New computer

I bought a new computer. 20" of pure beauty.

19 years to live...

...is not a very long time.

One of my son's best friends died yesterday. He was only 19. In the local newspaper he is described as a "man" but to this mother - to his mother - and to anyone else who knows him he is still a child.

A child who was just starting his life. A child who went to work not knowing he'd never be home again. A child of a family who never thought they'd have to live out the rest of their days without him. A child friend who leaves behind other children who are too young to understand how this could happen, how this buddy will never be there again. A childhood gone.

I'm sure he thought of himself as a "man", what man doesn't. What boy doesn't wait impatiently for the day that he would be grown up enough to be considered a "man". But he will never grow to be the man his parents born him to be. He will never grow into the man he dreamt he would become.

19 years to live is not long enough!

R.I.P Shawn, we will miss you.

No longer standing alone...

...tonight, along with 6 beautiful ladies that I couldn't do this without, I am no longer alone in my struggle to lose weight and get healthy. We have formed our own support group that will meet once a week to discuss, support and workout. None of us have been truly successful in doing this alone. Together, over the past few years, we have accomplished many things and together we can accomplish this too.

Nothing to say...

It was noted to me recently that it's been a very long time since I last blogged. Well, indeed it has been. I've been busy and I haven't had much to say and it gets worse at this time of year...I get the winter blues.
I am one of those who NEEDS sunshine. I NEED warmth. Winter comes and I just want to keep myself covered and cozied in an attempt to stay warm and forget time until spring comes calling again.
My fingers freeze up in November and thaw out sometime mid April, the same with my toes. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I NEED to be living beside the seashore with the warm wind caressing my skin. I NEED to be WARM.
As I drove home from work yesterday I noticed it was still daylight. A month ago, at the same time of day, I drove home in the dark. That could only mean one thing...spring is on it's way. NO, don't tell me it's still 8 weeks away, let me live in my own dreamworld where I can feel the sun getting hotter, the days getting longer and visualize the grass turning green and pushing it's way through the snow. I want to believe every day is one day closer to fresh buds on the trees and fragrant blooms in the garden...snnnnnnnnnnnn, do you smell the lilacs? I do...and that will help get me through my winter blahs and I'll come out of my cocoon happily blinded by the sunshine and ready for a new season, a fresh start to a warmer, brighter day.
Well, maybe I did have something to say...

Happy 11th. Little Girl

It would seem that 11 years would feel like a long time but not when it's the amount of years your "baby girl" has been alive...it's gone by too fast.
One day you were a tiny little baby,needing constant care and supervision and today you are so independent it sometimes scares me.
You were born during 'the ice storm' of '98 and in this, your 11th year, we are in a deep freeze with temperatures of -36C...no wonder you're so strong willed. You have a definite mind of your own. Someday that will serve you well.

"Happy Birthday!"

Heading out to warmer climates...

Quebec from Storyland Road

Happy Thanksgiving

Whose life happened behind this window?

Change...

Change happens!

It doesn't usually come when we are expecting it or even wanting it.
Well, good change does but that is because 'good change' is the kind of change we want to happen, the kind of change we make happen. It's the other kind of change I'm talking about...the kind that hits you when you least expect it and leaves you standing, scratching your head wondering WTF!
I've been watching this change coming for a while wishing it was something other than what it is...hoping it was just a blip but I don't think it's that - it's the real thing!
And because I'm not sure how I feel about it and knowing there is nothing I can do about it this is all I'm saying because it's going to happen whether I like it or not.

Summer fun

My daughter is taking riding lessons and having the time of her life.

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts

Just finished watching "The Bucket List"...what a great story...

"have no fear for givin' in
have no fear for givin' over
you better know that in the end
it's better to say too much
than never to say what you need to say again
say what you need to say"
John Mayer "Say" lyrics

Great friendships can be made in the shortest of time.

Art classes...

Photography, Stained Glass, Silk painting, watercolour, drawing, YAWS - Young Artists Workshop Series, etc..

The Pontiac School of the Arts in Portage-du-Fort, Quebec is offering art courses for all age groups. This is our 4th year with courses running from July 5 to Aug. 8

For more information: info@pontiacschoolofthearts.com

This year we have 3 weeks of YAWS - week 1 is completely full but week 2 and 3 are still excepting registrations. Week 2 is for ages 13-18 and week 3 is for ages 8-12.

Got a new lens..

Just bought this lens, Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.4 D and I LOVE it. So fast. Don't know if I'll ever use any other lens...did I say I LOVE it!

Below are some results!

I've registered for a photo course on 'exposure' at Henry's next Thursday. Being self-taught I've wished to be able to take a photography course but time doesn't allow for anything long-term, quick and to the point will hopefully give me enough insight to continue on my own.

She said, "I don't feel like myself anymore"

It was easier to stay away and make excuses for staying away than to try and understand, or so I told myself. It broke my heart to see her sitting on the bed feeling so ashamed and broken, incapable of making people understand how it feels to be so totally out of control and outside of yourself. She said “I feel different. I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

“I was in a fog. I could see myself cutting my wrists but it wasn’t me. I didn’t feel anything.” She said she could hear her husband trying to break down the door but he sounded so far away.

We sit in our little worlds completely ignorant of the problems that people live with every day. We feel safe and secure. We need to take a step outside our safe circle every once in awhile and see how bad it is for other people and to realize that those other people are just like us…they are our neighbours, strangers on the street, our friends and they are trying to survive anyway they can. For whatever reason, it is them and not us and we need to have compassion and understanding but our ignorance keeps us at arm’s length and we look at these people and think they are their own worst enemies, they brought their pain and suffering upon themselves. It’s easier to judge than to get too close.

In the end, I am so glad I took that step outside of my comfort-zone. I did not change her circumstances but for a brief moment in time I do know that I took her outside the walls of where ever she is now...

...I saw her, she's still who she once was, still the same person she was 3 months ago, she just has to find herself again.

I left work a bit early this afternoon to enjoy the wonderful weather. I was all set to go home but when my van reached the highway the steering wheel turned left instead of the usual right. For 2 years I have been saying I am going to visit the Coulonge Chutes in the spring and today was the day I finally made it happen. If you are looking for a family outing this is the place to go. I spent almost 2 hours just taking photos. The water and the mist are spectacular this time of year. The roar is thunderous. The power of the water is just amazing. Go, visit, don't forget your camera and a picnic. It's about an hour and 1/2 drive west of Ottawa.

"Young Warrior"

This is the story of a brave little boy who is fighting for his life. His name is Tayten.
He is now at the Children’s hospital (CHEO) undergoing cancer treatments. He has been in the hospital for the last three weeks and has three more weeks to go before he goes to Toronto
for a bone marrow transplant.
His grandmother created a blog to keep his family and friends up-to-date on Tayten's journey to health.
This "Young Warrior" is in Grade 7 with my son Ben. We first met Tayten before he became sick then one day he wasn't at school anymore. A few weeks later his teacher informed his classmates that he was in CHEO and had recently found out he had leukemia. It's astounding how fast cancer strikes...

Wowsers!

Usually, hearing from a teacher means bad news...but every once in a great while it can mean good news...such was the news of today.
Ben, my middle child, is a bright boy who has driven me crazy this year when it comes to his studying and doing homework. How many times have I heard from his teacher that "if only" he had gotten his homework complete his marks would have been better, that his in-class work is good but he just doesn't complete all assignments. Sometimes leaves 3 or 4 math questions unanswered. WHY? Late handing in projects.
So a short time ago I heard from his teacher one time too many and so I asked for a meeting between the 3 of us. If I had the faintest idea that all we had to do was sit down and lay it on the line - 'Ben, we're both here to help you. We know you can do anything you set your mind to so we're not going to let you fail yourself' - I would have done that at the start of the year. Actually, I don't know what finally clicked but something did. He has completed every project since then, BEFORE their due date. He is doing his homework...yadda, yadda, yadda. I know it doesn't hurt that his teacher is very young and perky and very cute and that she happens to be a cousin of his favorite aunt - whatever....it worked. She emailed me tonight and told me that he has more than passed his 3rd term, in the three subjects she teaches, and is well on his way to passing his 4th - the momentum of this term will hopefully push him through to the end of the year. He was grinning from ear to ear. I told him how proud I am of him and that he should be very proud of himself. He couldn't wait to call a family friend to let her know that he earned 3 'green' marks on his upcoming report card from these three classes with the possibility of 2 more from other classes. "Wowsers!", is a direct quote from his teacher. And kudos to this young teacher...she has gone above and beyond to help him see his full potential. She has not backed down, she has given him every opportunity to shine....if only every child was given this type of understanding and guidance...the world needs more teachers like her.

Bought myself a new lens...Nikon AF-S VR Zoom-Nikkor 70-300mm f/4.5-5.6G IF-ED...


...need I say more, except that while I was at Henry's purchasing the lens I held the Nikon D300 - OH, DEAR...I've got to have it!

Enough with the cold...

3 weeks until SPRING! Can't wait. I've had enough of winter. I am not a skier, snowmobiler or skater...not a winter fan at all - except for a sprinkling of snow for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning I would be happen to never see the white stuff again.

Spring and summer are my preferred seasons. Anything above 40C is what I crave. I need the warmth and brilliance of the sun.

I hate wearing shoes and socks. Love walking bare foot or at least with sandals. As soon as I can each year I toss my shoes and boots aside and expose my toes to the sun. The spring is a time for renewing and regenerating and by this time of the year I most definitely need to do both. It seems more so this year. I have gotten into a rut that I can't seem to get out of. Work is backing up and besides knowing that it has to get done it's really not bothering me all that much. I would love to just walk away from it all and leave it for someone else to pick up the pieces. I committed myself to doing a brochure and two websites for a committee I volunteer for. I have hit a wall, not much in the way of imagination, having a hard time coming up with a starting point. The brochure and one website need to be completely overhauled and redesigned But, knowing that I committed myself and not being the type of person who would be happy letting someone else step in and finish something I couldn't I will push on (I'm not a quitter and much to vain to be regarded as one), I will somehow get it together...possibly with the help of spring and all the good it brings with it...that seems like an awful lot to leave to a season but...I am hoping for anything that will get me out of my rut.

Watching a child grow...

I just told my 16 year old, for the umpteenth time, that he should get a job...and as I am saying it I get a flashback to my little boy and how he is disappearing before my eyes. He is growing into a young man that I am seeing less and less of and I realize that when he does get a job he will be away from home that much more often. It sucks that they have to grow up and move away. He's walking out the door and I am thinking about the day he walks out the door for good.
My son is probably a typical teenager, a product of our times - he has everything we can afford to give him and sometimes more. He and his father are big into 4-wheelers and snowmobiles. Alex got his first 4-wheeler as a 1 year old for Christmas, it was a battery powered one that he learned to drive in our living room by bouncing it off the furniture...he quickly learned how to stop and how to turn it. He has gone onto various sizes of machines, growing along with them. He got his 4-wheeling licence at 14, just got his temporary drivers licence and his snowmobile licence. We figure if he has the machines he might as well be able to drive them, legally, but he thinks having his licence implies that he can drive whenever he wishes - which is pretty well all the time. His friends all have bikes and snowmobiles as well so they are always heading out somewhere. I love that my son has lots of friends and that they are active and having fun, being kids - teenagers - and that they are doing these sorts of things instead of getting into trouble. They hang out at each other's homes watching movies or playing video games, drinking the occasional beer...teenage stuff.

The bottom line is that we can not continue to finance his lifestyle. If he wants to go 4-wheeling and snowmobiling and eating occasionally at the restaurant then he needs to get a job, he needs to make his own money so he can make his own way in life and making his own way in life means eventually leaving home.

I saw my little boy today...the little boy he was at 3 or 5 or 8...not the young man he is becoming, I miss seeing my little boy.