The strength of my friends

Today, while driving down the highway with music blaring (something I like to do when I am alone or maybe it’s a way for me to be alone) I started thinking about my friends and I realized that very strong women surround me. In my minds eye I looked at each one and I could see where their strengths lie, they are an amazing group of women. Within the inner circle of friendship we range in age from 31 to 46 but as we go outside the circle the age range expands from 3 to 73. We are daughters, sisters, mothers, wives, friends. We learn from our mothers how to be strong and as we go through the life cycle we pass that along right down to our own daughters and if we are all lucky we will continue on to our daughter’s daughters.

Everyday we are faced with new issues, new problems and somehow we adapt, we grow, we become stronger for having dealt with what life throws our way. The strength of my friends is a constant amazement to me, not that I don’t believe they possess such strength but that they continue no matter how painful, sad, or difficult their problems maybe. Within my circle of friends there is impending death, marriage break up – single parenting, past indiscretions, health issues, job loss, new life in a new city and the list goes on and on and through it all we learn how to deal…. And besides all our own problems we take on the weight of the world, we fight for the little child who cannot fight for him or herself, we lookout for the underdog.
We empower each other – my friends are my greatest support. They let me know I am never alone; they will always be there when times are tough and for when I need a shoulder. We bare the weight of our convictions and every so often when we find ourselves questioning our ability to do right over wrong or our ability to see right from wrong we are never left alone – someone is always there with an outstretched hand.

Like the Helen Reddy song, “ I Am Woman” --- ‘if I have to I can do anything, I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman. You can bend but never break me cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal, and I come back even stronger…’

We continue through pain and sorrow, we pick ourselves up and move on, we learn, we live, we teach, we support, we love and we become stronger!

It's snowing!!!

Sunday Nov. 13, 2005 - heading to Bristol (Canada

Question of the day...

...How do you get a 14 year old to do his homework?

I am what I am

- wife
- mother of 3
- daughter
- sister
- friend
- volunteer
- worker
- 44
- exhausted

What I like:
- summer, spring
- chocolate
- sad movies
- thought provoking songs
- sad songs
- bedtime with my kids
- spending time with my friends
- time away (me time)
- shopping
- driving
- photography
- defending the underdog
- working with kids (most days)
- being a mother (loved being pregnant)
- getting crazy with Kris and whoever else we are fortunate to be spending our crazy time with
- forget-me-nots
- bicycling
- relaxing
- being alone
- being a woman
- helping people
- that I quit smoking 18 years ago

What I dislike:
- my friends smoking because of the health issues
- winter (being cold)
- bullies
- small talk
- making conversation with strangers
- lies
- people getting the wrong idea and not taking the time to ask the right questions (never assume)
- being unable to control certain situations
- loosing my temper
- my lack of tolerance
- being lonely
- growing old
- being taken advantage of

What makes me uncomfortable:
- confrontation
- room full of people I don't know
- being the center of attention
- public speaking
- compliments

Happy Birthday

Happy 35th.

Today my friend Kris turns 35. Even though I have 10 years on her, she believes she is the smarter and wiser one. HA! There is a lot to be said for 'life experience' though.
She certainly has a better take on life - 'smile, be happy, start your day believing it is going to be a good one'. blah, blah, blah. LOL! There is a certain amount of teasing about her 'rose-coloured glasses' but in all honesty her opinion of life and how to live it is a much healthier one than mine.
I've invited her out to lunch at the local Café. What she doesn't know is that a few others are going to be joining us. SURPRISE! Not only that, we're going to do a little decorating with some balloons while we have her out of the house, all with the ok of her hubby, of course. We promised not to toilet paper the trees although that would have been so much fun.

Friendship

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like crawling out of your skin, like the last place you want to be is where you are and just for a little while you would love to walk away from all your troubles? When really what you need is a kind word, a shoulder to lean on, the understanding of a close friend and hey, a hug would feel really good. It is so good to know you have a safe zone, someone who accepts you for who you are and loves you unconditionally.

Recently I had one of those days. And I had that shoulder to lean on. It was a particularly bad day, which just seemed to get worse as the day went on. My ‘runaway’ place was to a parent meeting. Now I know what you are thinking, she’s running away to a meeting – how sad - but this meeting was filled with my friends. And who should I meet as I walked down the hall but my ‘safe zone’. To see this face you could not remain in a bad mood because there is always a smile upon it. (Although, I have seen it lately when the smile is not so brave, not so self-assured but I was given the chance to realize how truly blessed I am to have this relationship because she has trusted me to share my shoulder. But that is not my story to tell). She was not going to allow me to continue feeling the way I did, immediately I was greeted with an out stretched arm and a warm loving hug. The moment we entered that meeting everyone knew what they were in for. They threatened to not let us sit beside each other because when we are on our game the laugh meter just can’t keep up. Needless to say, no one was having a bad day by the end of the meeting and as much as they swore we would never be allowed to sit beside each other at another meeting we knew they didn’t really mean it.

After the meeting I still needed to unload and she was there with her usual understanding and acceptance. With the listening came great advice and the reassurance that I need never to feel alone. And at the end of it all she reminded me how laughter can make a difference, it doesn’t solve the problems and pain but it goes along way to making it easier to cope.

Friendship is something of true value, something that is not to be taken lightly. It is give and take, and when you get to the point where you let yourself appreciate the value of friendship you know that you can take without guilt because you know that you will get your chance to give.

My friends keep me grounded and happy. They allow me to be myself, no matter what (don’t worry, they let me know when I have gone too far) and they give me the ways and means to cope with what life has to throw my way. But one of the best things about friendship is trust. It’s a two-way street of giving and taking and my friends give me the opportunity to be their ‘safe zone’.

Always remember to laugh.
Kris, thanks for teaching me the value of laughter.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes.
It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises.
Erma Bombeck

Responsibility - who needs it!

I am sick to death of responsibility and always feeling like I have to do the right thing.

I want just one day where someone looks after my needs. Wait, no I don’t, what I really want is just one day without having to be responsible to anyone or for anything. Just to do as I please. If I want to lie down in the afternoon I can and I don’t want to feel guilty for doing so. I don’t want to worry that someone is going to find me lying down and doing nothing. Because as you know, woman have this guilt complex that we must always be doing something or at least appear to be doing something. I want to be able to say “NO!” if someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do. I want to not have to appear happy when I am miserable. I want to be able to be pissed off and not have to apologize.

I want to eat when I am hungry and only feed myself not 3 children, a husband – who is nothing but a spoiled big kid, and a dog.

These are my new rules: If the clothes get too dirty to wear, throw them out and get new ones. Who cares if the house gets messy, I never promised to be a maid. Who cares if some committee work doesn’t get done right or even not at all! If I want to sleep in I will! If someone pisses me off I will tell him or her! If there is work to be done, someone else can do it!

Ok, that felt good, got it all off my chest. Yesterday is over, thank goodness. It was a real shitty day and I really only have myself to blame for it. I believe that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself and I also believe that if I can’t do it why should I think someone else can or should. So, I do it all myself and at the end of the day I walk away feeling totally used up and feeling like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

A friend recently told me that I have to just accept things that are handed to me, that there are people who are willing and want to help. For instance, last week she had to be away from home for the afternoon and the better part of the evening so she asked me if I would mind taking her 2 children home from school and keeping them through supper. Of course, I did not hesitate because if there is one person I can rely on to cover my back it is she. She felt she was overburdening me and was adamant that she was going to buy pizza for the whole bunch. Well, I was just as adamant that I was going to prepare a meal for everyone, I was going to make pizza – besides I was doing her the favour, right! So, for two days we went back and forth - “no, I will!” “No, I will!” “No, I insist it’s no big deal!” It was then that we both realized that neither one of us could accept the fact that someone was trying to help us. It was really more of a realization to me than to her. Here we were both trying to make things easier for the other and neither one wanted to accept the help without being able to give back. So, I let her buy the pizza. She felt better and I took a step towards realizing that I don’t always have to do it all, I can bend, I don’t always have to be responsible. I can do something for a friend and accept that she may feel the same way I do. Now I just have to take that one step at a time and slowly but surely I will be taking giant steps towards sharing the responsibility.

Fall is here to stay...

Fall is here whether we like it or not, NOT! Although we have been basking in some really great weather, still in shorts and t-shirts yesterday, today was a little cooler. But I won't be putting away my birkenstocks until I absolutely have to.

Here in this part of the country, Quebec, we get some really great fall colours. I was out today scouting around, a little early yet, but it won't be long before we are in full fall spendour. I am going to be taking full advantage of my new Nikon D70s.Winter gives us some great pics as well. Ok, so I don't like the cold and wet but I sure love the photo ops that come with it.

Blue skies at night...

This is not the original pic, but this is what came out of me playing around with Photoshop. I really love the colour and the feel of this photo. Here is the original (untouched), still pretty cool but I like the blue

Morning Glory and the Bee

I was trying out a lens that a friend loaned me when along came this bee looking for pollen, of which he has found plenty because he is covered in it. I bought a new digital slr, the Nikon D70s, this summer and I am having a ball with it. I have taken over 4100 pics just since mid July, I love my D70s. I went from the Canon G1, liked it but could never get used to not having more control over the focus and once you've held an SLR nothing else feel right.

Just walk away...

Oh my goodness, how many times have we heard, or said, the words "just walk away"!
I work at an elementary school as a noon supervisor. When children come to me with problems usually the best advice I can give them is to 'walk away' but when it comes to taking my own advice I am not so good at it. Recently I have found out just how hard it is to walk away.
I want so badly to just go up to a certain person and tell them that they have no right to treat other people as they do, no matter what problems they themselves have. Walking away makes you the bigger person, sure, but what is so wrong with just telling someone they are an 'ass', that they are totally wrong!
It's hard to always be the 'nice person' and to 'grin and bear it'. I want to be the nasty one for a change. NO, I really don't but for just one split second I'd just like to be able to show this person how they make others feel. Not that I want to be like her but I want to try to make her see how wrong she is. I want to tell her that she has the situation totally twisted and that I know it and everyone else knows it and that we are not turning a blind eye to what she is doing.
"Holy crap Batman!" it's tough being non-confrontational. And is it always right not to be? Sometimes is it ok to say "I'm not going to take it anymore!"

What are puppies good for...

1. Cleaning the house
- the kids are being very careful not to throw their things on the floor because Jack, our 17 week old puppy, chews almost everything in sight. For the first time in a very long time the livingroom floor is toy free.
2. Making us appreciate the early morning calm
- every morning, like clockwork, Jack has to go for a pee so, needless to say, there is always one of us up bright and early. Things are so quiet before the rest of our little town gets moving and, when it has been my turn, I have enjoyed the early morning calm.
3. Exercise
- everyone knows puppies need to be walked
4. Scrubbing the floor
- who would have thought there would be a flood in the kitchen everytime they drink
5. Making us forgive little mistakes
- puppies are cute and thank goodness they are because they certainly are a handful and with such a giant learning curve there are lots of little incidents that go unpunished because all you have to do in look in their eyes and you know they didn't mean it
6. Laying a new floor
- seems Jack has a thing for carpets and underlay. Oh well, we are in need of a new floor anyway, maybe we'll get it sooner than we had planned or atleast sooner than my husband had planned

Meet Jack

Meet Jack, the newest member of our family, who is a 16 week old mixed lab, collie and spaniel. He is a lot more lab than anything else, black and white with a hint of chocolate brown.

My oldest son has always wanted a dog, you know the old saying about a boy and his dog. Well, after much pleading, with help from his siblings, we finally gave in. So along came Jack, with all his cute puppiness, and a giant learning curve.

Never having had a dog before, well maybe never having had to train a dog before (Mom always got that job in our house) the first few hours were kind of like when you bring your first newborn baby home from the hospital - NOW WHAT!

I guess in all honesty the 'giant learning curve' applies to all of us in the family, not just Jack. Thank goodness for friends with lots of helpful advice. Actually, everyone from the local merchant where we bought Jack's new collar and leash, to the neighbors and my children's friends all have advice when it comes to cute little puppies. And at this point, when I don't know too much about such things, any advice is welcome.

So far, and it has only been 4 days, things are going relatively smooth. The first night he slept through the night, waking us at 7:30 with a little bark that told us it was time to visit the great out doors. Last night, night #3, he decided he was familiar enough with his new surroundings that he would sneak past his night-time barricade and sleep in the livingroom. Having just checked on him now I find him making himself very comfortable on the sofa. Hmmm, how fast they take over our lives.

I think this story will have lots of chapters, stay tuned.

Saying "Good-bye"

"Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance"

--Saying 'good-bye' is never easy--
Until you have to do it you never really understand how truly difficult good-bye can be. I have a friend moving with her family to Calgary, not a great distance, 4 hours by plane, but it means no longer being able to visit and chat on the deck, no more lunch dates, no more meeting at the ice rink while our children skate, no more chance meetings on the street...

6 months ago when she first told me they might be moving you could have knocked me over with a feather. Here they were, just settled into a beautiful new home that she herself had put her heart and soul into, literally; inside the walls she encased teacups, photos, money, mementos that will be there for as long as the house stands, mementos that have lifetime memories attached. Yes, the plan is to one day come back - they didn't sell the home, they are fortunate enough to be able to keep it and they found a friend they could rent to - but no matter how well you plan for it, life can take some interesting turns.

So, you have to deal with leaving your home, leaving your friends, taking only your memories to a strange new place where you will make a new home, new friends and new memories. So, with life being a road full of difficult turns and knowing that every road leads us down different paths, lets hope this road leads her down the same gentle path she has been traveling.

What about the friends left behind? It is not every day that you are blessed with meeting someone who becomes apart of you, someone who understands you, someone who knows what you are thinking even before you say it to yourself. I am fortunate to have many very wonderful friends but with each friend we create a different bond. Some for work, some for play, and some with whom we create a soul-enriching bond. This departing friend is one of those special souls who make a difference in your life just by being a part of it.

'Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.'

She is part of a small circle of very loving and caring women who have created a new world for me.

I am going to miss the times we spent together, drink in hand by the river's edge. I am going to miss her warm friendly smile. I am going to miss her physical presence. As we get older we realize the true value of friendship.

Hmmm...but, thank goodness for modern communication and transportation...
I haven't been to Calgary in many years, I wonder how the west has changed...

...so maybe it isn't 'good-bye', maybe it's 'see you soon!'

May Flower taken in the Brule Hills May 22, 2005 while out for a 'photo taking drive'  

Field Trip

A bus load of little people, grade 1 & 2, on a field trip to a Jillian Jiggs play and I didn't have to take the bus. Yeah! For parents who have gone on a school field trip the bus ride can be fun or it can be a ride to hell. I, myself, love the bus ride, would not trade it for anything -- except for when it comes to a bus load and I mean load, 3 little people to a seat, whoa before we go into the safety factor here, I know all about how unsafe it is to have 3 in a seat on a school bus with no seatbelt so this is where my story takes a turn, I filled my van, 8 bodies, and drove to the destination, that meant 8 less people on the bus plus there were numerous other mothers who also drove. You see the problem is that the buses cost close to $400. for the day and the 'powers that be' could not justify paying that kind of money for an extra bus when there were parents who could possibly drive...

...all that said, one field trip down, one to go. Today was my daughter's grade 1 field trip to Pembroke, Ont. to see a Jillian Jiggs play. It was great, the kids had a blast. 4 little girls and 4 moms, 4 giggly little girls.

The parents had a blast, too. Rarely does a parent sign up for such an event if they don't totally understand how the day will go. It is ALL about the kids, it is their day -- they are usually divided up into little groups of 4 or 5 and each parent has a group to look after. Now, even for me who works at the school and who knows every child, it is still a very daunting task to make sure you don't loose one or two. After all, they are all the same size, they all seem to be dressed in all the same clothes --- I mean every child in the place and usually other schools are there with the same age group of children, everyone being the same size and hair colour as your charges --- or so it seems. Ahhhhhhh, if you are wise though you will join another mother and her group and between the two of you the task will be a little easier, one in back, one in front.

Bottom line is always that anyday you get to spent with your child is a great day! Hey and we even managed to stop at Dairy Queen for ice cream, although we told the teacher we got lost...

Ahhhhhhhhh...

Seems I live my life around the school year. I have 3 children in school, grades 1, 4 and 7. I am also a noon supervisor at the junior school as well as a retiring Pres. of the Home and School. So, needless to say, I cannot wait for the end of the school year. There is so much to wrap up as far as the Home and School is concerned, especially since I am passing the torch, i.e., fundraisers, year-end meetings and dinners, getting the books together - I am not very good at looking after the paper trail, I love my computer because it has all my important stuff all crammed into it's memory - and just making sure everything is in place to make a clean start for my successor for the new year.

I am also very busy with all my other committee work. I love being a volunteer, especially when everything is going well, but then who doesn't, it's not much fun doing anything if it is not going as planned.

Yes, I am going to bore you with all my committee work. Let's see, where do I start...Friends of the Library which does fundraising and supports programs in our local library, Armstrong Heritage Farm which will be a living museum depicting life in Pontiac County 1890-1920, and The Pontiac School of the Arts which we hope will one day be a year-round art school but for this year, 2005, it is a 9-day event happening from July 23-31. You can check it out and hey, who knows, maybe you will one day decide to make a trip our way and see what Pontiac County, Canada has to offer, afterall, we are known as the 'greatest unknown'. Among other things we have an abundance of wonderful artists in our area and we are do more than just fight off the language police.

I'm Here!

Well, after much time of thinking about this blogging stuff I have finally taken the plunge and created my own, or actually, I am at the beginning of my own blog.

"What Do We Do Now!"

As you will notice the name of this site is not written as a question but rather as a statement because there would be no right answer if this were a question. Besides, I am not looking for an answer because the only thing anyone of us can do it to continue with whatever we have to do, to go on and fight the fight, live till there is no living left.

Life is short, live it and live it well!

A perfect place to relax - with friends.