Teachers have a most wonderful job. Imagine being able to mold and shape the young minds of our world. Imagine being given the trust. Imagine the joy in knowing that you are helping little people become better big people. Ok, so it doesn't always work that way, and being someone who works and volunteers daily in our local school system you get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. Lately we, the parents, have become a little jaded by our teachers and the school system - everyone say "work t0 rule!" Yep, that is what we have been dealing with this past school year. There is no joy in our school and what I am hearing from other parents, there is very little joy in most schools these days because of the 'work to rule' issue. I realize we all have the right to fight for our jobs and better conditions but at what cost! Almost all extra activities have been banned, such as the Christmas concert, theme days (we manage to salvage one day - but ONLY one day), winter carnival and so much more fun things that the students have had to give up because our teachers are 'working to rule". I guess you are wondering where I am going with this rant...
...well today I had the opportunity to help a young mind to see her way around the 9 x tables. When we began she was not interested because she was finding her times tables difficult. She was talking and making any excuse to not do the work. With much perseverance I managed to get her settled down enough to show her some tricks around the 9x tables, I showed her 3 different tricks and it was just like a light bulb went off. She got it. I was so proud of her, she was so proud of herself. She almost completely stopped talking except to comment on how she figured each one out without "cheating". She couldn't wait to get back to her classroom to show her teacher.
9 x 1 = 9
9 x 2 = 18
9 x 3 = 27
9 x 4 = 36
9 x 5 = 45
9 x 6 = 54
9 x 7 = 63
9 x 8 = 72
9 x 9 = 81
1. The two numbers added together make 9
2. The first number of the answer goes up numerically and the second number of each answer goes down numerically.
3. But the trick that really got her excited was when she realized that the answer always begins with one number less than the dividing number and that both numbers added together make 9.
We'll work on getting past 10 later, it changes a little but I know she'll catch on just as quick.
I had never seen her so excited and in such a hurry to get her work done. It was no longer a mystery, she had mastered it, she got it. And the look on her face, the pride she was showing was all I needed to make my day. That is what I wish our teachers would all remember when they are taking away the little details to our children's school day...so little can make such a difference to how they feel about themselves and their ability to learn.
Let's all remember there are many ways to teach and many things to teach...why not throw in a little fun.
Tomorrow is our one theme day - P.J. day - and the kids are so excited and as a member of our Home and School committee I am so glad that I could be a part of making that day happen. They deserve it.
It's a good day!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Was feeling kinda shitty...
...but it's wonderful what a walk with friends will do for your mood - shin splints and all.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Noise pollution!
I was trying to get some of my volunteer work done but I can't even hear myself think. Back to that 'place of my own'. It is impossible to get work done when the computer is in the same room that everyone lives in, watches t.v. in, plays video games in....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Tonight it is the Junos they are watching and the husband, insists on cranking the volume when certain bands are performing. Cheaper yet, a lap top would be nice, I could work anywhere. I could even leave the house, if need be. My head is full of noise and it is impossible to concentrate so I have obviously given up any attempt at getting work done, at least till they are all gone to bed.
Picture it, t.v at almost full volume (surround sound, no less), children arguing, dog barking, everyone shouting because they can't hear each other over the noise of the t.v and themselves...
tomorrow, I will try again tomorrow when my husband is at a meeting and the kids are all in school. But I am on a tight deadline with a meeting tomorrow night...it will all get done - it has to - amid all the kaos. Shit!
I dream - I am sitting on the beach at the cottage, alone, the only noise is the sound of nature...water lapping on the shore, the soulful loon...just me and my laptop and of course my mp3. The theme from the movie "Unfaithful" is playing softly in my head. Could it get any better!
I had a conversation with my friend Kris the other day about having 'done my time in the trenches', it is so time for me now or at least time for me to be able to leave home periodically without everything falling apart. Although my kids aren't fully grown - 14, 10 & 8, they are capable of being on their own with Dad for a certain amount of time, because we all know what happens when Dad is minding the kids - he is doing his thing and hopefully the kids remember to check in because Dad sometimes forgets who is in charge. Right! We've all been there.
We've been wanting to organize a 'girlfriends weekend' but as much as we all need it our families and commitments all seem to come before our own sanity. We manage to get together every so often for a quick lunch but we usually have to rush through our food because there is somewhere else we have to be or work to be done. Just one day without having to look after anyone other than ourselves...my friends are all busy working mothers, no one gets proper time for herself but in this crazy world with more and more demands being put upon us we are all feeling the pressure, we so want and need time to relax but it never seems to come - atleast not for an adequate amount of time. And for that small amount of time we do get for ourselves who isn't feeling guilty that she should be doing something besides enjoying time for herself!?
We're all feeling the exhaustion. We're all trying to add more time to our days. We're all pushing ourselves to complete what needs to be done NOW! If only we would/could slow down before we are forced to. Burnout, comes to mind as the least of our worries. Everywhere we turn, everything we read, everyone we meet there are stories of sickness and even death.
That weekend away sounds really good. Keep you posted on whether it happens or not.
And the noise pollution - everyone is gone to bed. There is absolute silence except for my music.
The work - it will keep until tomorrow, I am going to sit and enjoy the silence before turning in for the night.
Picture it, t.v at almost full volume (surround sound, no less), children arguing, dog barking, everyone shouting because they can't hear each other over the noise of the t.v and themselves...
tomorrow, I will try again tomorrow when my husband is at a meeting and the kids are all in school. But I am on a tight deadline with a meeting tomorrow night...it will all get done - it has to - amid all the kaos. Shit!
I dream - I am sitting on the beach at the cottage, alone, the only noise is the sound of nature...water lapping on the shore, the soulful loon...just me and my laptop and of course my mp3. The theme from the movie "Unfaithful" is playing softly in my head. Could it get any better!
I had a conversation with my friend Kris the other day about having 'done my time in the trenches', it is so time for me now or at least time for me to be able to leave home periodically without everything falling apart. Although my kids aren't fully grown - 14, 10 & 8, they are capable of being on their own with Dad for a certain amount of time, because we all know what happens when Dad is minding the kids - he is doing his thing and hopefully the kids remember to check in because Dad sometimes forgets who is in charge. Right! We've all been there.
We've been wanting to organize a 'girlfriends weekend' but as much as we all need it our families and commitments all seem to come before our own sanity. We manage to get together every so often for a quick lunch but we usually have to rush through our food because there is somewhere else we have to be or work to be done. Just one day without having to look after anyone other than ourselves...my friends are all busy working mothers, no one gets proper time for herself but in this crazy world with more and more demands being put upon us we are all feeling the pressure, we so want and need time to relax but it never seems to come - atleast not for an adequate amount of time. And for that small amount of time we do get for ourselves who isn't feeling guilty that she should be doing something besides enjoying time for herself!?
We're all feeling the exhaustion. We're all trying to add more time to our days. We're all pushing ourselves to complete what needs to be done NOW! If only we would/could slow down before we are forced to. Burnout, comes to mind as the least of our worries. Everywhere we turn, everything we read, everyone we meet there are stories of sickness and even death.
That weekend away sounds really good. Keep you posted on whether it happens or not.
And the noise pollution - everyone is gone to bed. There is absolute silence except for my music.
The work - it will keep until tomorrow, I am going to sit and enjoy the silence before turning in for the night.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Finally - spring is here
And it's about time, too. We took our first official drive of spring yesterday. We didn't do the Wes' chip stand in Arnprior, which is a spring tradition (we'll get to it), but we did go to Arnprior along the River Road. It's such a great drive, along the Ottawa River. Spotted Lora's house from the Ontario side, hard to see after all the leaves open up (it's still there).
Took along the Nikon, got a couple of nice shots of Ben and Sarah on the swinging bridge in Renfrew.
The snow is melting, our backyard is an absolute mess, really must plant new grass this spring. Jack has pretty much destroyed what was there. And the kids with their bikes and 4-wheelers have contributed to the lack of green space as well. It's just a brown soupy mess.
You know it's officially spring when the bikes come out of storage. Sarah had hers out last Wed. already, she couldn't wait any longer.
Ahhhh, smell the fresh air, ok so right now it just smells like rotting dog poop and all the other crap that is uncovered with the melting snow but SRPING IS HERE!, with all it's good and not so good.
Better than winter.
The snow is melting, our backyard is an absolute mess, really must plant new grass this spring. Jack has pretty much destroyed what was there. And the kids with their bikes and 4-wheelers have contributed to the lack of green space as well. It's just a brown soupy mess.
You know it's officially spring when the bikes come out of storage. Sarah had hers out last Wed. already, she couldn't wait any longer.
Ahhhh, smell the fresh air, ok so right now it just smells like rotting dog poop and all the other crap that is uncovered with the melting snow but SRPING IS HERE!, with all it's good and not so good.
Better than winter.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Do you remember?
This is an idea I came across at Genuine
Do you remember...
...skipping rope?
...what it felt like to be a child?
...running through rain puddles?
...your first kiss?
...the first time you held your baby?
...the first time you stood in the rain and let it hit your face?
...your first time?
...the first time you lost someone you loved?
...the first time you laughed till you cried?
We are always so focused on today and tomorrow that we forget about yesterday. Yesterday was before we grew up and became adults, before we had responsibilities, before we became aware of our longevity or that sometimes it's not as long as we would hope for. Yesterday was when we felt the movement of our unborn child and marveled at how truly amazing it was to be apart of such a wonderful experience. Yesterday was when we learned everything that brought us to where we are today!
Do you remember...
...skipping rope?
...what it felt like to be a child?
...running through rain puddles?
...your first kiss?
...the first time you held your baby?
...the first time you stood in the rain and let it hit your face?
...your first time?
...the first time you lost someone you loved?
...the first time you laughed till you cried?
We are always so focused on today and tomorrow that we forget about yesterday. Yesterday was before we grew up and became adults, before we had responsibilities, before we became aware of our longevity or that sometimes it's not as long as we would hope for. Yesterday was when we felt the movement of our unborn child and marveled at how truly amazing it was to be apart of such a wonderful experience. Yesterday was when we learned everything that brought us to where we are today!
Monday, March 20, 2006
The big 'C'
The big 'C' has struck again. On Friday a friend said good-bye to her mother after a very long battle with breast cancer. And this morning, while having breakfast with friends, I hear that another one of us has a mother fighting the big 'C', this time it is pancreatic cancer. It's really not a very fair fight, like with most battles there is really only one winner and it's never the won who fights the hardest.
Have a really great day!
... so few words but just knowing that someone cares enough to send them can brighten any day.
This morning began like any other. I was waiting for my alarm to go off although it didn't need to be set because I was awake watching the minutes tick by, in fact, I had been awake most of the night watching time pass. (Just a normal night as far as sleep goes.) Sarah crawled into my bed to say good morning, which is usually a great way to start the day. So after taking my shower, shouting at the boys countless times to get up and get ready for school I found a few minutes to myself so I took the time to check my emails. There among all the usual expected emails was a pleasantly unexpected one that simply said "Have a really great day!" I couldn't help but smile because it was exactly what I needed to complete my morning. Afterall, how many times have I been told that if you start your day by telling yourself it is going to be a good one then it will be. So far, it's been a good day and I smile everytime I think of those few well meaning words.
This morning began like any other. I was waiting for my alarm to go off although it didn't need to be set because I was awake watching the minutes tick by, in fact, I had been awake most of the night watching time pass. (Just a normal night as far as sleep goes.) Sarah crawled into my bed to say good morning, which is usually a great way to start the day. So after taking my shower, shouting at the boys countless times to get up and get ready for school I found a few minutes to myself so I took the time to check my emails. There among all the usual expected emails was a pleasantly unexpected one that simply said "Have a really great day!" I couldn't help but smile because it was exactly what I needed to complete my morning. Afterall, how many times have I been told that if you start your day by telling yourself it is going to be a good one then it will be. So far, it's been a good day and I smile everytime I think of those few well meaning words.
Have a really great day!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
A place of my own
If I ever got the chance to build another house I would fight tooth and nail for a room of my own. A room away from the noise. A room completely isolated from the kids, the dog, even the husband.
There are somedays where I can't stand being around my kids, I can't stand listening to the screaming, the arguing, the shouting, the stupid noises, the constant noise, noise, noise...
Today is definitely one of those days. I would love some place to run away to. Thank goodness I have a meeting because I can no longer stand the noise.
Today it started the minute they got home and 3 hours later it is still going on. Why can't they just talk like normal people. Why do they always have to react with loudness. I am about ready to crawl out of my skin. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! QUIET!
But they don't understand quiet. I don't know what kind of magic word I need to use to get through to them. "Please be quiet" just doesn't work in this house. I hate the word "shut up" but I have even restorted to using it, but it's not working tonight either.
I can see my perfect place - it's got just the right light - not too dark, not too bright. It's got a great sound system and a huge TV. Bookshelves brimming with novels. My own laptop. A stocked bar. Comfy sofas and big overstuffed chairs. Plenty of room for all my friends. A bedroom and a bathroom. Hey, while I'm dreaming it might as well have a fully stocked fridge so I never have to leave the room again. A place of my own...oh yes, I forgot the trap door so the kids and husband will never get near me.
There are somedays where I can't stand being around my kids, I can't stand listening to the screaming, the arguing, the shouting, the stupid noises, the constant noise, noise, noise...
Today is definitely one of those days. I would love some place to run away to. Thank goodness I have a meeting because I can no longer stand the noise.
Today it started the minute they got home and 3 hours later it is still going on. Why can't they just talk like normal people. Why do they always have to react with loudness. I am about ready to crawl out of my skin. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! QUIET!
But they don't understand quiet. I don't know what kind of magic word I need to use to get through to them. "Please be quiet" just doesn't work in this house. I hate the word "shut up" but I have even restorted to using it, but it's not working tonight either.
I can see my perfect place - it's got just the right light - not too dark, not too bright. It's got a great sound system and a huge TV. Bookshelves brimming with novels. My own laptop. A stocked bar. Comfy sofas and big overstuffed chairs. Plenty of room for all my friends. A bedroom and a bathroom. Hey, while I'm dreaming it might as well have a fully stocked fridge so I never have to leave the room again. A place of my own...oh yes, I forgot the trap door so the kids and husband will never get near me.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Puberty
I'm not ready for puberty. Today my 14 year old and his buddy were hanging out with the opposite sex. They did the usual 'kid thing', they went snowboarding and sliding. Then they got kicked out of home of one of the girls. This one particular girl is the 'girlfriend' of my son's buddy and my friend Kris' niece; she is living with Kris and her family to finish out this school year. (atleast for the time being this means I'm not going through puberty alone - always good to have a companion)
Being responsible parents or guardians, a 15 year old girl is not allowed boys in the house without proper adult supervision. Kris being at work husband/uncle Terry was in charge. So being a male means he was once a 14 year old boy so who better to know what a 14 year old boy can get up to but a past graduate. "Sorry boys, not allowed in the basement!"
Kayla is one of those kids that quickly feels like one of the family. She came to live with her aunt and uncle and immediately became one of the bunch. No one was a stranger. All the mothers began to mother. You know how you keep an eye out for your friend's little people, well there was never any question that we would all look out for her as well.
Having a deep respect for Kayla's aunt and her mother I will be there if ever needed, I will help in anyway I am allowed. And what really surprises me is that Kayla has taken to it. Actually, I shouldn't be surprised - she is one cool kid. The first hint I had that she was cool with me was the day she walked by me at homework club and gave me a little shove just like Aunt Kris and I would do to each other - she's seen us being juvenile, she was playing the game. Things were ok, I was ok. So needless to say I 'mother' her - for instance when I noticed she wasn't going to wear a coat to go sliding/snowboarding today I called her on it. "Where's your coat Kayla?" "I'm not going to wear one, I don't need one." "Kayla, go get a coat on, it's too cold to be without a coat today." "No, I'm ok." "Go get your coat Kayla." "Huh!" and with a roll of the eyes and a hint of a grin she went to get her coat on. Too funny. The poor kid is surrounded by mothers and she takes it all in stride. The two guys even had a laugh over it. Hopefully times like this gives my kid a chance to see me in a different light - maybe I am ok, maybe I am not just his crazy Mom - someone else thinks I'm ok.
Anyway, back to puberty. Seeing that the boys couldn't stay in the house with the girls they all decided to go for a walk about. Pit stop at home to change out of snowpants. Having noticed they really didn't know where to go or what to do I said why not just stick around here and hang out. And they did. Don't know what to do with 4 teenagers but I went about my business preparing supper and tried to ignore them or rather tried to appear inconspicuous. Our house doesn't have a room where anyone can hang out without having the whole family in their face. They hung out and had a great time and all the while I just kept thinking my little boy isn't so little anymore. He is officially a teenager - and I have to deal with that.
Then I get a phone call from a friend who tells me her daughter, who is almost the same age as my son, is developing breasts and is starting to look like a teenager girl.
Being responsible parents or guardians, a 15 year old girl is not allowed boys in the house without proper adult supervision. Kris being at work husband/uncle Terry was in charge. So being a male means he was once a 14 year old boy so who better to know what a 14 year old boy can get up to but a past graduate. "Sorry boys, not allowed in the basement!"
Kayla is one of those kids that quickly feels like one of the family. She came to live with her aunt and uncle and immediately became one of the bunch. No one was a stranger. All the mothers began to mother. You know how you keep an eye out for your friend's little people, well there was never any question that we would all look out for her as well.
Having a deep respect for Kayla's aunt and her mother I will be there if ever needed, I will help in anyway I am allowed. And what really surprises me is that Kayla has taken to it. Actually, I shouldn't be surprised - she is one cool kid. The first hint I had that she was cool with me was the day she walked by me at homework club and gave me a little shove just like Aunt Kris and I would do to each other - she's seen us being juvenile, she was playing the game. Things were ok, I was ok. So needless to say I 'mother' her - for instance when I noticed she wasn't going to wear a coat to go sliding/snowboarding today I called her on it. "Where's your coat Kayla?" "I'm not going to wear one, I don't need one." "Kayla, go get a coat on, it's too cold to be without a coat today." "No, I'm ok." "Go get your coat Kayla." "Huh!" and with a roll of the eyes and a hint of a grin she went to get her coat on. Too funny. The poor kid is surrounded by mothers and she takes it all in stride. The two guys even had a laugh over it. Hopefully times like this gives my kid a chance to see me in a different light - maybe I am ok, maybe I am not just his crazy Mom - someone else thinks I'm ok.
Anyway, back to puberty. Seeing that the boys couldn't stay in the house with the girls they all decided to go for a walk about. Pit stop at home to change out of snowpants. Having noticed they really didn't know where to go or what to do I said why not just stick around here and hang out. And they did. Don't know what to do with 4 teenagers but I went about my business preparing supper and tried to ignore them or rather tried to appear inconspicuous. Our house doesn't have a room where anyone can hang out without having the whole family in their face. They hung out and had a great time and all the while I just kept thinking my little boy isn't so little anymore. He is officially a teenager - and I have to deal with that.
Then I get a phone call from a friend who tells me her daughter, who is almost the same age as my son, is developing breasts and is starting to look like a teenager girl.
HELP! We're surrounded by puberty and there's no way out.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
10,000 and counting
5000+ photos, that's how many I took this weekend at the local skating Invitational.
I highly recommend the Nikon D70s. I bought it in July and today I rolled the photo counter passed the 10,000 photos; I'm closing in on 11,000. It doesn't get better than that.
Thanks Kris for the lens, you'll have to track me down to get it back.
I highly recommend the Nikon D70s. I bought it in July and today I rolled the photo counter passed the 10,000 photos; I'm closing in on 11,000. It doesn't get better than that.
Thanks Kris for the lens, you'll have to track me down to get it back.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Friend
...a person whom one knows, likes and trusts
...one attached to another by affection or esteem
...a favored companion
My dear friend Kris,
You are all of the above and so much more.
I love that you can screw up.
I love that you can screw up and it doesn't matter to me.
I love that you know that when I am exhausted and cranky, the crankiness is not directed at you and you will not be offended by it/me. (this is just a forewarning because I can well imagine that after having driven all the way to Hull and back to get photo paper, then shooting photos of skaters all day I might get a little testy and if not then probably after doing the same thing all over again the next day)
I love that we have this photo shoot this weekend and we will get through it and we will have the best time; we will be on edge, we will panic, we will get through it together and we will laugh. We will laugh from sheer exhaustion. We will laugh from knowing that no matter what happens we will have each other there for support.
I love that you see what I see through the camera lens. It is not always the picture but the feeling when that picture was taken. It's the moment and being able to capture it. (I love your lens ha ha ha)
I love that you get me.
I am saying all this because you are my friend and all of this and so much more is what makes us friends. Even after we spend the weekend working together - we'll still remain friends.
...one attached to another by affection or esteem
...a favored companion
My dear friend Kris,
You are all of the above and so much more.
I love that you can screw up.
I love that you can screw up and it doesn't matter to me.
I love that you know that when I am exhausted and cranky, the crankiness is not directed at you and you will not be offended by it/me. (this is just a forewarning because I can well imagine that after having driven all the way to Hull and back to get photo paper, then shooting photos of skaters all day I might get a little testy and if not then probably after doing the same thing all over again the next day)
I love that we have this photo shoot this weekend and we will get through it and we will have the best time; we will be on edge, we will panic, we will get through it together and we will laugh. We will laugh from sheer exhaustion. We will laugh from knowing that no matter what happens we will have each other there for support.
I love that you see what I see through the camera lens. It is not always the picture but the feeling when that picture was taken. It's the moment and being able to capture it. (I love your lens ha ha ha)
I love that you get me.
I am saying all this because you are my friend and all of this and so much more is what makes us friends. Even after we spend the weekend working together - we'll still remain friends.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
ac·quain·tance
...a relationship less intimate than friendship
I call her an acquaintance because we aren't really friends but we tend to come together every once in awhile; our children are in the same classes, we were together new year's eve, she is a friend of my friend, yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes you can spend time with people without becoming their friends. Some people you keep at a distance, not really sure why.
There are people you would spend every possible moment with and people you could go a lifetime without seeing.
I call her an acquaintance because we aren't really friends but we tend to come together every once in awhile; our children are in the same classes, we were together new year's eve, she is a friend of my friend, yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes you can spend time with people without becoming their friends. Some people you keep at a distance, not really sure why.
There are people you would spend every possible moment with and people you could go a lifetime without seeing.
Courage
An acquaintance moved her husband out this weekend. In June the marriage had fallen apart but they continued to live in the same house. She went out and got a job. Saved up some money. Waited till the time was right and made her move. She planned. She did what was necessary for her to secure her future without him. It takes courage to wait. It takes courage to go it alone. It takes courage to do what you know is right for you. She didn't stay with him for the sake of the children. She didn't stay with him because she didn't want to be alone. She didn't stay with him because she didn't know any other life. She showed great courage. You go girl!
Sunday, February 12, 2006
"I will miss your lips and everything attached to them"
If you haven't already seen it go out right now and rent "Elizabethtown" with Orlando Bloom - need I say more and Kirsten Dunst. One of the best movies I have ever seen - just take my word for it.
My brother took this picture last
Sept. at the Toronto Film Festival
My brother took this picture last
Sept. at the Toronto Film Festival
YES, I'm pissed off and YES, I have a legitimate reason to be pissed off. My family is looking at me again like I have two heads. They always do that when I blow my top, because Mommy is going crazy again.
It's NOT my toys all over the living room floor. NOT my clothes draped across the sofa. NOT me sitting watching someone else work. NOT me with a geography project due on Tuesday or a French speech due. NOT me ignoring the fact that the central vac is not working. YES YES YES, I went downstairs, walked over to the main vac unit and tried switching it on - NOTHING happened. YES, it was me that tested the main unit after asking you to run downstairs and see if you - the mechanic, electrician, master of all trades - could see what is wrong with the vacumn. YES, I know the central vac is NOT working because YES I tested it - YES, I toggled the switch, I didn't just go downstairs and pick my nose.
YES, this is a husband and child rant, mostly husband. This is the same guy who will not look for something if he thinks I might know where it is because afterall, "why should I look if you know where it is!" My question is, "why do I always have to know where everything is?" "Why do I have to be the only one who uses my brain?" "Why do I have to do all the thinking for 5 people?" EXAMPLE: Kids wanted a dog, just had to have a dog. I used the usual reasons for not wanting one - I don't have the time or the need to look after another body in this house. I do not want to clean up after a dog. I do not want to clean up puke and crap off the floor. I do not want my house destroyed, clothes chewed, my favorite hiking boots destroyed, my favorite running shoes used for a chew toy. This morning I stayed in bed instead of jumping up the minute I woke up. My husband told me I could stay in bed, he would get up and look after the kids and such...he's still lying beside me. The kids had gotten up and were sitting watching TV. Who was going to let the dog out? So I got up out of bed, leaving my husband to sleep - after all, why break his record. Anyway, after some subtle reminders about who really wanted the animal and after being very persuasive as to who was going to let him out and feed him one of the children thought he would do it this morning. I mean really, you have a dog who does occasionally need to go outside to pee or poop - I say occasionally because it seems he thinks the floor is his toilet - and he does require a certain amount of food each day. Has he all of a sudden learned to open doors for himself? NO! But, I had to tell my little people to let the dog out and feed him. Oh, my GOD! Next time I am coming back as a brain, or atleast someone with a brain for every person in her household. My brain is taxed to the limit just thinking for me. There is nothing left to do the thinking of 4 other people.
I am taking a break from cleaning because YES, my vac has stopped working. Think the motor is burned out. My 'master of all trades' will fix it. Or so I thought, he is now on the phone planning a snowmobile trip for the day. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! And just when I was deep into house cleaning bliss. OH, wait, there may not be a trip today. The person on the other end of the phone has other plans. AH! Are you going to fix the vac? I have to finish cleaning the house. "You should have finished cleaning before the vac broke." There's a funny man - try being funny with the vacumn cleaner hose stuck up your _ _ _ !
OK, I am just about over my rant now. Gotta love this blogging. When there is no one around to listen I go online and type away my frustrations.
A CLEANSING SIGH!
It's NOT my toys all over the living room floor. NOT my clothes draped across the sofa. NOT me sitting watching someone else work. NOT me with a geography project due on Tuesday or a French speech due. NOT me ignoring the fact that the central vac is not working. YES YES YES, I went downstairs, walked over to the main vac unit and tried switching it on - NOTHING happened. YES, it was me that tested the main unit after asking you to run downstairs and see if you - the mechanic, electrician, master of all trades - could see what is wrong with the vacumn. YES, I know the central vac is NOT working because YES I tested it - YES, I toggled the switch, I didn't just go downstairs and pick my nose.
YES, this is a husband and child rant, mostly husband. This is the same guy who will not look for something if he thinks I might know where it is because afterall, "why should I look if you know where it is!" My question is, "why do I always have to know where everything is?" "Why do I have to be the only one who uses my brain?" "Why do I have to do all the thinking for 5 people?" EXAMPLE: Kids wanted a dog, just had to have a dog. I used the usual reasons for not wanting one - I don't have the time or the need to look after another body in this house. I do not want to clean up after a dog. I do not want to clean up puke and crap off the floor. I do not want my house destroyed, clothes chewed, my favorite hiking boots destroyed, my favorite running shoes used for a chew toy. This morning I stayed in bed instead of jumping up the minute I woke up. My husband told me I could stay in bed, he would get up and look after the kids and such...he's still lying beside me. The kids had gotten up and were sitting watching TV. Who was going to let the dog out? So I got up out of bed, leaving my husband to sleep - after all, why break his record. Anyway, after some subtle reminders about who really wanted the animal and after being very persuasive as to who was going to let him out and feed him one of the children thought he would do it this morning. I mean really, you have a dog who does occasionally need to go outside to pee or poop - I say occasionally because it seems he thinks the floor is his toilet - and he does require a certain amount of food each day. Has he all of a sudden learned to open doors for himself? NO! But, I had to tell my little people to let the dog out and feed him. Oh, my GOD! Next time I am coming back as a brain, or atleast someone with a brain for every person in her household. My brain is taxed to the limit just thinking for me. There is nothing left to do the thinking of 4 other people.
I am taking a break from cleaning because YES, my vac has stopped working. Think the motor is burned out. My 'master of all trades' will fix it. Or so I thought, he is now on the phone planning a snowmobile trip for the day. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! And just when I was deep into house cleaning bliss. OH, wait, there may not be a trip today. The person on the other end of the phone has other plans. AH! Are you going to fix the vac? I have to finish cleaning the house. "You should have finished cleaning before the vac broke." There's a funny man - try being funny with the vacumn cleaner hose stuck up your _ _ _ !
OK, I am just about over my rant now. Gotta love this blogging. When there is no one around to listen I go online and type away my frustrations.
A CLEANSING SIGH!
Monday, February 06, 2006
Old and new friends
Just home from Monday morning breakfast club. You never know who will be there and who won't. Well, we knew Kris wouldn't be there - she's on her way to sitting on a sunny beach in Puerto Plata with her book, her drink and her camera in 84F temperatures. So we have -8C temperatures, the sun is trying to shine and intermittent snow. What do we have to be jealous about. But I will admit, there was a collective sigh this morning when we mentioned Kris.
There is always pleasant conversation, lots of laughs - usually at each other. But then isn't that part of what makes a friendship, when you are able to share the good, the bad and the embarrassing moments. When the laughs come easy, and it's not about laughing at someone but laughing with them.
Ran into an old friend while leaving Hursty's (our local spot for breakfast) this morning. It's funny how old friends, that you haven't seen for quite some time, can become almost like strangers. I know anyone of the ladies I had breakfast with this morning better than I know this 'old friend'. It's been a lot of years with very little contact between us. We were maid-of-honor for each other and were quite close but the years have gone by, life happened without either of us in the other's life. We've tried to stay in touch. For awhile we did manage to get together for the occasional 'girl's weekend' but that didn't last long. When we do meet it's always the same good-bye - "let's plan to get together soon". Old friends are good, they keep you humble especially if you knew them when you were young and foolish. A lot of secrets could be told, some that might best be forgotten. New friends, on the other hand, get to know you when you have matured, when you are beyond embarrasing yourself, YA RIGHT!
New friends, old friends - the best kind of friends to have.
There is always pleasant conversation, lots of laughs - usually at each other. But then isn't that part of what makes a friendship, when you are able to share the good, the bad and the embarrassing moments. When the laughs come easy, and it's not about laughing at someone but laughing with them.
Ran into an old friend while leaving Hursty's (our local spot for breakfast) this morning. It's funny how old friends, that you haven't seen for quite some time, can become almost like strangers. I know anyone of the ladies I had breakfast with this morning better than I know this 'old friend'. It's been a lot of years with very little contact between us. We were maid-of-honor for each other and were quite close but the years have gone by, life happened without either of us in the other's life. We've tried to stay in touch. For awhile we did manage to get together for the occasional 'girl's weekend' but that didn't last long. When we do meet it's always the same good-bye - "let's plan to get together soon". Old friends are good, they keep you humble especially if you knew them when you were young and foolish. A lot of secrets could be told, some that might best be forgotten. New friends, on the other hand, get to know you when you have matured, when you are beyond embarrasing yourself, YA RIGHT!
New friends, old friends - the best kind of friends to have.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
I did something today that I haven't done for a very long time. I rested. I had two, count 'em - two naps. That is going some for me. When I can fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon that means that I am way beyond tired. I am totally exhausted. Have been exhausted for longer than I can remember. If I calculated back I would say it must be 14 years since I've had a good nights sleep, ever since my oldest son came along. He used to wake up at 5 a.m to be nursed and ever since then 5 a.m. has become a common waking time for me (as has 4 a.m., 3 a.m. and even 2 a.m., actually pretty much any hour.) Not that I start my day at that hour but I sure do loose a lot of good sleeping time.
I have always been a night-owl but over the years it has started to catch up with me. And when I do go to bed I spend most of my quality sleeping time either tossing and turning or worrying. I wish I had a switch that I could turn my mind off.
I was going to go out and take some winter shots but I decided against that and instead I sat down to watch a couple of movies and eventually fell asleep. They were both the kind of sleep that are hard to wake up from, the kind where your eyelids just won't open. I hated to get up to make dinner, would have loved to just stay asleep but...and to tell the truth with 3 kids, a husband and a dog it was amazing that I was able to fall asleep at all.
Can't wait to go to bed.
I have always been a night-owl but over the years it has started to catch up with me. And when I do go to bed I spend most of my quality sleeping time either tossing and turning or worrying. I wish I had a switch that I could turn my mind off.
I was going to go out and take some winter shots but I decided against that and instead I sat down to watch a couple of movies and eventually fell asleep. They were both the kind of sleep that are hard to wake up from, the kind where your eyelids just won't open. I hated to get up to make dinner, would have loved to just stay asleep but...and to tell the truth with 3 kids, a husband and a dog it was amazing that I was able to fall asleep at all.
Can't wait to go to bed.
Friday, February 03, 2006
6 more weeks till spring...
and I am going to count every last one of them. The countdown is on.
3 more sleeps, Kris! While we will be basking in snow and/or rain (can't wait, whoopee) my friend Kris will be tanning in the Dominican - some people just don't know how to enjoy winter....LOL!
I am not a winter person. I love snow for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but after that it can all go away. I work outside, surprised that I do infact, considering that I hate being cold. HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT! As I am typing my fingers feel like they are going to fall off, I start getting cold in Oct. and don't thaw out till mid March.
It's half way between rain and snow this morning, high of 2C. Sun would be nice. I can take a lot of sun. Sun is happy, sun is warm.
3 more sleeps, Kris! While we will be basking in snow and/or rain (can't wait, whoopee) my friend Kris will be tanning in the Dominican - some people just don't know how to enjoy winter....LOL!
I am not a winter person. I love snow for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but after that it can all go away. I work outside, surprised that I do infact, considering that I hate being cold. HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT! As I am typing my fingers feel like they are going to fall off, I start getting cold in Oct. and don't thaw out till mid March.
It's half way between rain and snow this morning, high of 2C. Sun would be nice. I can take a lot of sun. Sun is happy, sun is warm.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Gotta love the 'little people'
Don't ya just love when an unexpected chance for 'down-time' presents itself.
Today my friend Kris had a late afternoon business meeting and could not be around to take her daughter to an appointment so she asked me if I could take her daughter. It's a great compliment to be asked to help a friend, it becomes even more special when that friend puts her children in your care. The appointment was for 2:15 so I picked my little friend up at school and headed out. We waited and waited and no one showed up but we didn't really care because we were having 'down-time'. This was special 'down-time' because I got to spend it with a special little friend. It's cool, it's a happy place when you can share time with little people.
I am very fortunate because I get to spend a lot of time with little people. Being an elementary school noon supervisor allows me the time to be with kids and sometimes I get to be a kid myself - that is special, that is cool, that is the most wonderful feeling in the world, to be able to let yourself go and stop being an adult for even the teeniest amount of time. I love snowball fights but we can't have snowball fights at school - so ya gotta be careful not to get caught. LOL! So far we have been very lucky. Although there was the one day all the other adults in the yard turned a blind-eye, as it turned out it was way to obvious what was going on. I hadn't thought anyone was watching but when I got back into the school it was mentioned that I should dress better because my neck was all red and appeared to be cold. Just then one of the other supervisors walked by and casually mentioned that it was red because I had been in a snowball fight. Aha! I know that secretly she would have liked to join us.
Everyday I get to spend time with kids, sometimes it seems like I am surrounded by them - COOL! After awhile you even start to sound like them, in fact somedays I have a hard time speaking to my adult friends because I do so much 'kidspeak'. It seems that kids are my life, what better way to stay young, or atleast young at heart. Wouldn't trade it.
So, my little friend and I had a wonderful unplanned 1/2 hour together. We talked about grandparents and family and friends. We talked about school and homework, we talked and talked and talked. It was the most awesome! My day had begun hectic and there were no signs of it becoming any less hectic so to have that special time to unwind was just what I needed. Thanks Kris, thanks Kaigh. And you thought I was doing something special for you!
Today my friend Kris had a late afternoon business meeting and could not be around to take her daughter to an appointment so she asked me if I could take her daughter. It's a great compliment to be asked to help a friend, it becomes even more special when that friend puts her children in your care. The appointment was for 2:15 so I picked my little friend up at school and headed out. We waited and waited and no one showed up but we didn't really care because we were having 'down-time'. This was special 'down-time' because I got to spend it with a special little friend. It's cool, it's a happy place when you can share time with little people.
I am very fortunate because I get to spend a lot of time with little people. Being an elementary school noon supervisor allows me the time to be with kids and sometimes I get to be a kid myself - that is special, that is cool, that is the most wonderful feeling in the world, to be able to let yourself go and stop being an adult for even the teeniest amount of time. I love snowball fights but we can't have snowball fights at school - so ya gotta be careful not to get caught. LOL! So far we have been very lucky. Although there was the one day all the other adults in the yard turned a blind-eye, as it turned out it was way to obvious what was going on. I hadn't thought anyone was watching but when I got back into the school it was mentioned that I should dress better because my neck was all red and appeared to be cold. Just then one of the other supervisors walked by and casually mentioned that it was red because I had been in a snowball fight. Aha! I know that secretly she would have liked to join us.
Everyday I get to spend time with kids, sometimes it seems like I am surrounded by them - COOL! After awhile you even start to sound like them, in fact somedays I have a hard time speaking to my adult friends because I do so much 'kidspeak'. It seems that kids are my life, what better way to stay young, or atleast young at heart. Wouldn't trade it.
So, my little friend and I had a wonderful unplanned 1/2 hour together. We talked about grandparents and family and friends. We talked about school and homework, we talked and talked and talked. It was the most awesome! My day had begun hectic and there were no signs of it becoming any less hectic so to have that special time to unwind was just what I needed. Thanks Kris, thanks Kaigh. And you thought I was doing something special for you!
Monday, January 30, 2006
Went shopping on Saturday.
with 4 kids
2 - 11 year olds
1 - 10 year
1 - 8 year old
2 were girls
2 were boys
2 were mine
2 belong to my friend who also dared go shopping with 4 kids
"I warn you, I don't want any fighting!"
"I want you to behave like little angels!"
"no begging for toys, you just had Christmas and your birthday. We are still not able to find your bedroom floor!"
"yes, you can spend your birthday money"
"leave your sister alone."
"leave your brother alone"
SMILE, those are your two. Mine are quiet at the moment
thanks goodness for mp3 players and handheld video games
"I told you to eat breakfast"
"no, don't spend all your money in one spot, you might find something you like at the next store"
"No, you'll only eat one slice of pizza. No, you have been sick, you will never eat two."
"full already?! and you have hardly touched your ONE slice of pizza"
"ok guys, we've been to the game stores now let the girls shop for clothes"
"yes, ice cream for everyone" AH, the power of food, atleast it keeps the mouth busy
Money is all spent. Time to go home.
Friend's conversation with husband, "were they good?" "yes, wow, yes they were!"
Friend to me, 'they were good, weren't they!?"
"yes, wow, yes they were!"
"Mom, were we good today?"
"Yes, hon, you were a perfect little angels!"
WOW! That was fun.
should we ever tempt fate again?
hmmmmm,
with 4 kids
2 - 11 year olds
1 - 10 year
1 - 8 year old
2 were girls
2 were boys
2 were mine
2 belong to my friend who also dared go shopping with 4 kids
"I warn you, I don't want any fighting!"
"I want you to behave like little angels!"
"no begging for toys, you just had Christmas and your birthday. We are still not able to find your bedroom floor!"
"yes, you can spend your birthday money"
"leave your sister alone."
"leave your brother alone"
SMILE, those are your two. Mine are quiet at the moment
thanks goodness for mp3 players and handheld video games
"I told you to eat breakfast"
"no, don't spend all your money in one spot, you might find something you like at the next store"
"No, you'll only eat one slice of pizza. No, you have been sick, you will never eat two."
"full already?! and you have hardly touched your ONE slice of pizza"
"ok guys, we've been to the game stores now let the girls shop for clothes"
"yes, ice cream for everyone" AH, the power of food, atleast it keeps the mouth busy
Money is all spent. Time to go home.
Friend's conversation with husband, "were they good?" "yes, wow, yes they were!"
Friend to me, 'they were good, weren't they!?"
"yes, wow, yes they were!"
"Mom, were we good today?"
"Yes, hon, you were a perfect little angels!"
WOW! That was fun.
should we ever tempt fate again?
hmmmmm,
Sunday, January 29, 2006
smell that smell...
Went to my sister's for her son's birthday tonight. Even though she didn't smoke while we were there, she is supposed to be quitting, I came home smelling pretty foul. I came home and changed my clothes right away. YECH!
OH MY GOD! The smell is everywhere - the sofa, the walls, the dishes...she smokes inside her house - with her 13 year old son right there. He smells like smoke, it's in his clothes, it's on his skin. Does she not stop to think about what she is doing to HIS lungs, she obviously doesn't care what she is doing to her own.
I used to be a smoker but I am proud to be a NON-SMOKER for 18 1/2 years. And as my smoker friends will gladly tell you, I am not very supportive of their difficulty in fighting the nasty 'cancer-stick'. I was one of the very few, fortunate smokes who quit 'cold-turkey' and therefore I do not appreciate the difficulty. I am getting better and trying to give my friends their space. I am not giving up though, I am still going to do my best to encourage them to quit. But for a lot of smokers their cigarettes are a crutch and that I completely understand. Can you say booze! NO, I am not an alcoholic, just an occasional drinker, occasionally when I feel the need for a crutch!
But we all have a need - be it cigarettes, a good stiff drink every once in awhile, weed, you name it - we reach for whatever is our comforter, our crutch to help us get through whatever may be our troubles. So, as much as I wish my friends would STOP, I do understand their reasons.
OH MY GOD! The smell is everywhere - the sofa, the walls, the dishes...she smokes inside her house - with her 13 year old son right there. He smells like smoke, it's in his clothes, it's on his skin. Does she not stop to think about what she is doing to HIS lungs, she obviously doesn't care what she is doing to her own.
I used to be a smoker but I am proud to be a NON-SMOKER for 18 1/2 years. And as my smoker friends will gladly tell you, I am not very supportive of their difficulty in fighting the nasty 'cancer-stick'. I was one of the very few, fortunate smokes who quit 'cold-turkey' and therefore I do not appreciate the difficulty. I am getting better and trying to give my friends their space. I am not giving up though, I am still going to do my best to encourage them to quit. But for a lot of smokers their cigarettes are a crutch and that I completely understand. Can you say booze! NO, I am not an alcoholic, just an occasional drinker, occasionally when I feel the need for a crutch!
But we all have a need - be it cigarettes, a good stiff drink every once in awhile, weed, you name it - we reach for whatever is our comforter, our crutch to help us get through whatever may be our troubles. So, as much as I wish my friends would STOP, I do understand their reasons.
Low man(person) on the totem pole...
...that is what I have unknowingly been delegated to. According to my husband since I am the 'only wife in the world' who doesn't have a decent job and therefore doesn't bring home a decent paycheque then I am the 'insignificant other'. Actually he said I don't have any job and volunteering is useless. To clarify, I do have a job and I do a lot of volunteering, both of which makes me very happy and help me to feel worthwhile, since my husband is not very good at either - obviously!
According to his philosophy, it's not how hard you work, it's how much money you bring home that makes you a person to be respected.
And all because I mentioned he hadn't cleaned up after he ate breakfast this morning and that he left a mess on the floor that the dog made. He walked around it for atleast 1 hour.
But you see, those were my jobs because I don't do anything. "LAZY" being the word of choice thrown at me this morning. @#$%#$ MEN!!!
And what am I to learn from this!
According to his philosophy, it's not how hard you work, it's how much money you bring home that makes you a person to be respected.
And all because I mentioned he hadn't cleaned up after he ate breakfast this morning and that he left a mess on the floor that the dog made. He walked around it for atleast 1 hour.
But you see, those were my jobs because I don't do anything. "LAZY" being the word of choice thrown at me this morning. @#$%#$ MEN!!!
And what am I to learn from this!
Friday, January 27, 2006
"LIVE WELL...LOVE MUCH...LAUGH OFTEN"
this is the motto written on a bracelet I gave to a very special friend.
this is the motto written on a bracelet I gave to a very special friend.
It was a "just because" gift, meaning I gave it to her just because I wanted to, not that there was really any reason, other than I love her and the fact the saying on the bracelet is entirely what she is all about. One night while surfing the web I came across the Breast Cancer Site Store and there it was, just the perfect gift. It was also a chance to make a donation.
Lately it appears that quite a few of my favorite blogs are telling stories of family and friends who have been struck with cancer. My friend's mother died a little over 10 years ago from breast cancer. My father had cancer when he died 13 years ago. Technically it was a stroke that killed him but the stroke was most likely brought on by the cancer. A friend's husband is going through tests, hopefully they will hear something within the next couple of weeks. Good or bad, either way, it's at the point that if it is cancer then they can start to do the proper procedures to try to halt it. Right now they are in limbo, any answer is better than no answer.
There is no place to hide, we can't run from it. The only thing we can do is continue to support the cause and maybe one day there will be a cure.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
They're trimming my son's tree.
For the birth of each of my children I planted a tree. 14 years ago we planted an oak on the front yard. Yes, we knew someday it would have to be trimmed from the Hydro wires. Today is that day. As I write the men are cutting and chopping. The whole family is watching. They are not chopping it down just trimming it...the mighty oak will remain and it will still stand as my son's tree just as proud as ever as a reminder of that day 14 years ago.
For the birth of each of my children I planted a tree. 14 years ago we planted an oak on the front yard. Yes, we knew someday it would have to be trimmed from the Hydro wires. Today is that day. As I write the men are cutting and chopping. The whole family is watching. They are not chopping it down just trimming it...the mighty oak will remain and it will still stand as my son's tree just as proud as ever as a reminder of that day 14 years ago.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
In true friendship there is no pay back. There is just the knowing that someone is there for you when you need them. To make you smile on days when a smile is hard to make. Someone to support you...
Today I picked up a friend's daughter from school, she had a sore tummy. Mom was out of town at a meeting, that's why I got the call. I took her to her home, tucked her into bed and called Dad. When I went back to school for noon duty the secretary asked me how she was. So I told her we found Dad and everything was ok. The secretary put it all into perspective when she said, "you are lucky to have each other for help". Yes, we are! My friend was here for me yesterday and today I was lucky enough to be around for her. IT'S ALL GOOD!
Today I picked up a friend's daughter from school, she had a sore tummy. Mom was out of town at a meeting, that's why I got the call. I took her to her home, tucked her into bed and called Dad. When I went back to school for noon duty the secretary asked me how she was. So I told her we found Dad and everything was ok. The secretary put it all into perspective when she said, "you are lucky to have each other for help". Yes, we are! My friend was here for me yesterday and today I was lucky enough to be around for her. IT'S ALL GOOD!
Friendship
by M. Buxbaum
by M. Buxbaum
Because you are
my friend, I have
no lock on tongue
or heart...for you
are me...outside of
me...a separated
part...that laughs
with me and weeps a
tear...if I should
need a tear...or offers
an arm to offset harm...
whenever harm is near.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Envy
I envy my friends who have wonderful loving husbands whom they enjoy spending time with. The kind of husbands who would do almost anything for them. I think I envy them more because I used to have one, I used to know what it was like. I am having a very hard time liking my husband these days, so I am far from wanting to spend time with him.
While talking with a friend today the conversation got around to when her poor husband gets home tonight he is going to snowblow their yard. My husband was home from a day spent snowmobiling when I got home. I asked him if he was going to clean our yard. His response was pretty clear - if I wanted it done I was going to have to do it myself. I was prepared for that response.... as much as we hope things will change they have a way of staying the same, good or bad.
When does it get to the point of no-return? When do you just put your hands up in the air and say "I give up, I can't do this anymore!"? You try to make changes but one can't do it alone.
A friend keeps telling me that we have to treat our partners like we treat our friends. Yes, I agree but if my friends treated me the way my husband sometimes does they wouldn't be my friends. So, why do we hang on? Why do we continue on in a relationship that is not as it once was?
While talking with a friend today the conversation got around to when her poor husband gets home tonight he is going to snowblow their yard. My husband was home from a day spent snowmobiling when I got home. I asked him if he was going to clean our yard. His response was pretty clear - if I wanted it done I was going to have to do it myself. I was prepared for that response.... as much as we hope things will change they have a way of staying the same, good or bad.
When does it get to the point of no-return? When do you just put your hands up in the air and say "I give up, I can't do this anymore!"? You try to make changes but one can't do it alone.
A friend keeps telling me that we have to treat our partners like we treat our friends. Yes, I agree but if my friends treated me the way my husband sometimes does they wouldn't be my friends. So, why do we hang on? Why do we continue on in a relationship that is not as it once was?
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Tubing Fun
Loaded up the van and headed to the local tubing hill for an afternoon of fun
to celebrate an 8th birthday. The day started out very snowy, which led to anticipation as to whether we should head out on the road but we ventured out and all were glad we did. After tubing was skating. Then it was time to celebrate a girlfriend's 37th birthday. Lots of snow and snowballs. It's a great day when you crawl to bed totally exhausted and glad you participated.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Ok, today was a much better day. I actually got some work done - committee work. I took on the job of doing the brochure for the 2006 session of one of my very favorite committees. I have been having a very hard time getting my head around any sort of computer work after my very understanding husband took a fit one night and threated to throw our computer out the back door because "all you ever do it sit at the computer!" @#$#@ DAH! because that is where I do most of my work. Some people just don't want or care to understand. He-man is the 'breadwinner' and I am the 'little woman' who is supposed to devote all her time and energy to looking after his family. NOT! Actually, that's not really his beef, atleast I don't think so, and if it is - where the fuck did he ever get that idea! I am no ones 'little woman', I am not now or never have I been someone who is going to be told what to do by my 'he-man'. Although, lately he has thrown in my face the fact that he works hard and brings home a bigger pay cheque than I do. Excuse me! But if he paid me, what I am worth, for the work I do just around the house I WOULD bring home the bigger pay cheque. Just wanted to clear that misconception up.
Anyway, had a good day, got some work done. Took the kids out for dessert with my best gal pal and her daughter. Made plans to go tubing tomorrow with same gal pal and our daughters to a birthday party for their friends.
Anyway, had a good day, got some work done. Took the kids out for dessert with my best gal pal and her daughter. Made plans to go tubing tomorrow with same gal pal and our daughters to a birthday party for their friends.
"It's all good!" cleansing sigh
Thursday, January 19, 2006
What I am listening to...
EVERYTHING by Lifehouse
find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
This thing called life can be very hard to live. Hey, don't get me wrong, I love life and I try to live it to the fullest but shit somedays the weight of the world just seems to be sitting on your shoulders, you just crash and burn. The emotional highs can be sooooo high and the lows can be so extremely low. Why can't it just be smooth going all the time.
I tend to think too much, analyze all the time - I go looking for trouble and usually find it!
I tend to think too much, analyze all the time - I go looking for trouble and usually find it!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sisters
I just came from breakfast with my "sisters". For over a year now a bunch of us have been meeting for breakfast every monday morning. We drop our kids at school and head to Hursty's, a local restaurant. We can be two or 12, it's whoever can make it. This has become a ritual that many try not to miss. It is our stress-free way of starting the week. We hate p.d. days and holidays, if they fall on a monday, because they interfere with our breakfast. Our conversations usually run the gamut from our kids to school to work - you name it, nothing is off limits. It is 'our time'. We support and criticize. We laugh, we sympathize. We are sisters!
Very appropriately this is the first email I received this morning:
Very appropriately this is the first email I received this morning:
Sisters
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking
iced tea and visiting with her Mother.
iced tea and visiting with her Mother.
As they talked about life, about marriage, about the
responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood,
the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass
responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood,
the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass
thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea
leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important
as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no
matter how much you love the children you may have,
leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important
as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no
matter how much you love the children you may have,
you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with
them now and then; do things with them.
them now and then; do things with them.
And remember that "Sisters" also means your girlfriends,
your daughters, and other women relatives too.
You'll need other women. Women always do."
your daughters, and other women relatives too.
You'll need other women. Women always do."
"What a funny piece of advice!" the young woman thought.
"Haven't I just gotten married?Haven't I just joined the couple-world?
I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup.
Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"
But she listened to her Mother.
She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year.
As the years tumbled by, one after another,
she gradually came to under-stand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.
As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman,
Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.
BUT, Sisters are there.
No matter how much time or how
many miles are between you,
a Sister is never farther away than your
needing her can reach.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.
BUT, Sisters are there.
No matter how much time or how
many miles are between you,
a Sister is never farther away than your
needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to
walk it for yourself, your Sisters will be on the valley's rim,
cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you,
intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms
at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and
walk it for yourself, your Sisters will be on the valley's rim,
cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you,
intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms
at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and
walk beside you.
Or come in and carry you out.
Our daughters, sisters, sisters-in-law, and "girlfriends" bless our lives!
Or come in and carry you out.
Our daughters, sisters, sisters-in-law, and "girlfriends" bless our lives!
Our worlds wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would we.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no
idea of the incredible joys or devastating sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no
idea of the incredible joys or devastating sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
Tomorrow we will need each other even more.
Tomorrow we will need each other even more.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Shut up!!!
Sometimes no matter how hard I try the words just don't come out right, I just never get my point across or my feelings expressed properly. It's in my head, but somewhere between my tonsils and my lips it gets all fucked up. I end up wondering why I ever opened my mouth.....blah, blah, blah....I come off sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher. I have thought it all out before opening my mouth but &$(*#@^$(*@&@(*&#, it's like, shit, I just sounded like such an idiot, again. I over thought it, I over complicated it. And besides, it really only mattered to me.
Like tonight for instance, I was trying to say something to a friend. We are starting a photography business together. If it works it works, if it doesn't we will have had fun because photography is something we both enjoy. And what we do together better than anything else is have fun. Anyway, I have seemed almost hesitant but with her being the type of person who jumps right in with both feet I am the complete opposite - I always have to go over and over it in my head, is this the right thing, is this the right time, am I going to be able to hold up my end. After all, she brings into this all the expertise, I am on a learning curve. She is the 'photographer', I am the amateur. She has been in business before, I have not. She has loads of confidence, having been in business before, I don't! I believe she is doing this as much for me as for herself. I do know that she is great at whatever she does, this being no exception and that she would like to get back into it. We got our feet wet before Christmas taking family portraits as a fundraiser for our Home and School and through it all we had fun and realized that our respect for each other makes us a great team.
So all that was what I tried to say to her plus that I am so sure about this and that it just takes me a little longer to get to the point where I am comfortable. And I am not real sure if it is comfortable with the prospect of starting this business or comfortable with my own ability - probably equal amounts of both. But like usual I left her looking at me glassy-eyed and probably wondering what the fuck the big deal was all about. Mind you it was after 11 pm and she is a 'to bed by 9' kind of person.
With all that said and done I thing I'm going back to keeping it inside, less likely I will fuck up and look stupid.
And on the off-chance that our business venture really becomes something, it would be such a boost to the confidence level which has taken a real shit kicking over the years. Plus, I'd like the chance to show my husband that I do more than just 'sit on my ass'. But, that's a story for another time.
Like tonight for instance, I was trying to say something to a friend. We are starting a photography business together. If it works it works, if it doesn't we will have had fun because photography is something we both enjoy. And what we do together better than anything else is have fun. Anyway, I have seemed almost hesitant but with her being the type of person who jumps right in with both feet I am the complete opposite - I always have to go over and over it in my head, is this the right thing, is this the right time, am I going to be able to hold up my end. After all, she brings into this all the expertise, I am on a learning curve. She is the 'photographer', I am the amateur. She has been in business before, I have not. She has loads of confidence, having been in business before, I don't! I believe she is doing this as much for me as for herself. I do know that she is great at whatever she does, this being no exception and that she would like to get back into it. We got our feet wet before Christmas taking family portraits as a fundraiser for our Home and School and through it all we had fun and realized that our respect for each other makes us a great team.
So all that was what I tried to say to her plus that I am so sure about this and that it just takes me a little longer to get to the point where I am comfortable. And I am not real sure if it is comfortable with the prospect of starting this business or comfortable with my own ability - probably equal amounts of both. But like usual I left her looking at me glassy-eyed and probably wondering what the fuck the big deal was all about. Mind you it was after 11 pm and she is a 'to bed by 9' kind of person.
With all that said and done I thing I'm going back to keeping it inside, less likely I will fuck up and look stupid.
And on the off-chance that our business venture really becomes something, it would be such a boost to the confidence level which has taken a real shit kicking over the years. Plus, I'd like the chance to show my husband that I do more than just 'sit on my ass'. But, that's a story for another time.
Happy Birthday
Happy 8th Birthday little girl. You were born during the ice storm of 1998. Glad we lived 5 minutes from the hospital, we had already had 5 days of ice. I remember being in recovery and looking out the window at the bent and broken trees.You were my third and last c-section. It's true what they say, it gets easier with each birth. On your third day in this world you developed a fever and we spent the whole night in the nursery, well at least you did, I had to come and go from my room to nurse you. I didn't mind though because we were sharing a room with a first time mother who couldn't even hold her baby, didn't want to hold her baby. She always had visitors who would come in to feed and look after her baby girl.
With each baby it becomes less scary. Your motherly instinct just takes over and everything just comes naturally. The nursing, the bathing, the diaper changing - it's becomes second nature.
Today was the all-girl party. Tomorrow we celebrate with family.
Jan. 15, 1998
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Thursday, January 12, 2006
The Flag
by: Barenaked Ladies
The phone rings, it's early, it's seven o'clock,
He says, "Sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk.
You know last night, remember, when I tried to choke you?
I didn't mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke."
You should know that by now,
When the chequered flag comes down,
No one, no one, no one has won the race.
The next night he's over and over and under
And after he's finished she lies there and wonders
Just why does she need him, and why does she stay here,
And then in the darkness, he'll quietly say, "Dear,
You've never really known.
That when the white flag is flown,
No one, no one, no one has won the war."
They're complicated people leading complicated lives,
And he complicates their problems by telling complicated lies.
He tells her he's sorry. She tells him, "It's over."
He tells her he's sorry. She says, over and over,
"You've never really known,
That when the white flag is flown,
No one, no one, no one has won the war."
There goes a forest and there goes a bluebird
There goes a partridge and there goes a Go Train
There goes an angel and there goes a steeple
There goes a cop car and there goes an eagle
There goes a raven and there go the ribbons
There goes a raven and there go...
The ribbons, the ribbons, the ribbons...
The ribbons of the flag
It's MY FAULT
I am the most amazing person I know. I am personally and wholly responsible for everything that happens within the walls of my home. Isn't it wonderful to be that powerful! And my family is so amazingly kind and caring to believe that I am that powerful and that I am that capable. Ya gotta love their powers of belief!
I will attempt to share with you the extent of my powers -
This morning my 14 year heads out the door on his way to school. A short time later he storms back in the house shouting and yelling at me because he fell on some ice and that it was MY FAULT because I didn't put any salt on the ice. This is the same child who a few weeks ago also thought it was MY FAULT that he tripped over his pant legs. The same pant legs that I questioned him about just a day or so before, wondering if they were not just a tad too long. NO, he insisted that they were just the right length. The same child who insists that it is MY FAULT when he doesn't get his homework done on time. The same child who believes it is also MY FAULT when the printer won't work. This wonderful child credits me for just about everything that happens to him.
My other children think I am just as wonderful. My daughter couldn't find her tamagotchi this morning. MY FAULT. Also MY FAULT when she can't find her hat, I must have put it somewhere just to hide it from her. MY FAULT when she can't find just the right t-shirt.
My other son is just beginning to believe in me. He has always been a little more skeptical of my powers but he is catching on quickly. And my husband is the biggest believer of them all. It is MY FAULT when the house is a mess. It is MY FAULT when the children don't behave and on and on. Wonderful man!
I will attempt to share with you the extent of my powers -
This morning my 14 year heads out the door on his way to school. A short time later he storms back in the house shouting and yelling at me because he fell on some ice and that it was MY FAULT because I didn't put any salt on the ice. This is the same child who a few weeks ago also thought it was MY FAULT that he tripped over his pant legs. The same pant legs that I questioned him about just a day or so before, wondering if they were not just a tad too long. NO, he insisted that they were just the right length. The same child who insists that it is MY FAULT when he doesn't get his homework done on time. The same child who believes it is also MY FAULT when the printer won't work. This wonderful child credits me for just about everything that happens to him.
My other children think I am just as wonderful. My daughter couldn't find her tamagotchi this morning. MY FAULT. Also MY FAULT when she can't find her hat, I must have put it somewhere just to hide it from her. MY FAULT when she can't find just the right t-shirt.
My other son is just beginning to believe in me. He has always been a little more skeptical of my powers but he is catching on quickly. And my husband is the biggest believer of them all. It is MY FAULT when the house is a mess. It is MY FAULT when the children don't behave and on and on. Wonderful man!
I AM ALL POWERFUL, I CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
One of those days...
…you know the kind of day that you wish you had never gotten out of bed for. The kind of day that you wish/hope that you will never see again. But in my case this kind of day is more often than not.
The scenario:
3 kids – 14, 10 & 7 and one husband.
10 am. – asked kids to put dirty clothes in laundry room, wash day. Oldest son can’t because he hasn’t anything to carry his clothes in. Oh yes, did I mention that we cut his arms off! Middle son is busy building some creature – priorities! Youngest child is a 7-year-old girl going on 15 – need I say more. Husband still sleeping, worked the night shift last night – just got home at 8 am. – off the next two days. Me – hair appointment at 10:30 – time to cover up the gray.
11:45 – home from hair dressers
- no laundry picked up
- husband still sleeping
- kids playing games, chatting on the computer
Noon – make lunch
Not sure what time Kris called but it was a much needed break. Always great to hear a ‘friendly voice’.
1 pm. - go outside to shovel snow – 2nd. day in a row. – 3rd. time since last week. HATE SNOW – spring where are you! Continue to try to convince myself that I enjoy shovelling snow for the health benefits. 14-year-old playing video games, trying to figure out how to get his laundry carried downstairs. 2 younger kids playing games, can’t find the sofa or love seat for toys. Husband still sleeping.
2:25 – done shovelling – is that a heart attack I feel coming on. Totally pissed off and feeling really under appreciated and totally alone. Miracles do happen, oldest son has found a way to get his clothes to the basement.
2:45 – husband up. Try to convince my family that I would really appreciate them taking down the Christmas tree. Then I can vacuum and clean up the living room, after they move their presents to their rooms. Actually, I ranted and raved – they looked at me like I had two heads. Didn’t get anywhere with them.
Need to get away – mental break time
Took camera and went for a drive in the country to get some winter pics. Got some not so great shots.
3:30 – home again. Tree still standing. Start laundry before I begin to take down the tree. Strip the tree bare – literally, it was so dry there was hardly a needle left on the branches by the time I was done taking the lights and decorations off.
Convince husband it would be less messy if he wrapped the tree in a tarp to drag it outside. He and oldest child drag it out. 2 youngest help put decorations in their proper places. While I vacuum they continue to play on living room floor, moving their toys around so I can vacuum – so thoughtful.
4:00 – take a few minutes to check emails. A couple from friends saying they can make lunch tomorrow – CAN’T WAIT! We are getting together to celebrate a friend’s birthday – SURPRISE!
4:15 – ask kids to clear out their toys to their rooms. Maybe I do have two heads.
4:30 – decide I’m too tired to cook so I do the next best thing – order pizza.
5:10 – pizza, come and get it!
6:15 – have an argument with oldest son who is outside in garage working on snowmobile instead of taking a shower and getting ready for school tomorrow.
- go to store for lunch supplies. Stop by Mom’s to see if she needs anything – she just lives up the street. Moved there a couple of years before Dad died. Notice that my nephew did a lousy job of clearing her walkway and back step so I start shovelling.
6:25 - Notice time and decide I had better get to the store before it closes at 7. If I have any energy left I will finish shovelling Mom’s walk before I go home.
6:45 – stop to finish Mom’s walk – cursing nephew the whole while. Lazy little shit! He barely made a path the width of the shovel. Damn this snow is heavy. Right arm starting to ache. Can hardly lift it. Maybe too much shovelling for one day but I have a bit of a stubborn streak which won’t allow me to stop.
7:20 – home.
- unload groceries.
- Husband watching tv.
- Standing in yard and crying, don't know where it came from, can't control it - it just happened, so damn tired. I feel kind of pathetic. Don't want to go back into the house, want somewhere else to go to, need to find a really great 'runaway place'. Don't want to face the remainder of the day. Just want it all to go away and for a better day to come. If I were a small child I could have a temper tantrum now and it would be all better. Stomp up and down and scream and shout...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...feel the relief! Feel the release!
Wish someone would come out to help carry in groceries or atleast open the door when I get there, knowing neither is going to happen. Very seldom does.
- Husband comes to kitchen as I enter the back door, tears streaming down my face. Looks at me like I have two heads – common way of saying you’re nuts – but doesn’t offer to help. I blow my stack, tell him I am so exhausted and I just want to cry and that if he is not going to help then please stop staring at me. He turns around and leaves the room. I continue to put groceries away, call him an asshole (in a low voice).
- Oldest son has taken his shower, thank goodness. Wasn’t looking forward to continuing that argument.
- 2 other children still playing on living room floor which is again almost unrecognizable, hardly looks like I did manage to get it vacuumed. Kitchen still a mess from supper.
- Put groceries away. Clear up supper mess.
Husband a real louse sometimes. Funny how they just don’t get it. When we most need their support they are not usually there, at least not mine. I will admit I did rant and rave a little more than usual today but come on, how many times should you really have to ask for help. I don’t ask for help too often because I am used to not getting it and therefore I don’t put myself out there too often, don’t put my pride on the line. Years have taken a toll on our relationship but just when you think things might be getting a little better you get that kick in the pants that tells you NOT! It was just blind hope.
7:45 – more laundry
- youngest finally in shower
8:00 – middle son jumps in shower with his sister. Lots of screaming, shouting and laughing. Too much noise. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Just seems to be echoing throughout the rest of the house. By this time of night I usually start looking forward to quiet.
8:15 – should call Kris, just for that friendly voice, but I decide not to bother her.
- Husband finally rises from the sofa to tell kids it’s time to dry off and get to bed. Goes back to tv.
8:20 – everyone out of shower. Dry daughter’s hair.
- husband watching tv and eating chips
8:30 – can’t believe it but kids all gone to bed. Boys will probably still be awake at 10 but atleast I finally have some space and quiet.
Totally exhausted. Working on 5 hours sleep (6 hours on a good night). I need 8 to truly survive but I haven’t seen 8 hours in many years, don’t know what it feels like.
8:45 – youngest still up. Says she can’t sleep without a night-light – it burned out last night. Dad takes her to bed, she will lie with him till she falls asleep and I will then move her into her own bed when I finally ‘hit the hay”.
Going to bed soon, tomorrow comes early. Won’t fall asleep right away but just to lie down will feel awfully good.
Tomorrow is another day and I have the lunch with friends to look forward to.
So, today was one of those days where it doesn’t matter how hard you try, it just turns out really shitty. Too much noise, no co-operation, exhausted, trying to do too much while exhausted, trying to get rest of family to understand how much I need some help – end up being the monster with ‘two heads”.
The scenario:
3 kids – 14, 10 & 7 and one husband.
10 am. – asked kids to put dirty clothes in laundry room, wash day. Oldest son can’t because he hasn’t anything to carry his clothes in. Oh yes, did I mention that we cut his arms off! Middle son is busy building some creature – priorities! Youngest child is a 7-year-old girl going on 15 – need I say more. Husband still sleeping, worked the night shift last night – just got home at 8 am. – off the next two days. Me – hair appointment at 10:30 – time to cover up the gray.
11:45 – home from hair dressers
- no laundry picked up
- husband still sleeping
- kids playing games, chatting on the computer
Noon – make lunch
Not sure what time Kris called but it was a much needed break. Always great to hear a ‘friendly voice’.
1 pm. - go outside to shovel snow – 2nd. day in a row. – 3rd. time since last week. HATE SNOW – spring where are you! Continue to try to convince myself that I enjoy shovelling snow for the health benefits. 14-year-old playing video games, trying to figure out how to get his laundry carried downstairs. 2 younger kids playing games, can’t find the sofa or love seat for toys. Husband still sleeping.
2:25 – done shovelling – is that a heart attack I feel coming on. Totally pissed off and feeling really under appreciated and totally alone. Miracles do happen, oldest son has found a way to get his clothes to the basement.
2:45 – husband up. Try to convince my family that I would really appreciate them taking down the Christmas tree. Then I can vacuum and clean up the living room, after they move their presents to their rooms. Actually, I ranted and raved – they looked at me like I had two heads. Didn’t get anywhere with them.
Need to get away – mental break time
Took camera and went for a drive in the country to get some winter pics. Got some not so great shots.
3:30 – home again. Tree still standing. Start laundry before I begin to take down the tree. Strip the tree bare – literally, it was so dry there was hardly a needle left on the branches by the time I was done taking the lights and decorations off.
Convince husband it would be less messy if he wrapped the tree in a tarp to drag it outside. He and oldest child drag it out. 2 youngest help put decorations in their proper places. While I vacuum they continue to play on living room floor, moving their toys around so I can vacuum – so thoughtful.
4:00 – take a few minutes to check emails. A couple from friends saying they can make lunch tomorrow – CAN’T WAIT! We are getting together to celebrate a friend’s birthday – SURPRISE!
4:15 – ask kids to clear out their toys to their rooms. Maybe I do have two heads.
4:30 – decide I’m too tired to cook so I do the next best thing – order pizza.
5:10 – pizza, come and get it!
6:15 – have an argument with oldest son who is outside in garage working on snowmobile instead of taking a shower and getting ready for school tomorrow.
- go to store for lunch supplies. Stop by Mom’s to see if she needs anything – she just lives up the street. Moved there a couple of years before Dad died. Notice that my nephew did a lousy job of clearing her walkway and back step so I start shovelling.
6:25 - Notice time and decide I had better get to the store before it closes at 7. If I have any energy left I will finish shovelling Mom’s walk before I go home.
6:45 – stop to finish Mom’s walk – cursing nephew the whole while. Lazy little shit! He barely made a path the width of the shovel. Damn this snow is heavy. Right arm starting to ache. Can hardly lift it. Maybe too much shovelling for one day but I have a bit of a stubborn streak which won’t allow me to stop.
7:20 – home.
- unload groceries.
- Husband watching tv.
- Standing in yard and crying, don't know where it came from, can't control it - it just happened, so damn tired. I feel kind of pathetic. Don't want to go back into the house, want somewhere else to go to, need to find a really great 'runaway place'. Don't want to face the remainder of the day. Just want it all to go away and for a better day to come. If I were a small child I could have a temper tantrum now and it would be all better. Stomp up and down and scream and shout...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...feel the relief! Feel the release!
Wish someone would come out to help carry in groceries or atleast open the door when I get there, knowing neither is going to happen. Very seldom does.
- Husband comes to kitchen as I enter the back door, tears streaming down my face. Looks at me like I have two heads – common way of saying you’re nuts – but doesn’t offer to help. I blow my stack, tell him I am so exhausted and I just want to cry and that if he is not going to help then please stop staring at me. He turns around and leaves the room. I continue to put groceries away, call him an asshole (in a low voice).
- Oldest son has taken his shower, thank goodness. Wasn’t looking forward to continuing that argument.
- 2 other children still playing on living room floor which is again almost unrecognizable, hardly looks like I did manage to get it vacuumed. Kitchen still a mess from supper.
- Put groceries away. Clear up supper mess.
Husband a real louse sometimes. Funny how they just don’t get it. When we most need their support they are not usually there, at least not mine. I will admit I did rant and rave a little more than usual today but come on, how many times should you really have to ask for help. I don’t ask for help too often because I am used to not getting it and therefore I don’t put myself out there too often, don’t put my pride on the line. Years have taken a toll on our relationship but just when you think things might be getting a little better you get that kick in the pants that tells you NOT! It was just blind hope.
7:45 – more laundry
- youngest finally in shower
8:00 – middle son jumps in shower with his sister. Lots of screaming, shouting and laughing. Too much noise. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Just seems to be echoing throughout the rest of the house. By this time of night I usually start looking forward to quiet.
8:15 – should call Kris, just for that friendly voice, but I decide not to bother her.
- Husband finally rises from the sofa to tell kids it’s time to dry off and get to bed. Goes back to tv.
8:20 – everyone out of shower. Dry daughter’s hair.
- husband watching tv and eating chips
8:30 – can’t believe it but kids all gone to bed. Boys will probably still be awake at 10 but atleast I finally have some space and quiet.
Totally exhausted. Working on 5 hours sleep (6 hours on a good night). I need 8 to truly survive but I haven’t seen 8 hours in many years, don’t know what it feels like.
8:45 – youngest still up. Says she can’t sleep without a night-light – it burned out last night. Dad takes her to bed, she will lie with him till she falls asleep and I will then move her into her own bed when I finally ‘hit the hay”.
Going to bed soon, tomorrow comes early. Won’t fall asleep right away but just to lie down will feel awfully good.
Tomorrow is another day and I have the lunch with friends to look forward to.
So, today was one of those days where it doesn’t matter how hard you try, it just turns out really shitty. Too much noise, no co-operation, exhausted, trying to do too much while exhausted, trying to get rest of family to understand how much I need some help – end up being the monster with ‘two heads”.
Sleep will come!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Monday, January 02, 2006
What do I want out of this year?
I want to
- be happy 24/7
- become stress-free or atleast a lot less stressed
- find my way
- except who I am
- like myself
- believe in myself
- learn to let loose, fully (that's for you Kris)
- get some sleep
- appreciate what I have
- laugh more
- learn to take constructive criticism
- heed good intended advice
- listen more
- stop putting my foot in my mouth
- stop pestering my smoking friends to quit although it comes from my HEART
- pay attention to the consequences of my actions before they happen and stop before it is too late
- be less grumpy
- like my husband more (you know that difference between like and love)
- continue to keep in touch with my far away friend
- continue with the photography
- become a better photographer
- learn how to clean (uh, maybe not - never said I was a maid)
- loose weight and get into better physical condition
- learn to play the guitar (will never happen)
- Oh, yes, be more positive (again for you Kris)
- get my eye sight checked - my arms aren't long enough (picture it!)
- continue to make a difference where I can
- and like everyone else - WIN THE LOTTERY AND BECOME STINKING RICH
- be happy 24/7
- become stress-free or atleast a lot less stressed
- find my way
- except who I am
- like myself
- believe in myself
- learn to let loose, fully (that's for you Kris)
- get some sleep
- appreciate what I have
- laugh more
- learn to take constructive criticism
- heed good intended advice
- listen more
- stop putting my foot in my mouth
- stop pestering my smoking friends to quit although it comes from my HEART
- pay attention to the consequences of my actions before they happen and stop before it is too late
- be less grumpy
- like my husband more (you know that difference between like and love)
- continue to keep in touch with my far away friend
- continue with the photography
- become a better photographer
- learn how to clean (uh, maybe not - never said I was a maid)
- loose weight and get into better physical condition
- learn to play the guitar (will never happen)
- Oh, yes, be more positive (again for you Kris)
- get my eye sight checked - my arms aren't long enough (picture it!)
- continue to make a difference where I can
- and like everyone else - WIN THE LOTTERY AND BECOME STINKING RICH
My horoscope for the day...
"Get serious about your ideas, plans and your future. Make change happen by taking action. New partnership will give you a different perspective. Uncertainties about what you have done in the past should make you want to secure your position now."
Hmmm sounds like someone is trying to tell my something, guess I must be headed in the right direction afterall.
Hmmm sounds like someone is trying to tell my something, guess I must be headed in the right direction afterall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)