself from people when I am not feeling quite myself. It seems like the easy thing to do, keep some distance so that I don't expose too much of myself, so I don't become too vulnerable and really, there is only so much that even a really good friend needs to deal with. She knows when I'm not quite myself and I know she has noticed that I have not been very forthcoming lately. I know she has wanted to help, to offer help but I haven't left that door open to her and for that I am sorry. I value our friendship but lately I haven't been holding up my end.
So maybe being a friend means that you have to let people in, you have to take and allow your friend to give.
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