The scenario:
3 kids – 14, 10 & 7 and one husband.
10 am. – asked kids to put dirty clothes in laundry room, wash day. Oldest son can’t because he hasn’t anything to carry his clothes in. Oh yes, did I mention that we cut his arms off! Middle son is busy building some creature – priorities! Youngest child is a 7-year-old girl going on 15 – need I say more. Husband still sleeping, worked the night shift last night – just got home at 8 am. – off the next two days. Me – hair appointment at 10:30 – time to cover up the gray.
11:45 – home from hair dressers
- no laundry picked up
- husband still sleeping
- kids playing games, chatting on the computer
Noon – make lunch
Not sure what time Kris called but it was a much needed break. Always great to hear a ‘friendly voice’.
1 pm. - go outside to shovel snow – 2nd. day in a row. – 3rd. time since last week. HATE SNOW – spring where are you! Continue to try to convince myself that I enjoy shovelling snow for the health benefits. 14-year-old playing video games, trying to figure out how to get his laundry carried downstairs. 2 younger kids playing games, can’t find the sofa or love seat for toys. Husband still sleeping.
2:25 – done shovelling – is that a heart attack I feel coming on. Totally pissed off and feeling really under appreciated and totally alone. Miracles do happen, oldest son has found a way to get his clothes to the basement.
2:45 – husband up. Try to convince my family that I would really appreciate them taking down the Christmas tree. Then I can vacuum and clean up the living room, after they move their presents to their rooms. Actually, I ranted and raved – they looked at me like I had two heads. Didn’t get anywhere with them.
Need to get away – mental break time
Took camera and went for a drive in the country to get some winter pics. Got some not so great shots.
3:30 – home again. Tree still standing. Start laundry before I begin to take down the tree. Strip the tree bare – literally, it was so dry there was hardly a needle left on the branches by the time I was done taking the lights and decorations off.
Convince husband it would be less messy if he wrapped the tree in a tarp to drag it outside. He and oldest child drag it out. 2 youngest help put decorations in their proper places. While I vacuum they continue to play on living room floor, moving their toys around so I can vacuum – so thoughtful.
4:00 – take a few minutes to check emails. A couple from friends saying they can make lunch tomorrow – CAN’T WAIT! We are getting together to celebrate a friend’s birthday – SURPRISE!
4:15 – ask kids to clear out their toys to their rooms. Maybe I do have two heads.
4:30 – decide I’m too tired to cook so I do the next best thing – order pizza.
5:10 – pizza, come and get it!
6:15 – have an argument with oldest son who is outside in garage working on snowmobile instead of taking a shower and getting ready for school tomorrow.
- go to store for lunch supplies. Stop by Mom’s to see if she needs anything – she just lives up the street. Moved there a couple of years before Dad died. Notice that my nephew did a lousy job of clearing her walkway and back step so I start shovelling.
6:25 - Notice time and decide I had better get to the store before it closes at 7. If I have any energy left I will finish shovelling Mom’s walk before I go home.
6:45 – stop to finish Mom’s walk – cursing nephew the whole while. Lazy little shit! He barely made a path the width of the shovel. Damn this snow is heavy. Right arm starting to ache. Can hardly lift it. Maybe too much shovelling for one day but I have a bit of a stubborn streak which won’t allow me to stop.
7:20 – home.
- unload groceries.
- Husband watching tv.
- Standing in yard and crying, don't know where it came from, can't control it - it just happened, so damn tired. I feel kind of pathetic. Don't want to go back into the house, want somewhere else to go to, need to find a really great 'runaway place'. Don't want to face the remainder of the day. Just want it all to go away and for a better day to come. If I were a small child I could have a temper tantrum now and it would be all better. Stomp up and down and scream and shout...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...feel the relief! Feel the release!
Wish someone would come out to help carry in groceries or atleast open the door when I get there, knowing neither is going to happen. Very seldom does.
- Husband comes to kitchen as I enter the back door, tears streaming down my face. Looks at me like I have two heads – common way of saying you’re nuts – but doesn’t offer to help. I blow my stack, tell him I am so exhausted and I just want to cry and that if he is not going to help then please stop staring at me. He turns around and leaves the room. I continue to put groceries away, call him an asshole (in a low voice).
- Oldest son has taken his shower, thank goodness. Wasn’t looking forward to continuing that argument.
- 2 other children still playing on living room floor which is again almost unrecognizable, hardly looks like I did manage to get it vacuumed. Kitchen still a mess from supper.
- Put groceries away. Clear up supper mess.
Husband a real louse sometimes. Funny how they just don’t get it. When we most need their support they are not usually there, at least not mine. I will admit I did rant and rave a little more than usual today but come on, how many times should you really have to ask for help. I don’t ask for help too often because I am used to not getting it and therefore I don’t put myself out there too often, don’t put my pride on the line. Years have taken a toll on our relationship but just when you think things might be getting a little better you get that kick in the pants that tells you NOT! It was just blind hope.
7:45 – more laundry
- youngest finally in shower
8:00 – middle son jumps in shower with his sister. Lots of screaming, shouting and laughing. Too much noise. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Just seems to be echoing throughout the rest of the house. By this time of night I usually start looking forward to quiet.
8:15 – should call Kris, just for that friendly voice, but I decide not to bother her.
- Husband finally rises from the sofa to tell kids it’s time to dry off and get to bed. Goes back to tv.
8:20 – everyone out of shower. Dry daughter’s hair.
- husband watching tv and eating chips
8:30 – can’t believe it but kids all gone to bed. Boys will probably still be awake at 10 but atleast I finally have some space and quiet.
Totally exhausted. Working on 5 hours sleep (6 hours on a good night). I need 8 to truly survive but I haven’t seen 8 hours in many years, don’t know what it feels like.
8:45 – youngest still up. Says she can’t sleep without a night-light – it burned out last night. Dad takes her to bed, she will lie with him till she falls asleep and I will then move her into her own bed when I finally ‘hit the hay”.
Going to bed soon, tomorrow comes early. Won’t fall asleep right away but just to lie down will feel awfully good.
Tomorrow is another day and I have the lunch with friends to look forward to.
So, today was one of those days where it doesn’t matter how hard you try, it just turns out really shitty. Too much noise, no co-operation, exhausted, trying to do too much while exhausted, trying to get rest of family to understand how much I need some help – end up being the monster with ‘two heads”.
Sleep will come!
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