Happy New Year...

Wherever the road may take you, go with peace, happiness and health!

Another year has come and almost gone. This was a good year. I got a new job, one I really really enjoy, one that has the potential to be more. My family is healthy. My friends are healthy. My children are growing into wonderful little people. They challenge me, which is what they are supposed to do, right! We live in a part of the world where we can walk out our door everyday knowing we live in a safe place.

My oldest child goes next week for his temporary drivers licence. I can remember how great it felt when I got mine - the freedom, the independence. My brother (my twin brother) got a car before me - boys tend to do that - but he would always let me borrow it whenever I wanted. It was a boat...I felt like I was floating down the road. It was built like a tank. Along with the freedom and independence also comes the thinking that we are unbreakable...I know my boy thinks that way but I hope he takes slow easy steps and that danger never comes his way.

I don't know what 2008 has in store for any of us but I hope it takes us with gentleness and well being.

Good-bye 2007!
Hello 2008!

Merry Christmas

Sunday we had our annual 'Christmas tree hunt'.
The day begins with a potluck and then off to the tree plantation to get our trees.
Sarah was wondering how many years we had been doing this.
5 years, she was 4.
And over the years some of the faces have changed.
There are 4 families that have been there from year 1 and others that
joined later and continue to be there. Some we continue to miss and wait for their return.
This year Alex (16) tried to be the tough guy and said he wasn't going. This is now a family tradition, every year we look forward to spending this day with our friends - our family.
So there was no way he was stay home, and besides,
I know he enjoys this day as much as the rest of us.
There is always someone that starts the snowball fight. Kris!?
The kids roll and play in the snow and these year we have lots of it.
It was a beautiful day, too. Not too cold. We remembered other years that were so cold we didn't venture too far into the bush and we weren't too picky with our trees, get in and get out.
The first couple of years we went to a different place. It was beautiful. Rolling hills, bush trail, wide open spaces. The first year there we walked forever, down through the bush along the trail and out into the open fields and way across to the farthest hilltop.
It was wonderful to look back to where we had come from and see the lay of the land. It wasn't so wonderful when we had to walk back but with a few complaints and lots of laughs the day became the beginning of a great Christmas tradition.

Merry Christmas!

When you "stop to smell the roses"

How many times have I driven by here and have never seen them before...
why did I see them today?
I am glad I took the time to stop...I'm going back some day with my tripod.One holds the other up. They all keep each other together.

Winter is coming.
Today a cold wind blew.
Giant snow flakes blew in from the north.
The trees are almost bare.
Winter is coming!

Playing in the rain

It was raining yesterday, at times it was just a slow drizzle. My 9 year old daughter was given a new umbrella Friday. Yesterday she asked, "Mom, can I go for a walk in the rain?" Being an adult, who at times has lost sight of her inner child, my first reaction was to say no. But then I thought about it for a second and thought what fun, how great to be a child and to play in the rain. I remember doing that. Don't you? I remember running through the water puddles - bare foot. It was the best of times. I remember driving my bicycle through the puddles, feet off the peddles the water splashing right up to my seat. The bigger the puddle the faster we drove. Walking in the rain, clothes completely soaked.

A few years ago a bunch of us were out 4-wheeling. When we started the day there were a few puddles from a rain shower the night before. We made sure to drive around them. As the day progressed we got caught in a rain storm...it rained so hard we could hardly see, the rain was beating down on us, pelting our faces. I stopped to pour the water out of my digital camera...it's a wonder it ever worked again. Everyone else had a rain suit but I didn't take one because I knew it wasn't going to rain...yeah, right! They all laughed at me when the rain started - I laughed at them when we got back to the camp and they were no dryer than I was.
As we got wetter and wetter we also got colder and colder. We were an hour from our camp. At first we felt so miserable - wet and cold and so far to go. But as the day went on it became fun, why miss the puddles - we couldn't get any wetter - and what we realized was that the water in the puddles was WARM. OMG, you can't imagine how good it felt to feel some sort of warmth so we hit every puddle we could find on our way back. And because of that we were so muddy but no one cared. It was a good day. We went back to the camp, started a fire, dried our clothes or changed into dry ones and hopped back on the bikes when the rain stopped and headed out again. By the end of the day we were cold, dirty and tired but we had so much fun.
So, of course I let Sarah walk in the rain. How could I not.

Nightlife

Spent the afternoon and evening in Ottawa. Met some friends on their way back from a Home and School conference in Montreal. They stayed the night at Les Suites, Viv and I came home. Took the 7 of us an hour of walking around the Market to finally decide where we wanted to eat...our last choice - Lone Star - was one step away from returning to their room at Les Suites and ordering pizza. Everything we do always includes alot of decision making...oh, well, it adds to the mix and flavour of our friendship...that and some well-meaning joking around and making fun of each other...last night we were compared to the "steel magnolias", you know the Julia Roberts movie of the same name.
It's been awhile since we were all together, some of us were missing though. It's good to get together with good friends and just laugh for no reason.

Growing up too fast!

16 years old on Oct. 21...where did the little boy go!
Often time moves along faster than we may be prepared to deal with.

Where did the years go?
Have I prepared you for what is out there?
Will you make all the necessary right decisions?
Will you remain safe and out of harms way?

Please don't take any unnecessary risks.
Be happy.

Love you!

Pleasures in life...

...come in small and large packages, embracing them is half the fun!

I was asked to do a website for a friend who wants to use it to sell her sheep and to show her farm and animals...the above big guy being one of her "pets".

I was told I would find the horses out in the field one day and if I did to just stop and shoot...

Kris and I were on our way home from doing a photo shoot at a daycare and I used this guy and his buddies as a way of grabbing some quiet and downtime before heading home to my own kids.
12 toddlers from the age of 1 year to 5 years plus we did a few family shots...it was certainly a workout. At one point I was lying on the floor, trying to seize the moment and Kris was sitting on my back trying to get a little one to "look this way". It's a lot of work sometimes but usually a lot of fun. We get in "the zone" and we each just do our own thing and before we know it the photos are all taken and it's time to pack up and go home...totally exhausted. And to add to it all, I feel very fortunate to have found someone who is not only a wonderful friend but someone that I really enjoy working with.

I usually always travel with my camera, today was no exception, this is the view I found on my way home from work.

Week two of the new job and I am loving it. Nothing like 'trial by fire' though. I am training while doing. Last issue was a small issue, thank goodness, but his one has 29 pages. But already I am starting to feel more comfortable. Tomorrow I am going to be left on my own, all alone, by myself, no one to hold my hand - as my daughter said, "left alone to make mistakes?", (she's 9) yes...hope the mistakes are few but at least I can still fall back on the fact that I am in training, the editor has been there for 3 years and he's still blaming his screw ups on being a newbie.

School is in next Wednesday. Sarah is dying to know who her grade 4 Teacher will be but I am sworn to secrecy. I am happy to say she will be pleasantly surprised and most of her friends will be with her. She won't find out until the first day back. I almost told her this morning but I will enjoy seeing her face when her name is called to join the rest of her class. The Principal will give a little speech and call each teacher one by one and call off the names of the students of her class to join her. From there each class will head off down the hall towards their classroom. It is always an exciting time. Used to be that the students knew before the first day of school which Teacher they had. The kids used to call each other to ask who they got and if they were in each other's class. There certainly is a lot more anticipation this way.

Shawville Fair starts next Thursday. Kids plan on spending a lot of time there, a lot of money too. If you haven't been to the Shawville Fair you are missing out on one of the greatest little fairs in the Pontiac, "up the line". It's a real agricultural experience with horse and cattle shows, there always very strong showing by our young 4H members. Maria Hawkins will be here - she's a great performer from Ottawa. Always a great source of entertainment and a great way to say 'good-bye' to summer.

Can't believe Ben will be 12 on the 3oth of August. He has asked for 4-wheeling gear, pants and jersey...can't wait to see him all decked out. He's gotten over the fact that he has to start school on or near his birthday each year. This year he didn't even ask for a party. He has asked if his buddy Matt can spend the night - his school gives them a day off on the Friday, which turns out to be the day after his birthday - because a lot of the kids are either 4-H members or skip school to go to the fair so the school has gotten smart and closed for the day - attendance was always very low so why not. We have plans to go out for breakfast on the Friday morning with our friends visiting from Calgary and Kris and her twins.

Friends leave to go back to Calgary on the 3rd., really going to miss them. The girls stayed here for the first week. Mom and Dad came in later. When they left the house was sadly quiet, they fit right right in just like one of the family. Alex and Ben drove to Bristol and took the girls 4-wheeling one day, they all had a blast.

Too bad they weren't back here living, I could see the 4 of them spending a lot of time together - hanging out, 4-wheeling. Alex says he misses them. Emma, the girl on the red bike with Alex punched him in the nose when they were in grade 6 and made his nose bleed. He cried, it's always going to be something he gets teased about - Emma was so tiny and the last person in the world who would ever hit someone but Alex was bugging her so she let him have it. Too funny! Grace says she wants Ben to be her brother, not sure that's how he wants to be thought of, secretly he has always had a bit of a crush on her...they are the two on the blue bike.

Summer has gone by too fast, can't say we had a great summer weather-wise but the time spent has been great.

Back to school

Spent the day in Ottawa gathering up the last bits and pieces of back to school clothing, left the kids at home so I would only get what they need, mission accomplished! I think I am finally ready for them to head back, style-wise that is...I've hit all the fashionable shops and got all the proper clothing to assure that everyone looks their best - and spent way too much money, as usual, even though every year I tell myself this will be the year that I cut back.

Ben has his orientation to High School tomorrow, can't believe he is there - he's just so small and young, he only turns 12 next Thursday. He'll have is big brother there so he won't be alone. His big brother is supposed to be there to protect him, isn't he, guess I should remind Alex of that so he doesn't think Ben is just a "groundhog" - a lowly grade 7.

Even managed to squeeze in a great lunch date - thanks Kris, think we both needed that - for sure I did.

What does being a friend mean?

Does being a friend mean we have to always give? Maybe being a friend means we can sometimes take. Because when we are giving that means that someone is taking and when we are taking we are allowing someone to give.
I've been going around this thought for awhile. I have a very good friend who calls when she needs help, it's not important what kind of help, what is important is that she knows she can call me and I will be there for her, no matter what. But I don't give her the chance to help me as much. It's not that I don't know she will always be there for me, too, because she is the very best at being a friend, it's that I don't want to take advantage of her kindness. She is a busy person who doesn't need to take on any more burdens or tasks. But am I hurting our friendship by not taking what she is offering in the name of friendship? In the past she has inquired about how I am doing and so as not to burden her I just say things are great...especially when they are not and she has made remarks that have left me feeling like I am not upholding my end of our friendship - I am not giving her the chance to help me, to make me feel better, to ease my burden. Friendship can be complicated.
Lately, I've been feeling distant from her. I know that it's all my doing. It's self-preservation, I tend to distance myself from people when I am not feeling quite myself. It seems like the easy thing to do, keep some distance so that I don't expose too much of myself, so I don't become too vulnerable and really, there is only so much that even a really good friend needs to deal with. She knows when I'm not quite myself and I know she has noticed that I have not been very forthcoming lately. I know she has wanted to help, to offer help but I haven't left that door open to her and for that I am sorry. I value our friendship but lately I haven't been holding up my end.
So maybe being a friend means that you have to let people in, you have to take and allow your friend to give.

Mental health day

Exhaustion can take it's toll. It can wear a person down, mentally and physically. It can make dealing with life all that more difficult. Sometimes we need to take a day just for ourselves. I say there should be a "mental health day". It can be difficult to take time away, what we need will always be the most difficult to achieve. There are family commitments, work commitments and everything else in between and there will be sacrifices along the way but it's important to step back sometimes and take a rest and get a different prospective on things. It's not necessarily that we have to go somewhere, getting away can be a state of mind. We think that we are letting our family down if we are not always there for them, but being there for them, in what capacity. Are we doing them any favors if we are so exhausted and worn out that we are incapable of being ourselves. I have a friend that I am sure she probably feels that I am crazy when I say I have to walk away every once in a while but I have to, for me and my family. Because there are just those days when it's difficult to keep it all going and it's healthier to walk away than to stay. It's healthier for me and it's healthier for my family. I can go away, even if it's just for a few hours, and come back in a different frame of mind. There are times in our lives when life gets the best of us - kids, husband, work, commitments...whatever, but all it takes sometimes is to just step away and take some time to regenerate, to come back refreshed and with a new approach to life and it's ups and downs.

Catch up time

It was a girlfriends night. 7 of us met for dinner at Mexicali Rosa's in Aylmer then onto Hull to watch the movie "Stardust". Great movie, go see it.

Tomorrow is day 4 of the new job. I am really enjoying it, I think I have finally found my place. It will take awhile for me to feel comfortable with my ability but it will come with time. All those late night hours playing around learning different computer programs has finally paid off. Today I was Photoshopping, Quarking all on a MAC, never used a MAC before - always been a PC gal.

I know what happened to Harry Potter.

17 more days until back to school. Still have to do some clothes shopping for the kids. Not really looking forward to school starting, kind of like the lazy days of summer and having the kids around. They have been doing exactly what kids should do all summer - sleep and hang-out.

1st. day on the job

Today was my first day of my new job, it was really a day of training. This was probably the only day of training that I will get that doesn't count as real work because the rest will be 'trial by fire', from now on it will be doing the actual work involved with layout of the newspaper.

This is going to take some re-training of my way of working because I don't usually have such a tight dead-line with any work I have previously done. It's different when you know you have a few weeks to work on, say a brochure, instead of just a few days. I've always liked the ability to take my time and re-jig things until I like the layout. I am being told that I should be able to do an article within a half hour...a real complicated one might take an hour - #$@%

I already like who I am going to be working with. Nancy seems like my kind of person. I've already been told that if I screw up too much she will swear at me - sounds like any one of my friends. Dana, the joker of the bunch, seems like she will be fun and easy to get along with. The Editor is a bit of a crack-pot but I already knew that going in having known him or of him for a few years. The hours seem like they will be pretty flexible, I even got my own office key so that I can go in at anytime to get my work done, don't think I will be doing that for awhile though - best to get a few editions under my belt.

My brother dreamed my death

My twin brother called tonight. We were talking about plans he has and about me starting my new job on Thursday. In the middle of our conversation he said "oh, guess what, I dreamed about your death the other night." "How did I die?" "Was I old?" His reply to this one was "how old are you now" he always was a shithead. He thinks he remembers it being from some disease. According to him this means big things are in the future for me. I'm wondering what can be bigger than death?!
He did say it was a good funeral.
Jack Ass!

This could be me. This is me.

This pretty much explains me lately - it was strange reading it because it comes so close to sounding like me - instead of going to bed though I grab my mp3 and go for a walk and try to clear out my head. Having someone to talk to as I walk would be nice but it's hard to tell people how you feel, it's hard for them to understand, I don't really understand it myself. It's so much easier to say "things are good", I've seen eyes glaze over (oh shit, here she goes again) when I try to talk about it. So, I try not to talk about it anymore and at times I distance myself. Distancing seems like an easy solution; not sure I am protecting myself or everyone else.

Day of relaxation

It was a good day for relaxing, spent most of it on the back deck with my book and some tunes. Got some sun, had a visit with a friend. Friend and I took kids for ice-cream then back to her
place for a swim and a few laughs, which haven't been too plentiful lately. Couldn't ask for a better day.



This is NOT the deck I was relaxing on but having relaxed in the past here I can say this is an ideal relaxing place, will always be one of my favorite places to hang out - with the right companion/s. Doesn't it look inviting?

Can't wait for your next trip home Lora; we'll have a few drinks while enjoying the view - I'll even help with the flowerbeds.

Teenager Home

Boy home unscathed, bike not so lucky - broken sprocket in the rear. With a broken bike that means the boy will be staying closer to home.

So all is good and safe for another day.

Teenage boys

Teenage boys think they are invincible. I don't know what Alex does on his 4-wheeler when he and his buddies head out to have fun. I don't think I want to know. So far, he has come home at the end of the day in one piece...well, once or twice there have been a few pieces missing but he always manages to come home. The bike, on the other hand, has not been so lucky. Usually it needs some kind of overhaul. The last time it was something with the rear end. The time before that it was the front end. The time before that it was a total rebuild of the motor...and so on and so on. But Dad, who has first hand knowledge of how well he can handle his machine, seems to think all is well. After all, Alex has been driving a 4-wheeler since he was 1 year old. He started with a battery powered one for his 2nd. Christmas and as he has grown so has the machine. And I do know he is a good rider my problem comes from knowing that when boys get together they can talk each other into almost anything, each one trying to out do the next. And my boy is easily influenced, not always known for using the best judgment.

All this to say he is off on yet another adventure with his buddies. He leaves without too many details on how he thinks his day will play out leaving me to wonder when he will be home and hoping it will continue to be safely. Dad is gone to the camp for a few days so that leaves me to worry and fret alone.

Days like this makes me long for the days when he was just a toddler playing in the yard, always within arms reach - safe.