Been to the cottage...

With my father-in-law threatening to sell the family cottage, which he owns and maintains - but really, one day it could be ours, we are trying to get in as much cottage time as possible. Secretly, I don't think he is really serious - I hope not!

OMG, I needed this weekend of relaxation. I even managed to get in some reading time - big joke is that the last book I read took me 4 years. I highly recommend 'The Mermaid Chair' by Sue Monk Kidd. Bought it Wed. at Chapters and finished it on Sunday while lazing in the sun...beautiful gentle breeze coming off the lake...need I say more.
Doug, Alex and Sarah did a lot of fishing while Ben and I did the reading. So surprised, actually, that Ben had taken his book and that he would often come sit along side me on the dock to read. How many times did we both comment on how quiet and relaxing it was.

Kids woke Sunday morning at 5:30 to check out the lake...Ben rushed in to tell me I needed to get out my camera and take some pics of the mist rising off the lake. Of course, I couldn't resist. Alex and Jack even tried some onshore fishing in the early hours. Jack is becoming quite the fisher-dog...everytime someone grabbed a pole he was right along side. Didn't miss a ride in the boat either. And how many times did he chase the four-wheelers!? By Sunday afternoon he was a wasted doggie.

And what is a trip to the cottage without a campfire and s'mores.

Good to visit but better to be home...

I highly recommend a portable DVD player when traveling with kids...hardly heard a peep out of them the whole way to Toronto and back again, 4 1/2 - 5 hours each way. Thanks to Kris for the loan, I didn't have to leave anyone of the three on the side of the 401.

First stop, Toronto Zoo. Hot, hazy and humid...that pretty much tells all...even the animals were feeling the heat - they weren't real receptive to their many visitors. I sadly realized that this was most likely our last visit to the zoo. Alex, being 14, really wasn't into it - been there too many times already. Ben was a little more interested and Sarah, well as she put it - "the last time I was there I was too small to remember". But really, how many times can you revisit the zoo without it becoming ho-hum. Oh, well, we realized there is so much more to Toronto that we have yet to see so future visits will mean more places to explore and as the kids grow their tastes change so, onward and upward...still sad - means everyone is growing up.
Ben and Sarah could hardly wait to reach the 'splash zone' and with it being so hot the rest of us were just as anxious.


Casa Loma was Sarah's pick of places to visit. Lady Mary Pellatt was the first Commissioner of the Girl Guides of Canada so that sparked Sarah's interest since she, herself, is a Girl Guide - 2nd. year Brownie to be exact. So she had to take lots of photos to take back to her troop. Unfortunately because of the rain we didn't tour the gardens, which are amazing. We took turns borrowing my brother's umbrella for a quick peak.


Bass Pro Shops, need I say more...we had to throw in one destination for the guys. Ok, I will admit, Sarah and I loved it too. It is an experience all in inself, even during rush hour on friday night.

My favorite place in Toronto is Harbourfront Centre. What a bustle of activity, all on the water. But even with all the activity going on it is still such a relaxed mood. People strolling along the boardwalk. Buskers performing, music all around, ferry moving people to and from the Islands - if I lived in Toronto this would be my place to hang out.w

We ran out of time and energy before visiting the Distillery District, but it is high on my list of things to do next time...my brother's response when I said we would save it for next time - "you're coming back?" Don't know how to take that.
The Beaches are a favorite spot for all of us. We usually save a trip to the Beaches for when we are all exhausted and need a place to relax.

With 1100 K. on the van and almost as many on our feet everyone was glad to be home, Toronto is great to visit but our little quiet village is the place to be.

It's written in the stars

My astrology for today, according to the Ottawa Citizen reads:

"A sudden change in a friendship or association will leave you surprised. Be willing to let some things go in order to make room for the new people, places and things."

Wow, which friend or association will be making such a change? What will I do about this? I can't just let this go. This has had me on pins and needles all day. Haven't heard from a particular friend, she usually calls at least once a day, maybe she is the one. What will I do? This will change my life in ways I am not prepared to deal with. What do I do? What do I do?

Honestly, do people really believe these things! Imagine if we let this sort of thing rule our lives. We would be the walked wounded, the forever paranoid.

OMG, which friend!

Spent the day at the cottage. I feel so much better. I did nothing but relax.
The boys slept. Doug, Sarah and Jack went paddle boating, fishing, swimming...basically everyone left me to myself - which never happens. I must have looked as bad as I felt.
Plugged my mp3 into my ears and sat and listened and rested. And since I was left to myself I sat on the shore all afternoon in a very comfy chair. I finally finished a book I have been reading for 2 weeks. Got a chance to read the newspaper, entirely. Only got up when I felt like it. Stuck my feet in the lake, sat back down and relaxed some more. And I even got time to take a few photos.

If only every day could be like this,
just what I needed!

What a day!

Sleep doesn't come easy!

I feel like a puppet on a string, so afraid that someone will cut my life-lines and I will crumple to the ground. It is difficult to do the simple task of standing. I feel as if my legs no longer have the strength to hold up my body.
I used to sleep like a baby. As a teenager I could go all night and sleep all day and even without proper sleep I would still continue to go because, as teenagers, that's what you do - party till you drop then get up and go again. It's strangly amusing that as an adult we continue to do the same only it's no longer partying, it's living, it's mothering, it's working and existing.
I can no longer survive on 5 hours a night. I usually wake up just as tired as when I went to bed. My life has become a routine of sleepless nights.
A friend said "I don't know how you function!" For the 1st. time I admitted, out loud, that I am not functioning, that most days I am only existing in a body that struggles to hold me up.

Losing my mind!

Mid-life crisis, pre-menopause, stress, or stupidity - not sure what my problem is - maybe all of the above.
I freaked out at one of my son's friends tonight.
It's a long story and one that I thought I had survived but after tonight I am not so sure.
I am a noon-supervisor at my kid's elementary school. Over the years I have come across some rather unsavory characters.
Boys will be boys! How many times have I heard that remark?! Well, as an answer, I have two boys, my friends have boys, my brother was once a boy and they never would have thought of making someones life a living hell. I have gotten harassing phone calls, my kids have been taunted and teased, I am verbally taunted when I walk, drive or bike down the street. I've had my windows banged on. I've had mothers tell me it is all my fault, that their boys are 'just being boys!", that I have picked on them in school. Sorry, if I have a problem with not letting kids beat up on other kids. Sorry, if I take exception to being called names on the playground. Sorry, if I stand up against bullies. Considering I am the one being harassed, who would you consider to be the problem? And these boys are no longer in the same school where I work but they are still causing me problems.
Well, back to tonight. I had just gotten up and walked across my living room to go into the kitchen to let my dog out the back door when I saw a bunch of kids walking up the street. Today is Canada Day and there are people about so I was watching them go by when I noticed one of them duck under some trees at the edge of my property and I heard my name mentioned. Needless, to say I am a bit cautious when I see a gang of kids...I live in a small town and I know all the kids - so in this gang of kids I saw one or two kids who have, in the past, have been with the "bunch" that has caused me problems. So as I approached my open front door they ran. Naturally, I thought they were up to something. They didn't stop, they kept on going up the street...or so I thought. I mumbled to myself that they were just a bunch of little shits and continued with my intended job of letting my dog outside.
So, out the back door Jack and I go. I tie him to his leash and decide to have a seat on the back porch to enjoy the last few minutes of daylight. That's when I could have sworn I heard my name mentioned and noticed a bunch of kids in the neighbour's yard. I realize these kids cut through the backyards to get to my neighbour's. The neighbour's son is a friend of my son and from time to time some of the "bunch" that has caused me problems will hang out at his place. My son's friend is a good kid. I have been around enough kids to be able to tell the good from the bad.
Next thing I know this bunch of kids start coming towards my house via the neighbour's backyard. I am sitting watching, waiting to see what, if anything, will happen. I get up so they can see me and hopefully their seeing me will deter them from doing anything. As soon as they see me they all scatter. The one kid that is left, and not running is my son's friend so I call him over to my yard and I immediately begin to act like a complete lunatic...yep, I lost my beans, I ranted and raved and told him I thought he should know better than to hang out with that bunch of kids and that he should pick his friends better. I went on to try to explain that over the last 3 or 4 years some of those kids have made things very difficult for me (he is new to town, only been here a little over a year) and that I have in the past called the cops and I have been told by the police to continue to call them if I have more problems and that I would hate for him to be with these kids when and if they do something stupid - good kids hang with bad kids but that doesn't make them bad kids too, just makes them kids...wrong place at the wrong time.
I said that I had heard my name mentioned and that I wasn't having anymore of their trouble. He told me he didn't remember hearing my name but heard them say Bubba, my son's nickname. Bubba - sounds close to my name so thinking this kid is a good kid I start to calm down, start to feel like a complete idiot, start to realize I might have made a mistake, I might have overreacted. Ya think!
He tells me they were just cutting through the backyard on their way to the fireworks display at the fair grounds, couple of blocks away. So, I picture the kid in the front yard moments before ducking under the trees, most likely he is trying to find a safe place to cut through the yard to get to this kid's place before going to the fireworks. And I picture the same bunch of kids cutting back through the yards to get where they are going. And then I picture this same bunch of kids, with the neighbour's kid who I know has been told before to not cut through the yards and to stay off other people's property (told by his parents), figuring they were going to get into trouble for cutting through the yards...shit! I am an advocate for safe kids. I will go out of my way to make sure kids are happy, healthy and safe - afterall, that is the attitude that got me into this trouble - I believe in protecting the innnocent. Here were innocent kids, having gotten together to have fun by watching the fireworks on a beautiful summer night, at the beginning of their summer vacation doing what comes naturally to kids - getting where they want to go as fast and as easy as possible and I wasn't even part of their plan - leave the crazy lady alone is what they will be saying from now on.
If I could have fallen off the face of the earth I would have. If I could have erased the last 5 min. I would have. Here is this poor innocent, good kid looking at me like I have lost my mind. He apologizes for going on my property. By this time I am calmed down enough to tell him he has nothing to apologize for and that I owe him the apology. I continue to tell him how sorry I am and that he can walk through my yard anytime he likes, just watch out for Jack's rope - after all this I would hate to see the poor kid clotheslined.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! I thought I was over it all, nothing really bad had happened for about 6 months but apparently not. I know it has really shaken me up in the past but this really made me realize that I have to let it go, that I have to forget about it. I can't change it, I can try to stop it but with a different approach. No more expecting the worst, no more thinking they are out to get me...and in doing so I am taking away their strength. Right? Right!
And to make myself appear to be a responsible adult who knows when she has made a mistake and knows when she has to correct it I knew I had to seek out these kids and apologize. Little did I know that I would continue to sound like a raving lunatic. Note to self, when you are upset, take a day to calm down and get your bearings...don't go trying to make amends when you are still upset and cannot control your feelings. You come off sounding like a blathering idiot.
Now I have to go and try to explain myself to the neighbours - the good kid's parents who happened to come to the door while I was talking to some of the kids on their front step. (the mother said to her son "who is this person?" I know she was thinking why is she almost in tears in my yard, while talking to these boys. PICURE IT, IF YOU WILL!) I need to try to explain to them that I really am not so crazy, that I was just very upset. That I was on the verge of tears because I was upset with myself for being so stupid and hard on these kids and that I wasn't over the problems as I thought I was.
Laugh if you will, but this is my life....pre-menopause, sleep deprived, stressed, mid-life crisis, stupidity, the list goes on....it will get better, right? RIGHT?