Welcome a New Year!

Happy 2006!

Looking forward to a new year and whatever it brings with it.

Cheers to
Family & Friends
Health & Happiness

Loneliness

I don't know how it's possible to feel lonely in a house full of people but sometimes I do. Felt very lonely/alone today. Called a friend just to hear a friendly voice knowing that she would be there like so many times before.

Kids all at home, husband home early from work, everyone doing their own thing. With everyone so involved in their own lives it sometimes seems like our paths very rarely cross. I spent the better part of the day cleaning the house, getting ready for a family New Years dinner. With 5 people in the house it can still be a very lonely place. Sometimes I crave being alone but being lonely is entirely different. The feeling of loneliness is something that can be very overwhelming.

Being a mother and wife can take over your whole life, if you let it. And then one day you wake up and realize that you have left yourself behind. A few years after my youngest child was born I felt the need to get out of the house, to find a place for myself so that when the lonliness becomes unbearable I have a place to go and find company and comfort. I am not usually comfortable in large groups but I enjoy time spent with close friends, good conversation, a few laughs. I have found a company of women that I love being with, they are my runaway place. Whether it's an impromptu lunch date, a dessert night, a shopping trip or just to sit and chat, it's good! It's comfort, it's warmth!

Good-bye...Hello

My oldest son turned 14 this year. His voice is changing and he has a girlfriend. He is becoming a man before our very eyes. When did this transformation begin?
Good-bye 'Little Man'.





Heard a high school friend died the other day. He had been in a very bad accident about 15 years ago that left him a paraplegic. He was always very independant and after the accident he became even more so. Don't know when exactly, but recently he needed a new kidney. His family didn't know about the transplant until after it happened and they didn't know there were complications from the surgery until the hospital called to say he had died.
Good-bye Philip.

Good-bye -
- Uncle Ernest & Aunt Hilda
- 25 lbs. (don't miss ya - never want you back)
- anger (trying to let go)
- job security (my husband got his layoff notice)
- 2005

Hello -
- 2006
- to plans for the future
- to continued good health for family and friends
- to the continued love for my family and friends
- to the continued joy, laughter and love of my friends
- to the unending struggle to do the right thing
- to a more positive attitude

Happy New Year!

The Eve of Christmas

I can officially say all the shopping is done, everything is in place, Santa is on his way. Pretty soon visions of sugar plums will be dancing in our heads - sugarplums, what would be the modern version of sugarplums?

I spent time with my mother yesterday while on our way to pick up my twin brother at the train station. She was recounting the olden days, days way before I was born or even thought about. She and my father took the train and headed into the city, Ottawa being the city in this case, and spending the days before Christmas doing their shopping. My father bought a dress for his little sisters, cost- $1. each, brand new. She remembers buying a 1lb. box of Laura Secord chocolates for $.99. And there was the time they bought a suitcase so they could carry everything home on the train. I immediately thought how wonderful it would be to take a train ride into the city for the day. What a wonderful way to relax and let time slow down. The train left this part of the world a long time ago, someone didn't have very much forethought.

A friend had asked Kris and I if we would come to her house on the afternoon of Christmas Eve to take some family photos. Even though we both had family plans, Kris' being out of town and starting earlier in the day than mine, we did not hesitate. That's what you do for friends, right!
Turns out the family has grown considerably since the last time I saw most of them, (we all went to the same high school.) What we walked into this afternoon was the epitome of Christmas time. Drinks were flowing, laughter was everywhere (lots of playful teasing) and I could smell the turkey from outside. Photos taken, we were on our way. Kris to her family party at the cottage and me to a chinese dinner to celebrate an anniversary.

Really looking forward to tomorrow when my family gathers at my mother's house. My twin brother will take over the kitchen - thinks himself a chef (actually he is pretty good in the kitchen but I would never tell him that - it would only go to his head), I will once again try to make the gravy "just like Grandma". My sister will avoid any kind of work and Mom will delight in the fact that again Randy and I are arguing and teasing each other over who is the better cook of the two (it really is on-going). Over the last few years it has been my brother and I taking over preparing the Christmas meal - that is after Mom has spent countless days prepared the stuffing and veggies and pies. The best part of the meal will be the turkey, nothing says Christmas like turkey.

And before we know it everyone will be trying to find the best seat in the house to sit and rest our over stuffed bellies. Talk will be about how anyone could eat so much and how we wish we hadn't eaten so much. Ahhh, can't wait!

Time slips by...

Another day, another month, another year. Where does time go! I remember being a young girl in high school, we'll say somewhere around 1978, and thinking I can't possibly imagine going into another century - that was sooooooooo far off. Shit, 1980 was so far off then, that was a whole other world. Well, here we are and I'm still here. Not sure I am where I want to be but most days I am comfortable with it, it kind of grows on you. There are the usual regrets about having wanted to have done more with my life, to have gone places, to have "seen the world" but so far that hasn't happened. I must say, this little part of the world isn't so bad most days.

Life takes off and before you know it you're headed in one direction and it becomes too difficult to turn a corner and try another path or else you get so comfortable where you're going that you forget about the rest of what may be out there waiting for you to explore. And before you know it half your life has come and gone and you find yourself sitting thinking 'hey, what have I missed, what have I closed my eyes too?' But, as I have been reminded lately, if I had taken another path my life would be completely different, I wouldn't have what I have now, I wouldn't know the people I know now and I would not be who I am now.

It is that path that we have travelled
that has made us who we are today.

All in all, I guess I took the right path but somedays

I find myself wishing I had deviated just a little.

1 week to go...

Shopping is finally done, well almost - there is always the little last minute things that you have forgotten along the way, stocking stuffers and such. But atleast it is time to relax with the knowledge that panic mode has been averted for another year.

A week from today and Christmas will be all but over. The presents unwrapped, too much food digested and the need for sleep becoming more and more obvious, the kids have more than likely had the whole house up since 6:30 - atleast. The build up to Christmas is always so much hustle and bustle that when the day finally arrives we usually miss it - it's over before we realize it's time to relax and enjoy ourselves. Visions of plans for next year dance in our heads....

Slow down, take time to relax and enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

13 Shopping days till Christmas...

Every year I tell myself I am going to start my Christmas shopping early and every year I find myself racing to beat the approaching deadline. And every year the kids ask for bigger and more expensive gifts. Mp3 players seem to be all the rage this year, I know I am buying 2 maybe 3.

1 of my kids still believes in the magic of Santa, 1 wants to believe and 1 believes because he knows it is part of the magic of the season to believe. It is wondeful to hear my 14 year old tell his 7 years old sister that there really is a Santa and that Ben doesn't know what he is talking about. Because we all know that if you don't believe it really isn't so magical anymore.

Tonight we are setting up our tree. I put the lights on (because my husband tells me that if I want it done 'right' I had better do it myself (poor guy, if you try you can do it right too) - the lights have to go inside the branches not just on the outside....the tree is so picky but by tomorrow most of the pain will be gone, or atleast the memory of it) and my kids put the rest of the decorations on. It is taking a little longer tonight because at the same time we are watching "The Santa Claus", so it's put on a few decorations then stop to watch the movie.

We got our tree last Sunday. A very dear friend started a wonderful tradition a few years ago where by we get together at her place, have a potluck brunch and then we all jump into our vehicles and head out to the bush for a "Christmas tree hunt". The kids look forward to this every year, the adults look forward to this. Some families come and some families go but there is a core group of 4 families that have continued almost every year. This year one family was not able to be with us because they are now living in a different part of the country but they were there in spirit (Hi, Calgary) And a new family was invited to become part of our tradition, I'm hoping they continue for years to come (love ya Kris). Traditions are good!
It started out with some of us not knowing each other but it is amazing how fast you can become friends with people that you may only get together with once a year and how you look forward to seeing them again after such a long time.
The weather was just perfect, not too cold with a little light snow and once in awhile the sun would pop through the clouds. It was perfect enough for a snowball fight. Kris and I, being the biggest kids, started it all. The kids were looking at us like we were juvenile or something (LOL) but it wasn't long before they realized we were having all the fun and they quickly joined us.

Happy shopping everyone and Merry Christmas!