Is it real?!

The phone rings, "Hi, this is Gail. I don't want to get anyone in trouble but does Ben, not your Ben but Ben S. have a gun outside?" Yes, we live in gun country, purely recreational and not appreciated by yours truly but boys will be boys and then they grow into men who think hunting is a sport.

Thanksfully I knew that
1. the real guns are securely, secretly locked away
2. while just 2 seconds before having checked the comings and goings of Ben and his friends I had seen one of the kids with a toy gun - complete with a scope that does make it look all that more real and frightening.
3. a yardful of boys will find some kind of mischief to get into - although completely harmless - this time.

My neighbour had seen Ben S. in the backyard pointing what looked like a real gun in her direction. She called to find out, hopefully, that it wasn't real and then to explain that she was not a crazy woman for shouting at some rather innocent kids.

Knowing full well what kids can get up to I said she hadn't over-reacted and thanked her for being responsible to call and alert me - in case I was not already aware - and we all know that we really don't have eyes in the back of our heads (but don't ever tell your kids that). Afterall, it wasn't that many years ago that #1 son and his friends shot another neighbour, in the thigh, with a pellet gun. Needless to say, Dad and #1 son got an earful for quite a few days. That was one time when I was compeletly oblivious to what the kids were up to...that is until the neighbour ran into our house and pulled down his pants to show me the red spot on his leg...but that's a story for another time.

Boys and their toys...yes, Kris, Matt was playing with one as well. OH, maybe you didn't want to know that, sorry.

Bleeding Heart

1st time job

Son #1 recently started his very first paying job, cutting Nannie's grass really doesn't count - especially when he only manages to cut it two or three times a season.

Last Thursday was his first day on the job. I have been after him for a couple of weeks to go see Ruth at Café 349. He has worked a couple of times for her within the past year taking out the recycling and it's not like he doesn't know everyone there, they are all my friends and the kids and I practically live there...it's so great to have a non-smoking place wtih great eats.

Saturday evening he worked 4 - 10, there was an anniversary party booked. He was so excited he was gone by 3:30 - we live 5 min. away (walking distance). Shortly after 10 p.m. he called for a ride home, "Mom, we're almost done. Come and get me." As I was stopped at a red light (at our only set of traffic lights - two steps from the Café) he came out of the Café, complete with the biggest grin I have ever seen. He walked down the street like he owned the whole town. I don't know who was more proud of him, me or himself. Turns out the dinner was for our neighbors and half the people he knew. The biggest hit of the night was his $20. tip.

The first job - so exciting. I was pretty sure he would be able to get a job with Ruth. I am so glad he is working there, Ruth is good people. Plus since everyone is a friend I know for sure he is in good hands and everyone will keep an eye on him. He's a good kid. A complete pain in the ass but what 14 year old isn't.

Recently I was away from home at the QFHSA AGM in Montreal. Part way there we made a pit stop at the Hudson Tim Horton's for coffee and snacks to tide us over till our scheduled dinner at the Dorval Hilton. I took the time to call home to see how everyone was doing. Alex, #1 son, answered the phone. I almost asked who I was talking to. I couldn't believe how mature he sounded. When I got off the phone I commented to my travel partners that my little boy was became a man and that he was doing it without me noticing, right under my eyes. He has a man voice. Yesterday I noticed he has very noticable hair on his legs. WOW! Guess I had better start keeping track of the changes.

I take the pictures...

...but sometimes not always exactly as I envisioned. I have a friend, for all intents and purposes, we'll call her....oh, I don't know - Kris. Kris has an eye, she has a way of seeing things that I would never have thought of...although the more I see through her eyes I am beginning to see differently through the lens.

I love taking photos, now more than ever before, since puchasing my Nikon D70s last July. I have taken well over 13,000 photos with my Nikon - sadly, my trusty compact flash card finally succummed to exhaustion. Most of those 13,000 photos will never go farther than my hard drive but each one is apart of a great experience. Each one is responsible for taking me a step closer to learning this art. I am completely self-taught, although I would love to have the time and money to be able to learn from a professional. There is only so much you can teach yourself when you start out knowing absolutely nothing about the subject and there is never an end to learning.

Didn't buy my first camers until I was 30 years old, a Minolta 35m when my first child was born but it's only been the last couple of years that I started taking pictures of more than my children and family. Apart from my children, I really don't enjoy taking photos of people. I much prefer scenery - flowers in particular. Not being too self-assured I find taking photos of people too stressful - flowers and scenery will never tell me I am doing it all wrong.

Recently I sold a photo, what a weird feeling - actually selling something. Does this mean I am an artist? Recently I was called an artist by an artist that I know and respect, I looked at that person and thought WOW, coming from you that means something. Knowing this person as I do, I realize that she sees I am doing something i have a passion for. It's going to take me some time to realize that I could be an artist. For now I will continue to take the pictures and continue to see how different things are through the lens.

Although, seeing is starting to become a problem. I have always been blessed with 20/20 vision. Seems the aging process does not give a damn about my passion. I have noticed within the past few months that my arms don't seem to be long enough, much to the amusement of my friends. I finally broke down and went for an eye exam about a month and a half ago. I was told I still had 'youthful eyes' and it was recommened that I not get glasses at that time but that very shortly I would be back. Well, I believe the time has come, quicker than I wanted it to. For normal, day to day stuff I could go a long time without glasses, really just need them for reading - most days, and I say most days because I have come to realize that I am having a problem with focusing - as in with my camera lens...hmmmmm, hard to take a decent photo when what you see as clear really isn't so clear.

Mayflower
- Johnson's Lake near Ladysmith, Quebec
Sunday, May 21, 2006

Spent the day at the family cottage. It was so friggin cold, felt more like fall than spring.
With the weather we've been having it's hard to tell that summer is almost here - rain, cold, more rain and more cold. Sarah wanted to take her bathing suit today, I envisioned icicles hanging from her body. Last year at this time the kids had been swimming in Kris' new pool for a couple of weeks...yes, the water was cold but the outside temp was warm. Tryin to work on a tan, not having too much luck - maybe I should be working on a tan in a can.

Like so many others, I did not know her, but her death has touched me.
I just happened upon her blog yesterday, too late it seems.

Her name was Jessica, she was 33

"Every person, all the events of your life, are there because you have drawn them there.
What you choose to do with them is up to you."
- from Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Sometimes I think I have not chosen wisely. Sometimes I think I could have done better.

Hibiscus

Dinner and a Friend

38 years and counting, more years than most of you have probably been alive but that is how long Gail and I have been friends - since grade 1. Can you imagine! I talk to my kids about the value of friendship - this one is priceless.
There is always a long time between get togethers, sometimes years but the years do not create a distance. I know her family, she knows mine. She went away, the first time, before grade 10. Spent many years in the West. Many years of good and bad. She spent some time back here then went away again. Came home pregnant with her only child, a son, now ready to turn 18. During these 18 years she has been as close as she has ever been but life and family has made get together time difficult.
After talking about it for the better part of 3 years we finally made a date for dinner and stuck with it. Tonight, dinner at Kelsey's in Kanata, minutes became hours and before we knew it we were all caught up on each others life. Kids being the main topic of conversation - the good, the bad, the ugly. She, single mother, living the life I wish I had, me with husband and 3 kids having the life that makes her wonder in years to come if she will feel that she has missed something. She wondered about loneliness when her son leaves home but she is content, she is happy, she is where she wants to be. I marvel at her bravery of being alone raising a son who, by the way, is growing into a wonderful young man - being alone is what I wish for on those days when family life and problems are weighing me down but in all honesty I don't know if I am/will ever be/ or ever has been as brave as she is.
We laughed, we talked and talked and talked...time stood still - we parted making plans to meet again real soon...

It's a good day!

Teachers have a most wonderful job. Imagine being able to mold and shape the young minds of our world. Imagine being given the trust. Imagine the joy in knowing that you are helping little people become better big people. Ok, so it doesn't always work that way, and being someone who works and volunteers daily in our local school system you get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. Lately we, the parents, have become a little jaded by our teachers and the school system - everyone say "work t0 rule!" Yep, that is what we have been dealing with this past school year. There is no joy in our school and what I am hearing from other parents, there is very little joy in most schools these days because of the 'work to rule' issue. I realize we all have the right to fight for our jobs and better conditions but at what cost! Almost all extra activities have been banned, such as the Christmas concert, theme days (we manage to salvage one day - but ONLY one day), winter carnival and so much more fun things that the students have had to give up because our teachers are 'working to rule". I guess you are wondering where I am going with this rant...

...well today I had the opportunity to help a young mind to see her way around the 9 x tables. When we began she was not interested because she was finding her times tables difficult. She was talking and making any excuse to not do the work. With much perseverance I managed to get her settled down enough to show her some tricks around the 9x tables, I showed her 3 different tricks and it was just like a light bulb went off. She got it. I was so proud of her, she was so proud of herself. She almost completely stopped talking except to comment on how she figured each one out without "cheating". She couldn't wait to get back to her classroom to show her teacher.

9 x 1 = 9
9 x 2 = 18
9 x 3 = 27
9 x 4 = 36
9 x 5 = 45
9 x 6 = 54
9 x 7 = 63
9 x 8 = 72
9 x 9 = 81

1. The two numbers added together make 9
2. The first number of the answer goes up numerically and the second number of each answer goes down numerically.
3. But the trick that really got her excited was when she realized that the answer always begins with one number less than the dividing number and that both numbers added together make 9.

We'll work on getting past 10 later, it changes a little but I know she'll catch on just as quick.

I had never seen her so excited and in such a hurry to get her work done. It was no longer a mystery, she had mastered it, she got it. And the look on her face, the pride she was showing was all I needed to make my day. That is what I wish our teachers would all remember when they are taking away the little details to our children's school day...so little can make such a difference to how they feel about themselves and their ability to learn.

Let's all remember there are many ways to teach and many things to teach...why not throw in a little fun.

Tomorrow is our one theme day - P.J. day - and the kids are so excited and as a member of our Home and School committee I am so glad that I could be a part of making that day happen. They deserve it.

It's a good day!

Was feeling kinda shitty...

...but it's wonderful what a walk with friends will do for your mood - shin splints and all.

Burnstown, Ontario

Noise pollution!

I was trying to get some of my volunteer work done but I can't even hear myself think. Back to that 'place of my own'. It is impossible to get work done when the computer is in the same room that everyone lives in, watches t.v. in, plays video games in....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Tonight it is the Junos they are watching and the husband, insists on cranking the volume when certain bands are performing. Cheaper yet, a lap top would be nice, I could work anywhere. I could even leave the house, if need be. My head is full of noise and it is impossible to concentrate so I have obviously given up any attempt at getting work done, at least till they are all gone to bed.

Picture it, t.v at almost full volume (surround sound, no less), children arguing, dog barking, everyone shouting because they can't hear each other over the noise of the t.v and themselves...
tomorrow, I will try again tomorrow when my husband is at a meeting and the kids are all in school. But I am on a tight deadline with a meeting tomorrow night...it will all get done - it has to - amid all the kaos. Shit!

I dream - I am sitting on the beach at the cottage, alone, the only noise is the sound of nature...water lapping on the shore, the soulful loon...just me and my laptop and of course my mp3. The theme from the movie "Unfaithful" is playing softly in my head. Could it get any better!

I had a conversation with my friend Kris the other day about having 'done my time in the trenches', it is so time for me now or at least time for me to be able to leave home periodically without everything falling apart. Although my kids aren't fully grown - 14, 10 & 8, they are capable of being on their own with Dad for a certain amount of time, because we all know what happens when Dad is minding the kids - he is doing his thing and hopefully the kids remember to check in because Dad sometimes forgets who is in charge. Right! We've all been there.

We've been wanting to organize a 'girlfriends weekend' but as much as we all need it our families and commitments all seem to come before our own sanity. We manage to get together every so often for a quick lunch but we usually have to rush through our food because there is somewhere else we have to be or work to be done. Just one day without having to look after anyone other than ourselves...my friends are all busy working mothers, no one gets proper time for herself but in this crazy world with more and more demands being put upon us we are all feeling the pressure, we so want and need time to relax but it never seems to come - atleast not for an adequate amount of time. And for that small amount of time we do get for ourselves who isn't feeling guilty that she should be doing something besides enjoying time for herself!?

We're all feeling the exhaustion. We're all trying to add more time to our days. We're all pushing ourselves to complete what needs to be done NOW! If only we would/could slow down before we are forced to. Burnout, comes to mind as the least of our worries. Everywhere we turn, everything we read, everyone we meet there are stories of sickness and even death.

That weekend away sounds really good. Keep you posted on whether it happens or not.

And the noise pollution - everyone is gone to bed. There is absolute silence except for my music.

The work - it will keep until tomorrow, I am going to sit and enjoy the silence before turning in for the night.

Finally - spring is here

And it's about time, too. We took our first official drive of spring yesterday. We didn't do the Wes' chip stand in Arnprior, which is a spring tradition (we'll get to it), but we did go to Arnprior along the River Road. It's such a great drive, along the Ottawa River. Spotted Lora's house from the Ontario side, hard to see after all the leaves open up (it's still there).

Took along the Nikon, got a couple of nice shots of Ben and Sarah on the swinging bridge in Renfrew.

The snow is melting, our backyard is an absolute mess, really must plant new grass this spring. Jack has pretty much destroyed what was there. And the kids with their bikes and 4-wheelers have contributed to the lack of green space as well. It's just a brown soupy mess.
You know it's officially spring when the bikes come out of storage. Sarah had hers out last Wed. already, she couldn't wait any longer.

Ahhhh, smell the fresh air, ok so right now it just smells like rotting dog poop and all the other crap that is uncovered with the melting snow but SRPING IS HERE!, with all it's good and not so good.
Better than winter.

Do you remember?

This is an idea I came across at Genuine

Do you remember...

...skipping rope?
...what it felt like to be a child?
...running through rain puddles?
...your first kiss?
...the first time you held your baby?
...the first time you stood in the rain and let it hit your face?
...your first time?
...the first time you lost someone you loved?
...the first time you laughed till you cried?

We are always so focused on today and tomorrow that we forget about yesterday. Yesterday was before we grew up and became adults, before we had responsibilities, before we became aware of our longevity or that sometimes it's not as long as we would hope for. Yesterday was when we felt the movement of our unborn child and marveled at how truly amazing it was to be apart of such a wonderful experience. Yesterday was when we learned everything that brought us to where we are today!

The big 'C'

The big 'C' has struck again. On Friday a friend said good-bye to her mother after a very long battle with breast cancer. And this morning, while having breakfast with friends, I hear that another one of us has a mother fighting the big 'C', this time it is pancreatic cancer. It's really not a very fair fight, like with most battles there is really only one winner and it's never the won who fights the hardest.

Have a really great day!

... so few words but just knowing that someone cares enough to send them can brighten any day.

This morning began like any other. I was waiting for my alarm to go off although it didn't need to be set because I was awake watching the minutes tick by, in fact, I had been awake most of the night watching time pass. (Just a normal night as far as sleep goes.) Sarah crawled into my bed to say good morning, which is usually a great way to start the day. So after taking my shower, shouting at the boys countless times to get up and get ready for school I found a few minutes to myself so I took the time to check my emails. There among all the usual expected emails was a pleasantly unexpected one that simply said "Have a really great day!" I couldn't help but smile because it was exactly what I needed to complete my morning. Afterall, how many times have I been told that if you start your day by telling yourself it is going to be a good one then it will be. So far, it's been a good day and I smile everytime I think of those few well meaning words.

Have a really great day!

A place of my own

If I ever got the chance to build another house I would fight tooth and nail for a room of my own. A room away from the noise. A room completely isolated from the kids, the dog, even the husband.

There are somedays where I can't stand being around my kids, I can't stand listening to the screaming, the arguing, the shouting, the stupid noises, the constant noise, noise, noise...

Today is definitely one of those days. I would love some place to run away to. Thank goodness I have a meeting because I can no longer stand the noise.

Today it started the minute they got home and 3 hours later it is still going on. Why can't they just talk like normal people. Why do they always have to react with loudness. I am about ready to crawl out of my skin. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! QUIET!

But they don't understand quiet. I don't know what kind of magic word I need to use to get through to them. "Please be quiet" just doesn't work in this house. I hate the word "shut up" but I have even restorted to using it, but it's not working tonight either.

I can see my perfect place - it's got just the right light - not too dark, not too bright. It's got a great sound system and a huge TV. Bookshelves brimming with novels. My own laptop. A stocked bar. Comfy sofas and big overstuffed chairs. Plenty of room for all my friends. A bedroom and a bathroom. Hey, while I'm dreaming it might as well have a fully stocked fridge so I never have to leave the room again. A place of my own...oh yes, I forgot the trap door so the kids and husband will never get near me.