What Do We Do Now!

Rambling on...

2011-05-27T09:47:00.009-04:00

So, spring arrived, well sort of, I'm a bit hesitant to say it's really here because one day it's hot, the next it's cold and damp and even one night this week we came close to frost. So, as much as I agree with the calendar that spring is here I'm really waiting to feel it. I want to see some sun. I've come to the conclusion that I'm one of those people who NEED the sun to bring me out of the doldrums. It's amazing how the sun can bring out smiles and good moods.

I've not been very good at blogging over the past few months. I've not felt like I had much to say. Life has been happening but I feel like I'm just going along for the ride and not really participating.

I've hit the wall, splat! I'm in a rut...a very deep cavernous rut that I can't seem to make my way out of. I feel like I'm going in all directions and getting no where. Up is where I'm hoping to go but up is difficult because without a rope or a helping hand I just keep slidding back down into the rut.

I'm a photographer, or so I've been told. This is how it is: I have a photography business. I have a photography partner and we do very good work, we do, I'm not just bragging. What's even better is that we work very well together. We're kind of like a comedy team when we really get going and that certainly helps to take the edge off the photo shoot and make people relax and be themselves. I love working with this woman. We met a few years ago and became fast friends.

I've always dabbled in photography since buying my first camera to capture the life of my first born son. Over the years I've gone on to captured 3 children, sometimes to their dislike...you've always got a camera in our face MOM, grumble grumble grumble. So when I needed to take photos of something that wouldn't give me such a hard time I took to the road with my camera in the passenger seat and in doing so I found a 'get away' from life's stresses. Trees, flowers, old houses that used to be someones home but for whatever reasons no longer have a family, fences...you name it, 'still life', quiet life I like to call it. I travel the backroads alone with my thoughts and my camera scouting out something that catches my eye.

So over the years I've accumlated quite a portfolio of images. Images mostly just viewed by me until recently when I've started to share them as in evident by the images on this blog. So here I get back to using the term 'photographer' to describe this part of who I am and my discomfort with that description. I'm completely self-taught, except for having taken a few day courses at a local camera store, and as in all things in life I'm not done learning. My photography partner is an 'educated' photographer, she went to school to learn her craft, she was/is a photojournalist.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm reluctant to call myself a photographer. Is it because I'm self-taught and therefore think I've not learned properly and maybe without the 'formal education' I feel I'm not qualified to be called a photographer?! I'm so comfortable on the road with my camera snapping pics of long dead trees and landscapes, etc., but put me in a room full of people, clients wanting that perfect family photo and I become unsure of my ability. My partner on the other hand is so sure of herself so good at 'looking' the part. I also work for a local newspaper in the layout department but because it's a small, bi-weekly and we don't have a large staff I'm occasionally called upon to cover an event which means - taking photos - which means at work I'm also called a 'photographer'. I've snapped thousands and thousands of images...the count is well over 70,000, I've lost track really.

So, long story short, I don't feel qualified to call myself a photographer but why am I so reluctant?

We welcome spring in 52 days

2011-01-27T09:30:00.008-05:00

According to the Ottawa Citizen "Spring's on the way, really" and I can't wait. I like winter Ionly wish it could be warmer and sunnier, I am craving sunshine.

As of yesterday, Jan. 26, 2011, the sun sets later than 5 p.m. for the first time since November and we get more than nine and a half hours of daylight. Currently we're adding two minutes and 22 seconds of daylight each day, and that daily change is accelerating...by Jan 31 we will have gained a full hour of daylight.

Source: the Ottawa Citizen

All this helps to make the long cold days of winter more bearable.

16x20 canvas print - Jacob's Ladder

I want to be able to get out and take more of the above kind of photo, enough snow already - although I love my snow images. I want to feel the warmth of the sun and the singing of the birds.

"Spring's on the way, really!" Bring it on!

It's been a while

2011-01-21T16:35:00.008-05:00

Haven't been here for a long time. I suppose I should play 'catch up' but that's gonna have to wait.

One thing I have been busy with, very busy with in fact, has been my photography.

Enjoy -

As you will see I really love winter photography.

“Because we’re friends”

2010-02-04T22:57:00.004-05:00

How do you say something that needs to be said without hurting the person that needs to hear it. Or does she need to hear it? Maybe some words are best never voiced.
Does “because we’re friends” make it safe and alright to say whatever we think the other needs to hear even though we know it might hurt them?
“Because we’re friends” isn’t a license to say and do what YOU think the other person can handle, it’s a slippery slope that needs to be carefully walked. Because you need to clear the air doesn’t mean the other person is ready to hear what you have to say in the particular why you say it. And then after you’ve said what it is you just had to say “because we’re friends” you think things are okay but I’m having a difficult time working my way around the words. The words that sounded angry. I’m having a difficult time making my words and thoughts maneuver around the words that want to come out but that I’m trying hard to keep in “because we’re friends”.

Welcome 2010

2009-12-31T22:06:00.004-05:00

New computer

2009-04-14T21:10:00.003-04:00

I bought a new computer. 20" of pure beauty.

19 years to live...

2009-02-25T13:57:00.008-05:00

...is not a very long time.

One of my son's best friends died yesterday. He was only 19. In the local newspaper he is described as a "man" but to this mother - to his mother - and to anyone else who knows him he is still a child.

A child who was just starting his life. A child who went to work not knowing he'd never be home again. A child of a family who never thought they'd have to live out the rest of their days without him. A child friend who leaves behind other children who are too young to understand how this could happen, how this buddy will never be there again. A childhood gone.

I'm sure he thought of himself as a "man", what man doesn't. What boy doesn't wait impatiently for the day that he would be grown up enough to be considered a "man". But he will never grow to be the man his parents born him to be. He will never grow into the man he dreamt he would become.

19 years to live is not long enough!

R.I.P Shawn, we will miss you.

No longer standing alone...

2009-02-02T23:27:00.005-05:00

...tonight, along with 6 beautiful ladies that I couldn't do this without, I am no longer alone in my struggle to lose weight and get healthy. We have formed our own support group that will meet once a week to discuss, support and workout. None of us have been truly successful in doing this alone. Together, over the past few years, we have accomplished many things and together we can accomplish this too.

Nothing to say...

2009-01-25T21:47:00.007-05:00

It was noted to me recently that it's been a very long time since I last blogged. Well, indeed it has been. I've been busy and I haven't had much to say and it gets worse at this time of year...I get the winter blues.
I am one of those who NEEDS sunshine. I NEED warmth. Winter comes and I just want to keep myself covered and cozied in an attempt to stay warm and forget time until spring comes calling again.
My fingers freeze up in November and thaw out sometime mid April, the same with my toes. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I NEED to be living beside the seashore with the warm wind caressing my skin. I NEED to be WARM.
As I drove home from work yesterday I noticed it was still daylight. A month ago, at the same time of day, I drove home in the dark. That could only mean one thing...spring is on it's way. NO, don't tell me it's still 8 weeks away, let me live in my own dreamworld where I can feel the sun getting hotter, the days getting longer and visualize the grass turning green and pushing it's way through the snow. I want to believe every day is one day closer to fresh buds on the trees and fragrant blooms in the garden...snnnnnnnnnnnn, do you smell the lilacs? I do...and that will help get me through my winter blahs and I'll come out of my cocoon happily blinded by the sunshine and ready for a new season, a fresh start to a warmer, brighter day.
Well, maybe I did have something to say...

Happy 11th. Little Girl

2009-01-17T11:43:00.006-05:00

It would seem that 11 years would feel like a long time but not when it's the amount of years your "baby girl" has been alive...it's gone by too fast.
One day you were a tiny little baby,needing constant care and supervision and today you are so independent it sometimes scares me.
You were born during 'the ice storm' of '98 and in this, your 11th year, we are in a deep freeze with temperatures of -36C...no wonder you're so strong willed. You have a definite mind of your own. Someday that will serve you well.

"Happy Birthday!"

2008-10-15T17:40:00.004-04:00

Heading out to warmer climates...

Quebec from Storyland Road

2008-10-13T21:06:00.002-04:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-09-29T15:45:00.002-04:00

Whose life happened behind this window?

Change...

2008-08-05T21:24:00.004-04:00

Change happens!

It doesn't usually come when we are expecting it or even wanting it.
Well, good change does but that is because 'good change' is the kind of change we want to happen, the kind of change we make happen. It's the other kind of change I'm talking about...the kind that hits you when you least expect it and leaves you standing, scratching your head wondering WTF!
I've been watching this change coming for a while wishing it was something other than what it is...hoping it was just a blip but I don't think it's that - it's the real thing!
And because I'm not sure how I feel about it and knowing there is nothing I can do about it this is all I'm saying because it's going to happen whether I like it or not.

Summer fun

2008-07-28T23:29:00.003-04:00

My daughter is taking riding lessons and having the time of her life.

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts

2008-07-28T22:52:00.004-04:00

Just finished watching "The Bucket List"...what a great story...

"have no fear for givin' in
have no fear for givin' over
you better know that in the end
it's better to say too much
than never to say what you need to say again
say what you need to say"
John Mayer "Say" lyrics

Great friendships can be made in the shortest of time.

Art classes...

2008-06-30T22:05:00.002-04:00

Photography, Stained Glass, Silk painting, watercolour, drawing, YAWS - Young Artists Workshop Series, etc..

The Pontiac School of the Arts in Portage-du-Fort, Quebec is offering art courses for all age groups. This is our 4th year with courses running from July 5 to Aug. 8

For more information: info@pontiacschoolofthearts.com

This year we have 3 weeks of YAWS - week 1 is completely full but week 2 and 3 are still excepting registrations. Week 2 is for ages 13-18 and week 3 is for ages 8-12.

Got a new lens..

2008-06-26T23:03:00.010-04:00

Just bought this lens, Nikon AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.4 D and I LOVE it. So fast. Don't know if I'll ever use any other lens...did I say I LOVE it!

Below are some results!

I've registered for a photo course on 'exposure' at Henry's next Thursday. Being self-taught I've wished to be able to take a photography course but time doesn't allow for anything long-term, quick and to the point will hopefully give me enough insight to continue on my own.

She said, "I don't feel like myself anymore"

2008-06-05T20:47:00.004-04:00

It was easier to stay away and make excuses for staying away than to try and understand, or so I told myself. It broke my heart to see her sitting on the bed feeling so ashamed and broken, incapable of making people understand how it feels to be so totally out of control and outside of yourself. She said “I feel different. I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

“I was in a fog. I could see myself cutting my wrists but it wasn’t me. I didn’t feel anything.” She said she could hear her husband trying to break down the door but he sounded so far away.

We sit in our little worlds completely ignorant of the problems that people live with every day. We feel safe and secure. We need to take a step outside our safe circle every once in awhile and see how bad it is for other people and to realize that those other people are just like us…they are our neighbours, strangers on the street, our friends and they are trying to survive anyway they can. For whatever reason, it is them and not us and we need to have compassion and understanding but our ignorance keeps us at arm’s length and we look at these people and think they are their own worst enemies, they brought their pain and suffering upon themselves. It’s easier to judge than to get too close.

In the end, I am so glad I took that step outside of my comfort-zone. I did not change her circumstances but for a brief moment in time I do know that I took her outside the walls of where ever she is now...

...I saw her, she's still who she once was, still the same person she was 3 months ago, she just has to find herself again.

2008-04-20T19:41:00.009-04:00

I left work a bit early this afternoon to enjoy the wonderful weather. I was all set to go home but when my van reached the highway the steering wheel turned left instead of the usual right. For 2 years I have been saying I am going to visit the Coulonge Chutes in the spring and today was the day I finally made it happen. If you are looking for a family outing this is the place to go. I spent almost 2 hours just taking photos. The water and the mist are spectacular this time of year. The roar is thunderous. The power of the water is just amazing. Go, visit, don't forget your camera and a picnic. It's about an hour and 1/2 drive west of Ottawa.

"Young Warrior"

2008-04-10T16:55:00.005-04:00

This is the story of a brave little boy who is fighting for his life. His name is Tayten.
He is now at the Children’s hospital (CHEO) undergoing cancer treatments. He has been in the hospital for the last three weeks and has three more weeks to go before he goes to Toronto
for a bone marrow transplant.
His grandmother created a blog to keep his family and friends up-to-date on Tayten's journey to health.
This "Young Warrior" is in Grade 7 with my son Ben. We first met Tayten before he became sick then one day he wasn't at school anymore. A few weeks later his teacher informed his classmates that he was in CHEO and had recently found out he had leukemia. It's astounding how fast cancer strikes...

Wowsers!

2008-03-30T22:11:00.006-04:00

Usually, hearing from a teacher means bad news...but every once in a great while it can mean good news...such was the news of today.
Ben, my middle child, is a bright boy who has driven me crazy this year when it comes to his studying and doing homework. How many times have I heard from his teacher that "if only" he had gotten his homework complete his marks would have been better, that his in-class work is good but he just doesn't complete all assignments. Sometimes leaves 3 or 4 math questions unanswered. WHY? Late handing in projects.
So a short time ago I heard from his teacher one time too many and so I asked for a meeting between the 3 of us. If I had the faintest idea that all we had to do was sit down and lay it on the line - 'Ben, we're both here to help you. We know you can do anything you set your mind to so we're not going to let you fail yourself' - I would have done that at the start of the year. Actually, I don't know what finally clicked but something did. He has completed every project since then, BEFORE their due date. He is doing his homework...yadda, yadda, yadda. I know it doesn't hurt that his teacher is very young and perky and very cute and that she happens to be a cousin of his favorite aunt - whatever....it worked. She emailed me tonight and told me that he has more than passed his 3rd term, in the three subjects she teaches, and is well on his way to passing his 4th - the momentum of this term will hopefully push him through to the end of the year. He was grinning from ear to ear. I told him how proud I am of him and that he should be very proud of himself. He couldn't wait to call a family friend to let her know that he earned 3 'green' marks on his upcoming report card from these three classes with the possibility of 2 more from other classes. "Wowsers!", is a direct quote from his teacher. And kudos to this young teacher...she has gone above and beyond to help him see his full potential. She has not backed down, she has given him every opportunity to shine....if only every child was given this type of understanding and guidance...the world needs more teachers like her.

2008-03-30T21:54:00.003-04:00

Bought myself a new lens...Nikon AF-S VR Zoom-Nikkor 70-300mm f/4.5-5.6G IF-ED...

...need I say more, except that while I was at Henry's purchasing the lens I held the Nikon D300 - OH, DEAR...I've got to have it!

Enough with the cold...

2008-02-29T10:13:00.003-05:00

3 weeks until SPRING! Can't wait. I've had enough of winter. I am not a skier, snowmobiler or skater...not a winter fan at all - except for a sprinkling of snow for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning I would be happen to never see the white stuff again.

Spring and summer are my preferred seasons. Anything above 40C is what I crave. I need the warmth and brilliance of the sun.

I hate wearing shoes and socks. Love walking bare foot or at least with sandals. As soon as I can each year I toss my shoes and boots aside and expose my toes to the sun. The spring is a time for renewing and regenerating and by this time of the year I most definitely need to do both. It seems more so this year. I have gotten into a rut that I can't seem to get out of. Work is backing up and besides knowing that it has to get done it's really not bothering me all that much. I would love to just walk away from it all and leave it for someone else to pick up the pieces. I committed myself to doing a brochure and two websites for a committee I volunteer for. I have hit a wall, not much in the way of imagination, having a hard time coming up with a starting point. The brochure and one website need to be completely overhauled and redesigned But, knowing that I committed myself and not being the type of person who would be happy letting someone else step in and finish something I couldn't I will push on (I'm not a quitter and much to vain to be regarded as one), I will somehow get it together...possibly with the help of spring and all the good it brings with it...that seems like an awful lot to leave to a season but...I am hoping for anything that will get me out of my rut.

Watching a child grow...

2008-01-26T10:27:00.000-05:00

I just told my 16 year old, for the umpteenth time, that he should get a job...and as I am saying it I get a flashback to my little boy and how he is disappearing before my eyes. He is growing into a young man that I am seeing less and less of and I realize that when he does get a job he will be away from home that much more often. It sucks that they have to grow up and move away. He's walking out the door and I am thinking about the day he walks out the door for good.
My son is probably a typical teenager, a product of our times - he has everything we can afford to give him and sometimes more. He and his father are big into 4-wheelers and snowmobiles. Alex got his first 4-wheeler as a 1 year old for Christmas, it was a battery powered one that he learned to drive in our living room by bouncing it off the furniture...he quickly learned how to stop and how to turn it. He has gone onto various sizes of machines, growing along with them. He got his 4-wheeling licence at 14, just got his temporary drivers licence and his snowmobile licence. We figure if he has the machines he might as well be able to drive them, legally, but he thinks having his licence implies that he can drive whenever he wishes - which is pretty well all the time. His friends all have bikes and snowmobiles as well so they are always heading out somewhere. I love that my son has lots of friends and that they are active and having fun, being kids - teenagers - and that they are doing these sorts of things instead of getting into trouble. They hang out at each other's homes watching movies or playing video games, drinking the occasional beer...teenage stuff.

The bottom line is that we can not continue to finance his lifestyle. If he wants to go 4-wheeling and snowmobiling and eating occasionally at the restaurant then he needs to get a job, he needs to make his own money so he can make his own way in life and making his own way in life means eventually leaving home.

I saw my little boy today...the little boy he was at 3 or 5 or 8...not the young man he is becoming, I miss seeing my little boy.

Happy New Year...

2007-12-31T21:51:00.000-05:00

Wherever the road may take you, go with peace, happiness and health!

Another year has come and almost gone. This was a good year. I got a new job, one I really really enjoy, one that has the potential to be more. My family is healthy. My friends are healthy. My children are growing into wonderful little people. They challenge me, which is what they are supposed to do, right! We live in a part of the world where we can walk out our door everyday knowing we live in a safe place.

My oldest child goes next week for his temporary drivers licence. I can remember how great it felt when I got mine - the freedom, the independence. My brother (my twin brother) got a car before me - boys tend to do that - but he would always let me borrow it whenever I wanted. It was a boat...I felt like I was floating down the road. It was built like a tank. Along with the freedom and independence also comes the thinking that we are unbreakable...I know my boy thinks that way but I hope he takes slow easy steps and that danger never comes his way.

I don't know what 2008 has in store for any of us but I hope it takes us with gentleness and well being.

Good-bye 2007!
Hello 2008!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-12T22:26:00.000-05:00

Sunday we had our annual 'Christmas tree hunt'.
The day begins with a potluck and then off to the tree plantation to get our trees.
Sarah was wondering how many years we had been doing this.
5 years, she was 4.
And over the years some of the faces have changed.
There are 4 families that have been there from year 1 and others that
joined later and continue to be there. Some we continue to miss and wait for their return.
This year Alex (16) tried to be the tough guy and said he wasn't going. This is now a family tradition, every year we look forward to spending this day with our friends - our family.
So there was no way he was stay home, and besides,
I know he enjoys this day as much as the rest of us.
There is always someone that starts the snowball fight. Kris!?
The kids roll and play in the snow and these year we have lots of it.
It was a beautiful day, too. Not too cold. We remembered other years that were so cold we didn't venture too far into the bush and we weren't too picky with our trees, get in and get out.
The first couple of years we went to a different place. It was beautiful. Rolling hills, bush trail, wide open spaces. The first year there we walked forever, down through the bush along the trail and out into the open fields and way across to the farthest hilltop.
It was wonderful to look back to where we had come from and see the lay of the land. It wasn't so wonderful when we had to walk back but with a few complaints and lots of laughs the day became the beginning of a great Christmas tradition.

Merry Christmas!

When you "stop to smell the roses"

2007-11-11T19:11:00.000-05:00

How many times have I driven by here and have never seen them before...
why did I see them today?
I am glad I took the time to stop...I'm going back some day with my tripod.One holds the other up. They all keep each other together.

2007-10-28T19:49:00.002-04:00

Winter is coming.
Today a cold wind blew.
Giant snow flakes blew in from the north.
The trees are almost bare.
Winter is coming!

Playing in the rain

2007-10-28T19:12:00.000-04:00

It was raining yesterday, at times it was just a slow drizzle. My 9 year old daughter was given a new umbrella Friday. Yesterday she asked, "Mom, can I go for a walk in the rain?" Being an adult, who at times has lost sight of her inner child, my first reaction was to say no. But then I thought about it for a second and thought what fun, how great to be a child and to play in the rain. I remember doing that. Don't you? I remember running through the water puddles - bare foot. It was the best of times. I remember driving my bicycle through the puddles, feet off the peddles the water splashing right up to my seat. The bigger the puddle the faster we drove. Walking in the rain, clothes completely soaked.

A few years ago a bunch of us were out 4-wheeling. When we started the day there were a few puddles from a rain shower the night before. We made sure to drive around them. As the day progressed we got caught in a rain storm...it rained so hard we could hardly see, the rain was beating down on us, pelting our faces. I stopped to pour the water out of my digital camera...it's a wonder it ever worked again. Everyone else had a rain suit but I didn't take one because I knew it wasn't going to rain...yeah, right! They all laughed at me when the rain started - I laughed at them when we got back to the camp and they were no dryer than I was.
As we got wetter and wetter we also got colder and colder. We were an hour from our camp. At first we felt so miserable - wet and cold and so far to go. But as the day went on it became fun, why miss the puddles - we couldn't get any wetter - and what we realized was that the water in the puddles was WARM. OMG, you can't imagine how good it felt to feel some sort of warmth so we hit every puddle we could find on our way back. And because of that we were so muddy but no one cared. It was a good day. We went back to the camp, started a fire, dried our clothes or changed into dry ones and hopped back on the bikes when the rain stopped and headed out again. By the end of the day we were cold, dirty and tired but we had so much fun.
So, of course I let Sarah walk in the rain. How could I not.

Nightlife

2007-10-28T09:49:00.000-04:00

Spent the afternoon and evening in Ottawa. Met some friends on their way back from a Home and School conference in Montreal. They stayed the night at Les Suites, Viv and I came home. Took the 7 of us an hour of walking around the Market to finally decide where we wanted to eat...our last choice - Lone Star - was one step away from returning to their room at Les Suites and ordering pizza. Everything we do always includes alot of decision making...oh, well, it adds to the mix and flavour of our friendship...that and some well-meaning joking around and making fun of each other...last night we were compared to the "steel magnolias", you know the Julia Roberts movie of the same name.
It's been awhile since we were all together, some of us were missing though. It's good to get together with good friends and just laugh for no reason.

Growing up too fast!

2007-10-15T21:24:00.000-04:00

16 years old on Oct. 21...where did the little boy go!
Often time moves along faster than we may be prepared to deal with.

Where did the years go?
Have I prepared you for what is out there?
Will you make all the necessary right decisions?
Will you remain safe and out of harms way?

Please don't take any unnecessary risks.
Be happy.

Love you!

Pleasures in life...

2007-09-28T22:33:00.001-04:00

...come in small and large packages, embracing them is half the fun!

I was asked to do a website for a friend who wants to use it to sell her sheep and to show her farm and animals...the above big guy being one of her "pets".

I was told I would find the horses out in the field one day and if I did to just stop and shoot...

Kris and I were on our way home from doing a photo shoot at a daycare and I used this guy and his buddies as a way of grabbing some quiet and downtime before heading home to my own kids.
12 toddlers from the age of 1 year to 5 years plus we did a few family shots...it was certainly a workout. At one point I was lying on the floor, trying to seize the moment and Kris was sitting on my back trying to get a little one to "look this way". It's a lot of work sometimes but usually a lot of fun. We get in "the zone" and we each just do our own thing and before we know it the photos are all taken and it's time to pack up and go home...totally exhausted. And to add to it all, I feel very fortunate to have found someone who is not only a wonderful friend but someone that I really enjoy working with.

2007-08-26T20:09:00.001-04:00

I usually always travel with my camera, today was no exception, this is the view I found on my way home from work.

2007-08-25T21:57:00.000-04:00

Week two of the new job and I am loving it. Nothing like 'trial by fire' though. I am training while doing. Last issue was a small issue, thank goodness, but his one has 29 pages. But already I am starting to feel more comfortable. Tomorrow I am going to be left on my own, all alone, by myself, no one to hold my hand - as my daughter said, "left alone to make mistakes?", (she's 9) yes...hope the mistakes are few but at least I can still fall back on the fact that I am in training, the editor has been there for 3 years and he's still blaming his screw ups on being a newbie.

School is in next Wednesday. Sarah is dying to know who her grade 4 Teacher will be but I am sworn to secrecy. I am happy to say she will be pleasantly surprised and most of her friends will be with her. She won't find out until the first day back. I almost told her this morning but I will enjoy seeing her face when her name is called to join the rest of her class. The Principal will give a little speech and call each teacher one by one and call off the names of the students of her class to join her. From there each class will head off down the hall towards their classroom. It is always an exciting time. Used to be that the students knew before the first day of school which Teacher they had. The kids used to call each other to ask who they got and if they were in each other's class. There certainly is a lot more anticipation this way.

Shawville Fair starts next Thursday. Kids plan on spending a lot of time there, a lot of money too. If you haven't been to the Shawville Fair you are missing out on one of the greatest little fairs in the Pontiac, "up the line". It's a real agricultural experience with horse and cattle shows, there always very strong showing by our young 4H members. Maria Hawkins will be here - she's a great performer from Ottawa. Always a great source of entertainment and a great way to say 'good-bye' to summer.

Can't believe Ben will be 12 on the 3oth of August. He has asked for 4-wheeling gear, pants and jersey...can't wait to see him all decked out. He's gotten over the fact that he has to start school on or near his birthday each year. This year he didn't even ask for a party. He has asked if his buddy Matt can spend the night - his school gives them a day off on the Friday, which turns out to be the day after his birthday - because a lot of the kids are either 4-H members or skip school to go to the fair so the school has gotten smart and closed for the day - attendance was always very low so why not. We have plans to go out for breakfast on the Friday morning with our friends visiting from Calgary and Kris and her twins.

Friends leave to go back to Calgary on the 3rd., really going to miss them. The girls stayed here for the first week. Mom and Dad came in later. When they left the house was sadly quiet, they fit right right in just like one of the family. Alex and Ben drove to Bristol and took the girls 4-wheeling one day, they all had a blast.

Too bad they weren't back here living, I could see the 4 of them spending a lot of time together - hanging out, 4-wheeling. Alex says he misses them. Emma, the girl on the red bike with Alex punched him in the nose when they were in grade 6 and made his nose bleed. He cried, it's always going to be something he gets teased about - Emma was so tiny and the last person in the world who would ever hit someone but Alex was bugging her so she let him have it. Too funny! Grace says she wants Ben to be her brother, not sure that's how he wants to be thought of, secretly he has always had a bit of a crush on her...they are the two on the blue bike.

Summer has gone by too fast, can't say we had a great summer weather-wise but the time spent has been great.

Back to school

2007-08-22T21:52:00.000-04:00

Spent the day in Ottawa gathering up the last bits and pieces of back to school clothing, left the kids at home so I would only get what they need, mission accomplished! I think I am finally ready for them to head back, style-wise that is...I've hit all the fashionable shops and got all the proper clothing to assure that everyone looks their best - and spent way too much money, as usual, even though every year I tell myself this will be the year that I cut back.

Ben has his orientation to High School tomorrow, can't believe he is there - he's just so small and young, he only turns 12 next Thursday. He'll have is big brother there so he won't be alone. His big brother is supposed to be there to protect him, isn't he, guess I should remind Alex of that so he doesn't think Ben is just a "groundhog" - a lowly grade 7.

Even managed to squeeze in a great lunch date - thanks Kris, think we both needed that - for sure I did.

What does being a friend mean?

2007-08-15T22:46:00.000-04:00

Does being a friend mean we have to always give? Maybe being a friend means we can sometimes take. Because when we are giving that means that someone is taking and when we are taking we are allowing someone to give.
I've been going around this thought for awhile. I have a very good friend who calls when she needs help, it's not important what kind of help, what is important is that she knows she can call me and I will be there for her, no matter what. But I don't give her the chance to help me as much. It's not that I don't know she will always be there for me, too, because she is the very best at being a friend, it's that I don't want to take advantage of her kindness. She is a busy person who doesn't need to take on any more burdens or tasks. But am I hurting our friendship by not taking what she is offering in the name of friendship? In the past she has inquired about how I am doing and so as not to burden her I just say things are great...especially when they are not and she has made remarks that have left me feeling like I am not upholding my end of our friendship - I am not giving her the chance to help me, to make me feel better, to ease my burden. Friendship can be complicated.
Lately, I've been feeling distant from her. I know that it's all my doing. It's self-preservation, I tend to distance myself from people when I am not feeling quite myself. It seems like the easy thing to do, keep some distance so that I don't expose too much of myself, so I don't become too vulnerable and really, there is only so much that even a really good friend needs to deal with. She knows when I'm not quite myself and I know she has noticed that I have not been very forthcoming lately. I know she has wanted to help, to offer help but I haven't left that door open to her and for that I am sorry. I value our friendship but lately I haven't been holding up my end.
So maybe being a friend means that you have to let people in, you have to take and allow your friend to give.

Mental health day

2007-08-15T21:38:00.000-04:00

Exhaustion can take it's toll. It can wear a person down, mentally and physically. It can make dealing with life all that more difficult. Sometimes we need to take a day just for ourselves. I say there should be a "mental health day". It can be difficult to take time away, what we need will always be the most difficult to achieve. There are family commitments, work commitments and everything else in between and there will be sacrifices along the way but it's important to step back sometimes and take a rest and get a different prospective on things. It's not necessarily that we have to go somewhere, getting away can be a state of mind. We think that we are letting our family down if we are not always there for them, but being there for them, in what capacity. Are we doing them any favors if we are so exhausted and worn out that we are incapable of being ourselves. I have a friend that I am sure she probably feels that I am crazy when I say I have to walk away every once in a while but I have to, for me and my family. Because there are just those days when it's difficult to keep it all going and it's healthier to walk away than to stay. It's healthier for me and it's healthier for my family. I can go away, even if it's just for a few hours, and come back in a different frame of mind. There are times in our lives when life gets the best of us - kids, husband, work, commitments...whatever, but all it takes sometimes is to just step away and take some time to regenerate, to come back refreshed and with a new approach to life and it's ups and downs.

Catch up time

2007-08-12T22:48:00.000-04:00

It was a girlfriends night. 7 of us met for dinner at Mexicali Rosa's in Aylmer then onto Hull to watch the movie "Stardust". Great movie, go see it.

Tomorrow is day 4 of the new job. I am really enjoying it, I think I have finally found my place. It will take awhile for me to feel comfortable with my ability but it will come with time. All those late night hours playing around learning different computer programs has finally paid off. Today I was Photoshopping, Quarking all on a MAC, never used a MAC before - always been a PC gal.

I know what happened to Harry Potter.

17 more days until back to school. Still have to do some clothes shopping for the kids. Not really looking forward to school starting, kind of like the lazy days of summer and having the kids around. They have been doing exactly what kids should do all summer - sleep and hang-out.

1st. day on the job

2007-08-09T16:42:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day of my new job, it was really a day of training. This was probably the only day of training that I will get that doesn't count as real work because the rest will be 'trial by fire', from now on it will be doing the actual work involved with layout of the newspaper.

This is going to take some re-training of my way of working because I don't usually have such a tight dead-line with any work I have previously done. It's different when you know you have a few weeks to work on, say a brochure, instead of just a few days. I've always liked the ability to take my time and re-jig things until I like the layout. I am being told that I should be able to do an article within a half hour...a real complicated one might take an hour - #$@%

I already like who I am going to be working with. Nancy seems like my kind of person. I've already been told that if I screw up too much she will swear at me - sounds like any one of my friends. Dana, the joker of the bunch, seems like she will be fun and easy to get along with. The Editor is a bit of a crack-pot but I already knew that going in having known him or of him for a few years. The hours seem like they will be pretty flexible, I even got my own office key so that I can go in at anytime to get my work done, don't think I will be doing that for awhile though - best to get a few editions under my belt.

My brother dreamed my death

2007-08-07T00:22:00.000-04:00

My twin brother called tonight. We were talking about plans he has and about me starting my new job on Thursday. In the middle of our conversation he said "oh, guess what, I dreamed about your death the other night." "How did I die?" "Was I old?" His reply to this one was "how old are you now" he always was a shithead. He thinks he remembers it being from some disease. According to him this means big things are in the future for me. I'm wondering what can be bigger than death?!
He did say it was a good funeral.
Jack Ass!

This could be me. This is me.

2007-08-06T22:47:00.002-04:00

This pretty much explains me lately - it was strange reading it because it comes so close to sounding like me - instead of going to bed though I grab my mp3 and go for a walk and try to clear out my head. Having someone to talk to as I walk would be nice but it's hard to tell people how you feel, it's hard for them to understand, I don't really understand it myself. It's so much easier to say "things are good", I've seen eyes glaze over (oh shit, here she goes again) when I try to talk about it. So, I try not to talk about it anymore and at times I distance myself. Distancing seems like an easy solution; not sure I am protecting myself or everyone else.

Day of relaxation

2007-07-29T21:16:00.000-04:00

It was a good day for relaxing, spent most of it on the back deck with my book and some tunes. Got some sun, had a visit with a friend. Friend and I took kids for ice-cream then back to her
place for a swim and a few laughs, which haven't been too plentiful lately. Couldn't ask for a better day.

This is NOT the deck I was relaxing on but having relaxed in the past here I can say this is an ideal relaxing place, will always be one of my favorite places to hang out - with the right companion/s. Doesn't it look inviting?

Can't wait for your next trip home Lora; we'll have a few drinks while enjoying the view - I'll even help with the flowerbeds.

Teenager Home

2007-07-29T21:12:00.000-04:00

Boy home unscathed, bike not so lucky - broken sprocket in the rear. With a broken bike that means the boy will be staying closer to home.

So all is good and safe for another day.

Teenage boys

2007-07-29T12:13:00.000-04:00

Teenage boys think they are invincible. I don't know what Alex does on his 4-wheeler when he and his buddies head out to have fun. I don't think I want to know. So far, he has come home at the end of the day in one piece...well, once or twice there have been a few pieces missing but he always manages to come home. The bike, on the other hand, has not been so lucky. Usually it needs some kind of overhaul. The last time it was something with the rear end. The time before that it was the front end. The time before that it was a total rebuild of the motor...and so on and so on. But Dad, who has first hand knowledge of how well he can handle his machine, seems to think all is well. After all, Alex has been driving a 4-wheeler since he was 1 year old. He started with a battery powered one for his 2nd. Christmas and as he has grown so has the machine. And I do know he is a good rider my problem comes from knowing that when boys get together they can talk each other into almost anything, each one trying to out do the next. And my boy is easily influenced, not always known for using the best judgment.

All this to say he is off on yet another adventure with his buddies. He leaves without too many details on how he thinks his day will play out leaving me to wonder when he will be home and hoping it will continue to be safely. Dad is gone to the camp for a few days so that leaves me to worry and fret alone.

Days like this makes me long for the days when he was just a toddler playing in the yard, always within arms reach - safe.

2007-07-29T11:49:00.001-04:00

My head and emotions have been like this lately...

...but I am starting to feel it clearing up a bit.

hmmmmmmmm

2007-07-28T15:12:00.000-04:00

Ok, found my quiet place, in the grocery store - of all places
Made the mistake of coming home though,
Kids still fighting
Mess they were to clean up still lying around.
Sister screams at brother to leave her alone instead of just leaving the room
Brother teases sister because she screams when he bothers her.
Mother steps in and this time everyone else is shown to a quiet place...bedrooms can be a great place of solitude.
AHHHHHHH, hear the quiet.

Stressed

2007-07-28T11:26:00.001-04:00

Stressed and overwhelmed
Can't stand the noise
Children fighting and arguing
Need to run
Need to escape
Nowhere to go
Who would understand
Can't get the noise to stop
Can't find peace
Why does there always have to be an argument
Why all the noise
Unceasing shouting and screaming
Kids being kids?
Mom overwhelmed
I need a break
Going now
Had enough
Need to find my own quiet place

Latest movies seen

2007-07-17T21:41:00.000-04:00

Evening
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Last Mimzy
Charlotte's Web
The Pursuit of Happiness
Casino Royale
Flags of Our Fathers
Premonition
The Lake House
Dream Girls
Flags of Our Fathers
Eragon
Little Miss Sunshine
Blood Diamond

Latest CDs I bought

2007-07-17T21:28:00.000-04:00

Serena Ryder - If Your Memory Serves You Well
Jessie Cook - Frontiers
Shaye - Lake of Fire

Books I've read

2007-07-16T23:43:00.000-04:00

Plain Truth - Jodi Picoult
The Year of Magical Thinking - Joan Didion
She's Come Undone - Wally Lamb
I Know This Much Is True - Wally Lamb
Tara Road - Maeve Binchy
Glass Lake - Maeve Binchy
Mermaid Chair - Sue Kidd
Whispers and Lies - Joy Fielding
Crow Lake - Mary Lawson
The Other Side of the Bridge - Mary Lawson
Under the Tuscan Sun - Frances Mayes
Night - Elie Wiesel
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou
The Stone Angel - Margaret Laurence
The Diviners - Margaret Laurence
The Fire Dwellers - Margaret Laurence
The Stone Diaries - Carol Shields
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison

Crazy days

2007-07-16T23:32:00.000-04:00

Hormones or the "change of life"... whatever it is I don't like it.
And it's not something I can just shake off, or tell myself it will go away.

2007-07-16T23:15:00.000-04:00

Look what I found...isn't it beautiful - Queen Anne's Lace - grows wild on the side of the road.
It was just standing there all alone, one flower. I couldn't resist stopping to take a picture.

Went out last night to take photos but my battery died so I back tracked tonight with the battery freshly charged.

New Job..

2007-07-14T08:10:00.000-04:00

As a very good friend said,

"Holy crap - you are no longer a house wife - you are a professional!!!!!"

After so many years of being a house wife, and we're not saying that's a bad thing; although it is nice when the 'cell doors' finally do open, it feels great to be doing something I really enjoy. And especially, with so many years of volunteer work I am finally going to be paid for all the stuff I have been doing for free.

I will be working, on contract, at one of the local papers in the production department. Now, this is not a big paper and there really is only one room where we will all be working and it's only put out twice a month but all that doesn't matter, it's the fact that I got the job. Out of 3 that were interviewed I was told I was the best candidate -

1. all the experience I have accumulated from my many volunteer positions I have a wide background in layout and design
2. I am well known in the volunteer community, if they don't know my face they know my name and apparently I have a good reputation - WOW, it's a shock when you hear these things about yourself.
3. I am from the area, which was one criteria for the job
4. and they sort of came looking for me. A friend called and said "you should phone Lynne, she is looking for someone for the paper". Apparently, they had run a couple of ads but hadn't hooked anyone yet. this Lynne had stopped my friend's office to ask her if she knew of someone and my name came up to which the reply was "that's who I was thinking about".

So I did call Lynne and after scrambling to put together a CV, I went to the interview and aced it, or at least out of the 3 who applied I was the best suited, had the most experience, and they were impressed with my work examples. YIPPEE!

So, I guess I am a professional!

Allow me to ramble...

2007-07-12T23:40:00.000-04:00

There was a police stand-off in my quiet little community today. A guy with obvious problems was holdup in his house for most of the day supposedly threatening to kill himself. The local news reports that his parents had called the police because they were concerned over his mental state. How does it become so bad that the only answer a person feels they are left with is to commit suicide? I didn't know but my 15 year old and his buddies watched the whole thing, saw the police shoot the guy. I don't know how I would be feeling after seeing something like that. He said it was really scary. I can't even imagine.

I went for a drive the other day. Couldn't stay in the house any longer. It was Sunday, we had been planning to head to the cottage but it was raining and cold so we were all stuck in the house all day, together. Felt like the walls were tumbling in around me. The kids were arguing. The husband was ignoring it. I felt like a ball of nerves. I was making supper and couldn't get it ready fast enough. I made KD lasagna - threw it together and into the oven, grabbed my camera and ran out the door. While making a mad dash for my van I informed my husband that supper was in the oven, make sure it didn't burn, the kids were driving me crazy, I wouldn't be here to eat, I was outta here. I hit the back roads, cranked up the tunes, and cried. Cried. Not the loud sobbing kind of cry, just the quiet tears running down the face kind. Felt much better after a good cry. But there I was driving down the road hoping I didn't meet someone and if I did I hoped they wouldn't know that I was crying. (I live in a small community where everyone knows everyone)

Stay tuned, I feel the rambling is not completely over...

Chick flick + friends = one great night

2007-07-10T19:17:00.000-04:00

There's nothing better than an evening spent with girlfriends, especially when those same girlfriends are ready for some fun. We went to the AMC Kanata to see "Evening". 4 of us went out early to do some shopping and to take full advantage of a night out...might as well use up as much of it as we can. The rest met us at the theatre just in time for the mopping up - as Kris got up to get more butter for the popcorn my drink was knocked out of the cup holder and poured all over the floor, including the row in front of us which was soon to be taken over by 4 older ladies - notice I didn't say OLD Ladies because as we noted while leaving the theatre that would be us in a few years, if we are so lucky. Anyway,most of the spill got mopped up but most was missed only to become a wet gooey mess below out feet, including the feet of the ladies in the row in front of us.

If you checked out the link for the movie you will realize that it's not a comedy but that didn't stop us, or the ladies in the row in front of us...after the spill and the usual banter about whose fault it was the second half of our group started throwing stuff over my shoulder. OK, yes, sometimes we can act like children...some of you will know exactly what I mean and some of you will be envious of us and those who know what I mean. Every once in awhile it is great to just cut loose and totally relax, without children, without spouses...with our girlfriends, the people we can truly be ourselves with.

The food throwing and the spilled drink ---- and the stress of the last few weeks and the happiness of being able to sit quiet for the entire length of a movie without having to be referee, cook, house cleaner, slave, etc., was enough to have Kris and I laughing beyond control which enticed the rest of our group to join in as did the ladies in the row in front of us. This is when we realized these ladies were out for a good time, too. At first we thought we were bothering them but we realized that wasn't the case when one turned around and asked if we had been "smoking some of that whacky tobaccy". We all had a great laugh.
Then half way through the movie, at one particularly sad moment one of the ladies in the row in front of us went to push herself back into her seat when her foot slipped on the spilled drink and banged into the back of the seat in front of her, all but one of her friends started laughing, one couldn't stop - she had to get a kleenex to wipe away her tears of laughter - this, of course, got us started again.

The end of the movie was terribly sad and I am sure each of us had tears in her eyes. Just when that moment, that inevitable comes that you know you should wipe the tears off your face but you really don't want to do it and make yourself noticed, the one lady in the row in front of us who hadn't been laughing decided this was her moment to ask her friend if she was alright...the comedy relief was very welcomed...it sure cut through the saddness. We could wipe away the tears of sadness and joy together.

We all, 9 + the 4 ladies in the row in front of us, walked out of the theatre together, laughing and enjoying each other and our evening.

It definitely was a Girlfriends night out.

After the movie we ate at Jack Astors then headed to Chapters for books and coffee. The night ended with me rolling up Kris' window while, for whatever reason, her fingers were hanging outside. She did tell say "ow, my fingers are in the window" but I figured she was pulling my chain, as she always does, so I kept holding the button until she finally shouted "stop, my fingers are really in the window!" It shouldn't have been funny but it really was sooooooo funny. In fact, it was a hilarious ending to a perfect night.

Can't wait to do it all again...real soon. Of course, I don't get to pick the movie, next time they want a comedy...geez, there's nothing like a good cry with friends especially when we can laugh about it and each other.

Back to normal

2007-06-24T16:06:00.000-04:00

Ben is back home. He had a marvelous time, wishes he could have brought his new friends home with him. I hear the kids ran after the bus as it pulled away from Codroy. He brought an accent home with him, guess that was unavoidable...it was so cute to hear. This was a wonderful opportunity for Ben, for any kid, to be able to go away from home and make new friends and learn about their way of life and to walk away from it wishing it could continue. He was definitely glad to be home but sad about having to leave his friends behind. I am glad he got to experience this with his friends from home, as well. This is something they will share and have in common for the rest of their lives.

School is out - YIPEE! although it comes with a bit of sadness...Ben and his gang are off to high school. It was a good year. I work at Ben and Sarah's school as a noon supervisor and I volunteer as much as possible. I have followed the kids in Ben's grade right from Pre-K - gotten to know them, got to share a lot with them - it's been a remarkable journey - to see the growth and changes over the years, to be able to share the hugs and laughter is something most adults don't get to do. Sometimes they share problems, as well. That's a great feeling knowing you are trusted to share but at the same time it can be sad. It's great to see watch them grow into teenagers and to grow into themselves.

One more sleep

2007-06-14T09:39:00.000-04:00

Missed Ben's 7 phone calls from Newfoundland last evening. Got them on the answering machine though..."someone pick up the phone, I just want to say good-night before going to bed", "hello, anyone there, pick up the phone", "I am so tired, just want to say good-night", etc...poor Ben. I came home and heard the messages and felt so sorry I had missed his calls. I almost called but it was close to midnight Newfoundland time. I'll call this afternoon to say "HI".
One more sleep and he'll be home. I know he is having a great time and will really miss all his new friends but I also know my boy well enough to know that he is counting the hours till he arrives home. It's been a long week.

He was "screeched in" Tuesday night. He was so proud to tell us he is officially a Newfoundlander. I know he will not soon forget these last few weeks.
A card came in the post the other day addressed to "My Quebec Family"...Ben's 'Newfoundland twin', she wanted to say she missed us and to thank us for making her "feel at home". It's a great feeling to learn about the impact you can have on people. Miss you Em, our door is always open!

Ben, can't wait to have you home.

"Happy Birthday to Me"

2007-06-14T09:32:00.001-04:00

I'm at the age where I don't like to acknowledge my birthday but my friends relish in it.
I guess there is the fact that I am healthy and happy and still alive but I don't like that the numbers keep getting bigger - the up hill climb is difficult. 30 I had a hard time with, 40 was ok...but the big 5-0 is going to be tramatic - and for the record, I'm not there yet. I remember being a 17 year old and thinking 25 was soooo ancient.
And that's all I'm going to say...I'm now in age denial.

Lonesome in Newfoundland

2007-06-12T07:56:00.000-04:00

My traveler is lonesome but having an awesome time. Imagine having a bonfire by the ocean!

Newfoundland bound

2007-06-09T12:13:00.001-04:00

Ben and his buddy Matt are Newfoundland bound. The bus pulled out from Shawville at 9am. The plane will just have taken off from Ottawa Airport - 12 noon. After spending a few hours in Toronto they will be in Newfoundland by 9 or 10 pm Newfoundland time.
Ben has called 3 times already, he makes me smile - miss ya 'Benjamina'. (When Alex went on his SEVEC exchange he only called once - my boys are so different.) I am wondering what he is thinking about his very first airplane ride. I know he will be ok because he is with his buddy, they will take care of each other.

My baby is gone...see you Friday Ben

SEVEC...

2007-06-08T10:15:00.000-04:00

...Society for Education Visits and Exchanges in Canada.

My 11 year old son is off to Codroy Valley, Newfoundland tomorrow with 17 other children from the area, 9 of which are from our community, so he knows most of them from school and one girl is on his soccer team.

Last week, May 26 to June 2 we hosted their "twins" from the Codroy Valley, 25 plus their 4 adult chaperones. It is a marvelous adventure for all the children, but not just the children - the adults have a great time as well. It's a wonderful way to expose everyone to the different regions of Canada, places and events some children may never have another opportunity to experience. I am so envious of my son, hmmm I wonder what the penalty is for being a stow-away these days.

I was surprised when Ben said he wanted to participate in this program. I know that when Alex, my oldest son, did a SEVEC exchange 3 years ago Ben said he couldn't wait to be in grade 6 so he could do the same but Ben is my stay at home child. Alex and Sarah are my travelers, always staying over with friends and going places but Ben only sleeps over at his buddy Matt's house and that is barely 5 min. away - 30 sec. as the crow flies. Just days before Emily, Ben's twin from the Valley, was to fly in with her group he said he didn't want to do this...sorry buddy, too late now. You see, I'm sure part of his problem was that he is an 11 year old boy who was being twinned with a 14 year old girl...but by the 2nd. day they were almost like old buddies. Emily is the youngest of 5 children and an aunt to 2 little boys so she was not about to shy away from Ben. Once he got to know her he had a great time. On the last night she was here they were sitting together on the sofa, same sofa - not at other sides of the room, chatting up a storm about the weeks events and planning how to stay in contact. I am so glad for email, MSN and whatever technology will allow these kids to remain in contact.

As the bus pulled out on Friday morning for the return trip to Newfoundland, our guests reluctantly going home, there was a steady stream of tears, many hugs and plenty of good-byes. It is amazing what a strong bond can be made between total strangers in such a short period of time. Late that evening our phone rings, I pick it up to hear Emily excitedly telling me she was home safe and sound. When I asked what time she got home her reply was that she had "just gotten in the door". It was so heart-warming to know that she enjoyed herself so much with our family that she couldn't wait to call and let us know she was home safe...and that she wants to come back sometime to visit. I hope that will happen someday.

I am reassured, after meeting all these great kids and adults, that Ben will have the time of his life. He has been MSNing all week, getting to know everyone even better.

SEVEC is a wonderful experience and if your child (and you - because as much as it is for the children it envelopes the entire family) ever gets the chance to participate I say let them do it, the rewards are plenty.

Relay for life...

2007-06-04T18:35:00.000-04:00

The Relay for life is over for this year. I have a few new aches and pains but they are all worthwhile when you consider the cause and what people with cancer have to go through. It feels great to have been apart of such a wonderful event. Our group raised almost $1900 with the grand total being just over $71,000.
My group, Bacon and Eggs - named after our breakfast group who get together every monday morning after we drop our kids at school, began converging on Leslie Lake as early as Friday evening after soccer. Around 6 pm on the 2nd. we got all decked out in our matching pjs and Relay for Life t-shirts and headed down to the beach for the speeches that would begin the night's event.
The walk started with the "survivors" lap lead by a bagpiper. All the teams formed a line, in pairs we stood across from each other, for the survivors to walk between us. Some of the 'survivors' walked with heads held high, some walked with tear dotted cheeks, some walked with heads bowed and tears flowing. It was very awe inspiring when someone you knew walked past. There were some high 5's, there were gentle hand holds, there were pats on the back. It is a great feat to be a cancer survivor. It was a heart touching moment. After the survivors had completed their lap the teams went out in alphabetical order, which in this case meant "Bacon and Eggs" led the walk. As I walked passed the yet unlit luminaries there was the family of our friend who died just a couple of weeks ago holding each other infront of his just placed luminary. If I didn't know before, I knew then why I was there. As we walked we each knew many people whose luminaries were placed in their honor. You could hear people reading off names. Some memories were very fresh in our minds.
We all walked together as a team for the first couple of laps then knowing we had to pace ourselves over the next 12 hours some of us left the trail for our campsite, waiting to take our turns. We didn't really have a schedule for who would walk when, but knowing at least one of us had to be on the trail at all times we just took turns when we felt like it. Every once in awhile someone would get up and head to the lake to start walking and to find any of our team who were walking and tell them it was time for them to rest. As it worked out we all walked at least 4 hours. Kris, Fiona and I were there when the luminaries were being lit, we took turns lighting a few. I walked from 1:30 am to 4 am...to me I picked the best time. By this time the luminaries were all lit, the moon was almost full and shining on the lake. The path looped along the lake and then up a small incline - the lake was always right beside us, with the luminaries on the other side of the path. As we walked on the upper side of the trail we could see the walkers along the lake. I walked with a flashlight in my hand but rarely used it. It was a very calming atmosphere. At that time of night people walked alone, some walked in pairs - there was some chatter but mostly it was quiet, lots of time for reflection and thought. Around 4 am I took a break and headed back to our campsite. One of our group was still awake, 2 were still walking, one was trying to catch a few naps in her lawn chair and the rest had tucked themselves into bed. Kerry and I watched the dark lift, we heard the birds awaken. I went back out to walk at dawn, the first person I saw was my high school English teacher, she walked with her hands behind her back like she was in a contemplative mood, we bid each other "good morning" and kept to our task. My walking partner woke up and caught up with me shortly after 5. I noticed a lot of our walking was done in silence.
It all wrapped up with the teams joining to complete the final lap. With less than a 1/2 hour of sleep all night I was glad to pack up and head home. I came home, threw my clothes into the washer, took a long hot shower and jumped into bed.
Two sore feet, one sore ankle and one sore knee, it was all worthwhile and I will do it again.
It was good, it was all good.

Too early! Another good-bye!

2007-05-20T10:28:00.000-04:00

As said in this post I am walking in the Relay for Life on June 2. I am looking forward to the camaraderie of the group I am walking with. I am proud of myself for doing this because of the cause. I am saddened, however, that I have another reason to walk. This past week we lost a friend to cancer. 49 years old. Father of 2. Husband. Great guy. Gone too early, he should have had more time. I know that's a cliché but it's so true. It's always so true. 53 is too early to die. These kind of good-byes are hard. I like good-bye when you know it is only for a short time, when you know that tomorrow you will see this person again. That next week you will see this person again.
We take for granted that there will always be a tomorrow to say "good-bye". But sometimes tomorrow is not the kind of day we hoped for. So, we should dwell on 'today' and make it the most it can be, take full advantage of it being here. Don't worry so much about tomorrow...and say "See ya!" instead of "good-bye!"

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-12T20:08:00.000-04:00

Not sure who to credit for this, it was sent to me via email...it perfectly sums up how it feels to be a Mother:

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby
just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having
my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel
so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Waiting and rushing!

2007-05-07T08:11:00.000-04:00

I thought while I waited, yet again, for my kids to get ready for school I would blog...because, after all, sometimes it feels like I have time to write a novel while I wait.
I don't wait very well. I'm a pacer - back and forth, back and forth..."come on, let's get going!" It's like time wasted. But the kids don't see it that way, especially when they're getting ready for school. Now if we were going shopping to buy them something they would be out the door in a flash.

This morning I have breakfast to get to. It's Monday morning and the girls are waiting so I am in a hurry and therefore I am not into waiting. I enjoy our regularly scheduled Monday morning breakfast. It all started innocently one day with a bunch of stressed, tired, over-worked Mom's who just needed some down-time before their week started. We all have kids. Kids whose ages run from 3 to 32...one of the Mom's is a Mom of one of the Moms - I know it gets complicated but we like it that way. I wrote about our age range in this past post.

We all know that waiting eventually leads to rushing.

Wait! That seems to be a familiar word around our house. Like I said, I am not a waiter. BK or before kids, I was always on time and maybe even early for events. Now, after kids, I hardly remember the last time I was on time. Or maybe it just seems like I am always late and some of that may be attributed to the fact that I am always rushing here and there. Rushing to get everyone off to school. Rushing to get them to their games - soccer and ball season are in full swing. Rushing to get dinner. And after all the rushing is over for the kids I then have to rush to get my stuff done because I have had so much rushing to do for the kids....and on and on and on...like one of those traffic circles that just keeps going round and round and if you're not paying attention you forget where to get off or even how to get off.

MOM, LET'S GO, WE'RE WAITING...oh yeah I forgot, I'm rushing to get somewhere.

2007-05-05T14:00:00.000-04:00

Finally the weather is co-operating. I have managed to get outside this morning and start working on my poor, neglected flower beds. I really want to do some extra work this year on one that has been here from when my Grandmother owned the house. We bought my grandparent's house from my parents after they had both passed away, my father's parents. And there is still this one little corner of the yard that keeps my Granny with me. I have even managed, over the past 23 years, to keep some of her peonies alive. Actually, the peonies are older than that, I have just been nurturing them for the past 23 years, they are probably almost as old as I am. Over all these years I have also tended to some of Grannies hens and chickens.

Gardening is a favorite hobby of mine...it's a great relaxation tool. I have even been known to get down in my friend's dirt as well. When you see a weed, pull it! It's amazing how much time you can fritter away while working in the garden. When the flowers are blossoming it's a well earned reward. I get my green thumb from my mother. She has always enjoyed her flowers, not that she has ever spent much time tending them...some people just have the knack for having great looking gardens without having to spend too much time working in them. I guess as long as the prep work is dong properly the rest can be leisure time in the garden.

I look at the lawn and realize that time has taken a toll on the lush green grass that once was there, time and the kids with numerous wheeled toys and vehicles, such as bikes, scooters, 4-wheelers and even the snowmobiles. For the past few years I keep saying, this will be the year I reseed...so, maybe this will be the year I finally do just that.

Enough procrastinating, time to get back to work.

New laptop

2007-05-01T20:00:00.000-04:00

I am writting this post on my brand new, very own, Acer laptop...ordered it Friday, picked it up yesterday. Now I don't have to stand in line behind 4 other people waiting my turn on the computer. The kids now say they have their own computer, hey everyone is happy.

Jann Arden tickets and a new laptop...try topping that all in one week.

Jann x2

2007-05-01T19:28:00.000-04:00

I saw Jann Arden in concert for the 2nd time in as many weeks. How lucky!!!
As I was heading to work on Friday the announcer on the local radio station MyFM said there were two free tickets left for the coming Saturday night concert and that the 1oth caller to identify the song would win..."I Would Die For You", from the "Time For Mercy" CD (the yeah,yeah,yeah song that my son used to sing along to...mentioned in the previous post), was the song and I WON - twice, I have won Jann Arden tickets....could life be any better!
This time I cajoled Kris into going with me. We had a great time. Jann was fantastic, as usual.
I have wanted to see Jann in concert everytime she has come this way but have never gotten to see her.
Even with bacterial conjunctivitis I still enjoyed the show...which is getting much better now with the help of eye drops although I sometimes miss my eye. Kris and I made a great pair driving home, one with a bad driving leg and the other with bad eyes...between us we had 3 good legs and 3 good eyes, more than one driving really needs.

Good Mother

2007-04-19T09:15:00.000-04:00

My 9 year old daughter and I shared a great time together Monday evening.

Jann Arden was coming to Ottawa. I wanted so badly to see her, have wanted to for a very long time. I have every CD she has made. I can still hear my oldest son singing along, as a 2 year old, in the back seat to the "Yeah, yeah, yeah" verse of "I would die for you". The day I bought the CD we were shopping in Ottawa and we had to play that song over and over and over again just so he could sing along. It was priceless. He was joyful.

So, Jann's coming to Ottawa and I'm not going...circumstances, I asked a friend but she was busy, then I thought it was too frivolous to spend the money, not that it was alot but finances are tight right now so I just let the idea drop, again. Then along came a contest in our local paper for the chance to win 2 Jann Arden tickets...why not, I thought. Why not indeed, I WON!

Same friend still busy so I thought it was a great chance to spend some quality time with my daughter. Besides, when she found out I had won the tickets she asked if she could go with me...by this time I had already asked my friend so daughter was disappointed.

Sarah's favorite song is "Good Mother". So I, being a good Mother, won brownie points Monday night. Straight after school we cleaned up and headed to the city. We shopped for an upcoming birthday party, girly stuff, then had supper at Kelsey's. We got to Scotiabank Place early, always fun to soak up the before performance atmosphere.

When we went to get our tickets punched the girl looked at our tickets, checked the seat area then called on another lady. Always the pessimist, I wondered OK, what's going on. This older more authoratative looking woman, approached us. I could feel Sarah tense up beside me. She said, you have seats in the 224 level, would you like to upgrade to the 101 level...I tapped Sarah on the back, she grinned, not aware of what good luck we were having...we gratefully excepted the tickets, said Thank you and went on our merry way. Once we were in our seats I explained to Sarah our good fortune by showing her where we would have been sitting, which was alright considering the tickets were free and after all, it was Jann Arden - would there be a bad seat.

Sarah recognized most of the songs before I did. She was singing along and having a great time. When the music started for Jann's last song (before she came back out for her encore in a Sens jersey), Sarah looked at me, smiled and said, "it's my favorite song!" I felt like a "good mother".

Sarah fell asleep in the van almost as soon as she hit the seat. I had a great 1 hour and 10 min. ride home, listening to Jann Arden tunes on the CD player. It was a good day.

If you get the chance to see Jann Arden in concert run, don't walk to the nearest ticket booth. OK, in this day and age it's more like - run, don't walk to your computer and click for tickets.

Upcoming events

2007-04-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

How about some links to upcoming events in and around the Pontiac Valley...

First of all, I'd like to say that I am walking in the Relay for Life, a 12 hour walk to help raise funds for the Canadian Cancer Society, on June 2 and I am looking for pledges...you can following this link to pledge me online... https://secureccs.ca/?inv=ca5603d3-d643-405a-b962-f2076667f943

Come visit:
Pontiac School of the Arts is into it's third year of summer courses, running from July 7 to 15, always the first Saturday to the third Sunday of the month, in the village of Portage-du-Fort, Quebec

How about a little pottery at Atelier du Druide in Campbell's Bay, Quebec

The Pontiac Artist's Studio Tour is a wonderful adventure and a great way to visit Fourteen professional artists in 12 studios as you tour through the Pontiac region of Quebec (on the north shore of the Ottawa River, west of Ottawa). The Pontiac Artists' Studio Tour is an annual juried art exhibition. Admission is absolutely free. Everyone is welcome. Artworks are on exhibit and for sale.

The Coulonge Chutes are not to be missed...you can even rent a cabin, or two, for a weekend getaway. Don't forget your camera!

Art in the Park - September 30 at Portage-du-Fort
1 pm to 5 pm...there will be a wide range of art activities for all ages by the Pontiac Artists' Association

Open House: Pontiac Churches
September 29 to September 30
"Discover the Pontiac's unique and diverse religious heritage"
819-648-5217
www.culture.mrcpontiac.qc.ca
bkuhn.cld@mrcpontiac.qc.ca

And not to be missed is the Shawville Agricultural Fair
August 30 - September 3 (Labour Day weekend)

Come visit, you won't be sorry you did!
You'll just wonder why it took you so long!

How to feel like you don't belong?

2007-03-22T22:35:00.001-04:00

Try being an English speaking Quebecer.
Try being an English speaking Quebecer working the polls at a Quebec election.
Even better, try being an English speaking Quebecer working the polls at a Quebec election and having to do training in French. Thank goodness they made a few English manuals.
Better yet, being an English speaking Quebecer who was born in this province and who has lived here all your days but you feel like you don't belong.
It's not the greatest feeling to know that you are considered a second-class citizen. That you are not considering equal and that someone can take away your rights when it comes to the simplest of rights...freedom to have instruction in the language of your choice.

The French here in La Belle Province lament that their rights are being taken away...hmmm...can't say as I totally agree with them.

Daylight saving time.

2007-03-11T19:03:00.000-04:00

It's 7:03 pm and it's still daylight. I love 'daylight saving time'!

It's been a great day. My husband took all 3 kids and headed to the camp with the snowmobiles and some friends. I have had the most relaxing day that I can remember having for a very long time. Kids were on March break last week, a week earlier than the Ontario break. They just about drove me crazy. Up until Friday it has been so blessed cold here that no one has wanted to go outside. The wind has been blowing and wind chill has been almost unbearable at times. So, it is about time we get some great weather. Today, along with the longer day we also got above 0C temperatures. What more could one ask for.

Spent some of the day doing volunteer work, the quiet was just what I needed to do some finalizing on two brochures I have been working towards deadline on. One is the Pontiac School of the Arts course brochure for 2007 and the other is the brochure for the 2nd. Annual Shawville Jamboree. The website still needs some information but it's coming.

Day is slowing fading into night with a wonderful sunset...hues of pink. It's 7:20 and I can still see light...love it! Blue Rodeo is playing on the radio, "Bulletproof". One of my favorite Canadian bands.

I also took time to today to take a drive in the countryside for some late winter photos. We didn't have much snow this year so I wanted to take the opportunity to grab some shots before it's all gone...the week is supposed to be quite warm so it won't last long.

Darkness is upon us!

It's all good!

What's going on...

2007-03-04T21:59:00.000-05:00

Finally, we got our first snow storm of the season...that it only came last Friday, March 3 is fine with me, what better time to have a first snow storm than just before spring so it can all melt away.

Kids are on March break. Not sure what we're going to do. With the husband about to loose his job we're not making big plans. Although, I envy my friends who can go away every year for a family vacation to somewhere warm. I think there are plans to head to the camp in the woods with the snowmobiles....not me, the kids and Dad. I prefer the city to the bush, so if that is their plan my plan is to head into Ottawa for a shopping trip with Viv.

We turn the clocks back next week which means more daylight. I love this time of year when the daylight sticks around a bit longer. Helps get rid of the gloom of the February blahs.

Prepping a couple of photos for an art exhibit at the Café 349 to be exhibited with instructor and student works from the last two years of courses at the Pontiac School of the Arts.

Went to the most hilarious comedy show, Women Fully Clothed, last weekend at the Centrepointe Theatre in Ottawa. If you ever get the chance to see these ladies in action I recommend you don't pass it up. I went with 5 friends and we all had a great time. We laughed so hard we had to wipe the tears away. This was a great group of friends to go to such a show with. When we weren't laughing at the show we were laughing at each other. There is nothing like a good laugh especially with friends.

Spring is on it's way!

2007-02-27T11:29:00.000-05:00

Spring can't come too soon. I think I have the "February Blahs".
I've been grumpy, ok, so maybe that doesn't count. What about:

tired or maybe it's blah
cold and blah
feeling the need to hibernate, blah
feeling non social, blah
restless, blah
blah, blah, blah

Spring and summer are my seasons. I love to bike, work in my flower gardens, walk, take photos - anything that requires me to be outside.
As I'm sitting here typing my fingers are cold and it's not from lack of heat because where I am sitting there is no shortage of sunshine. I am in the living room that is very bright and sunny. It's my favorite room in our house because it is so bright. The last few weeks have been so cold, most nights have been in the -20C or colder ranger and if sometimes we have had to contend with a wind chill which could take it into the -32c range. Just not ideal weather for feeling good.
Knock on wood, though, no one in our house has been ill. Watch, now that I've said that we will all come down with something. Even my friends and their families have had good health, ok, maybe not Kris who had a bout of bronchitis but I think that was just her body's way of saying "you need to slow down".
But the forecast is calling for milder weather with a lot of sunshine for the next couple of weeks...maybe just long enough to get us through March break - which starts this Friday here in Quebec.

It's time to get my shit together. It's time to stop procrastinating. It's time to get happy, happy, happy. It's time to enjoy life. It's time for SPRING! Bring it on!

Just thoughts

2007-01-18T17:50:00.000-05:00

Hi Lora...

What was that you said,

"Keep taking a visit to your blog with NO updates.....geesss get off your ass."

I am here, just don't know how to write down my thoughts lately.

WARNING: the following content might cause depression or atleast longing for when we were younger and we weren't bothered by anything except for maybe when was the next party and the chance to get drunk.

It seems like there is always something happening. Some of it good but a lot of it is bad or sad.

People die - Vivian lost her father to a heart attack just before new years.
People are growing old...I have noticed my family - mother, mother and father-in-law (my father is dead 13 years this Feb.) are looking older so that must mean that I am starting to look older. Ok, maybe I am beyond the starting phase.....but I know I am not alone, right ladies - Lora and Kris

-I'm not going down that road alone.

But it is not so much my own aging that bothers me...Sarah, my baby, just celebrated her 9th. birthday. We had a party on Sat. with 8 of her friends - 7 girls, one boy. The boy, Riley, being the token male...all the girls have a crush on him. He and Sarah were "going out" until just this past Monday when he started "going out" with her friend Ashley. Going out, what does that mean at 9? I am not ready for this. I thought I had another 3 or 4 years until I had to deal with that, "going out". Is it because she is a girl? I have not had to worry about dating with the boys - Alex is 15 and Ben is 11. Hey, I'm not complaining, believe me. But not having had to deal with this before I have been caught unprepared. She was in tears on Monday over the breakup. I know, she's 9 so it is really not a break up but to her it was the end of the world. How do you make it alright without making it seem silly. Without making her feel that you are not taking her feelings serious. I knew that within moments or even seconds she would have practically forgotten about it but at the time it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her or that will ever happen to her. We're over that now but it just makes me see that she is getting older, not so much the little girl anymore.
-----------------------------------------------------
I've been thinking about my friend Vivian lately and about how she is coping with the death of her father. I was there the day my father died. Even though we were not real close it still had a very big affect on me. For months I couldn't sleep without dreaming that I, too, was dying. I would wake up drenched in my own sweat. I would be terrified. I hated going to bed because I knew I would have those dreams. I don't really remember much of the detail of those dreams but I do remember the panic, the dread.
I remember how sad I felt when we drove away from the grave site, knowing that we were leaving him there all alone. I know Kris, he's really not there. But I looked back at the casket, visualizing him lying there, inside that box - alone. We were leaving and not taking him with us, for the first time in my 32 years...and I cried. I remember that being the one and only time I cried over my father's death.
----------------------------------------------------
Today I almost stared death in the face again. My friend Kris called asking me for two favors. One, she needed the number of the local Vet. She couldn't find her phone book, she can never find her phone book. I saw it there once though. The other favor was, depending on what the vet said, she might need my help to get Riley, a big old chocolate lab - definitely one of the family - into her Jeep. Riley has already been diagnosed with a very bad heart. (Last fall the vet said it is very hard to tell how much longer he has.) This along with seizures. But to look at him you would never think he was anything but healthy and happy. He comes at you with his tail waging, his whole body waging...many a time I have been at Kris' doing something on the computer and he has made himself comfortable at my feet, making me feel like I belong there. Riley is 12 year old daughter Kaigh-Anna's best buddy. What time is the right time for your children to say 'good-bye' to a pet that is no longer just a pet? Do they see him suffer? Is this the lasting impression they need to witness? Is it better they say good-bye before or after he is gone? As parents, is that a decision we can make?
We bundle Riley up and carry all 100+ pounds of him out to my van and I know we are both hoping he does not die in my van. By this time he's already had 3 seizures. More than he has had at one time. At the vet's office they are waiting for him. Kris and I carry him into the room and lay him on the floor. His heart is beating so fast the vet cannot count the beats. The seizures keep coming with no let up. How much can this old boy take? How strong is his will to live? The vet gives him a needle to calm him, hoping once he is calm his heart will start to beat properly. She then slowly administers a shot of valium, hoping to further calm him so his heart can get a chance to rest. He stops breathing. He lifted his head, licked his nose and fought to live. He is not giving up. The vet is giving him compressions to start his breathing again. The seconds go by and nothing, no breath. Kris is telling him he has to breath for Kaigh-Anna. She is rubbing his nose, soothing him. The vet is doing her best to keep him alive. Her assistant runs for more medication. After what felt like forever but was in reality probably 1 0r 2 minutes he breaths. We all breath. I don't know if I was holding my breath but I remember giving a sigh and the vet's assistant taping me on the leg and telling me I can breath again. Tears are on Kris' cheeks. Tears are welling up in me. You could feel the relief in the room, we had witnessed a great will to live.
I came home and hugged my own dog, the pain in the ass that he is. And he got two milk bones instead of the usual one.
Later that day I got a phone call from Kaigh-Anna..."thanks Bonnie".
I could say I really didn't do anything. You know how we all get modest and say "ah gee, I didn't do nothing more than I was asked to do. It was really nothing." But I won't say that this time because I am fortunate to have had any part in helping Riley and his family. To do anything less than acknowledge any help I gave would somehow not do Riley's 'fight-to-life' justice. And there is no way I could tell Kaigh-Anna and Matt (Kaigh-Anna's twin brother) that I felt I had done nothing...because that would belittle what Riley went through and to slough it off would imply the day's events were not that important and/or that I wasn't willing to do anything I could to help. And I know that whatever I did meant an awful lot to them.

Hugs...

It's beginning to look a lot....

2006-12-13T08:22:00.000-05:00

Come on, sing along with me....

It's beginning to look a lot like SPRING - WHAT! Yes, all that snow that fell is disappearing fast. We're having warm temperatures and rain. Santa may have to put on a wet suit to deliver presents in our part of the world.

We'll get plenty of the cold stuff when it does finally come but at least a white Christmas would be nice.

I remember one year when I was a kid we almost had a green Christmas. Now, living in Quebec that is something that is very rarely experienced. Dirty brown stuff was sticking through the disappearing snow patches. We lived on the farm at the time so we saw lots of dirty brown stuff.

Especially as a kid, we wanted snow. My grandparents lived across and down the road from us. They walked to our house because they felt it was safer to walk than to take the truck out on the roads. My brother and I went to meet them because we were so afraid one of them was going to fall and get hurt. We all made it back to the house unscathed.

I wonder what next week will bring.

Tree hunting party

2006-12-04T14:07:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again, a time we all look forward to and talk about with great anticipation...the tree hunting day. A day we gather together, new friends and old at Sandra and Harry's for an all you can eat brunch, we all bring way too much food, and then after eating far too much we don our winter wear and head for the bush. This year we didn't have to go as far, the old gentleman we buy our trees from had gone ahead and cut some trees for us...he anticipated the winter weather and was worried some of us might not be able to maneuver through the snow. Not sure if it was the vehicles or the people he was worried about. At first we lamented, well some of us, that we would not be going for a hike through the bush but Kris soon changed everyones mood when she started a giant snowball fight. Yes you did!

Yes, as much as Kris, the biggest kid of the bunch, insists she did NOT start the snowball fight we all know, and agree, who was the instigator.

(this is a 'get Kris' moment)

Until Friday we didn't have any snow and then we got just enough to make the day complete. It snowed all Sunday afternoon, making it all the more festive and fun. This day has become a tradition, one that I know all of us hope lives on for many years to come.

2006-12-01T11:03:00.000-05:00

and it just keeps on snowing....this is a half hour after the previous photo

Winter has arrived

2006-12-01T10:14:00.000-05:00

Lora, you will be happy to know that we are finally getting snow. It's only -3 but compare that to yesterday when it was a balmy 15. Yech! Ok, so the snow looks pretty but it means COLD! I am a 70f and higher kind of person. Only 3 more months till SPRING!

Sadness

2006-10-23T14:29:00.000-04:00

Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you.

If they speak, you break down.

~Bede Jarrett

So, what do you say when a friend looses her child. A child not yet born. A child she never had the chance to hold in her arms. A child just hours, moments from his/her birth day. A child she will never get to know. A child she will love for the rest of her days.

You say nothing, unless she asks you to, because nothing can or will make a difference. But, you can be there if and when she needs you to be.

"Friends are the pillars on you porch.
Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes they lean on you,
and sometimes it's just enough to know that they are standing by."
author unknown

2006-10-15T23:08:00.000-04:00

Growing up

2006-10-15T23:05:00.000-04:00

It's tough growing up.
It's even tougher when you're a parent, an adult, and you realize that there is no end to growing up.

And tougher yet is the realization that with growing up comes an endless amount of learning. Learning to be a good parent. Learning to be a good spouse. Learning to be a good friend. Learning to be all that you dreamt you were going to grow up to be. Learning that you may not have grown up to be what you had dreamt you would be.

When you're a kid you can't wait to be an adult because then life is so easy. You are the boss.

Until you grow up and realize that growing up is not as easy as you had thought it would be.

But with learning we grow.

So, do we learn to grow?
or
Do we grow to learn?

Any piece of knowledge I acquire today has a value at this moment exactly proportional to my skill to deal with it. Tomorrow, when I know more, I recall that piece of knowledge and use it better.

– Mark Van Doren

2006-09-18T21:48:00.000-04:00

Hi Lora

You called at just the right time tonight, while I was trying to write a good-bye to a friend.
You called just when I needed to hear from you, just when I was realizing that we don't stay in touch. We as in friends and family, we as in people that we love and care about, we as in friends who are far away.

It's been weeks since we've talked. Even if it's just long enough to say "hi, how are you", that's all it takes.

I am going to make a promise to myself to get back intouch with friends that I have been out of touch with for far too long. Friends are an important part of our lives. We need to keep them in our lives

Kris, thanks for stopping by at just the right time. You always know when is the right time.

53

2006-09-18T21:35:00.000-04:00

Got news that a friend had died today, Marilyn was her name and she was only 53 years old. Two girls, the youngest just leaving home to attend college. Marilyn just started a new job she really loves. Just got her house decorated the way she has always wanted. Just getting things working with her husband after many not so good years.

She found out this past summer that she had a tumor. There were problems with her liver and lungs. Went in last Friday for surgery to have one lung removed. She went into a coma and died. Turns out the cancer had spread to her whole body including her head. She was brain dead when they took her off life support. Her heart was still strong but it was time to go.

53 years old!

I knew she was having surgery so when her sister, my friend through whom Marilyn and I became friends, called today I thought she was going to tell me good news. Well, as good as it gets when we're talking about cancer. But to hear that she was dead left me speechless. I could see her, I could hear her. I couldn't believe she was dead. She was such a vibrant person, so full of life. Never said never. What a shame. What a lose. I will miss her

I haven't seen her in nearly 4 years. We should do a better job of keeping in touch. Moments become days, days become weeks, weeks become years.

53 years old!

Being a Victim

2006-09-18T20:51:00.000-04:00

My 14 year old son, who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag, was beat up at school today. He was beaten up by a kid who thought he had been saying things about him. At it turns out another kid had done the talking but said it was my son. So my son, who has been taught not to use his fists - maybe we will have to re-think that, self-defense might not be such a bad thing afterall. Anyway, get a call from the school's vice-principal asking if Alex had made it home from school yet. Everything was ok, Alex was ok, he was in a fight. Actually, he never got a chance to fight because the other kid jumped him, threw him to the ground and started punching on his head and face. Alex's friend came along and threw the other guy off him.

My son got a one day out of school suspension and the other kid who did the beating got 3. The boy that caused the trouble, as usual, he walked away. And I can imagine the smirk on his hateful little face. Yes, I can imagine the smirk because I have seen the smirk before. I have been a victim of that smirk.

I want to see this boy, the one who lied, have to take responsibility for his actions. This is the same boy who has been bullying me for the past 4 years. The same boy who got caught 2 years ago doing mischief and lied about who he was - he gave his name as my son Alex, even went so far as to name the father. This is the same boy who has been caught numerous times doing damage in our town - breaking things, destroying public property, being apart of harassing calls to my house, has given me the finger on more that one occasion. Called me names. Bullied kids at school. This is the same kid whose mother always defends him, as any GOOD mother would do - the difference being that this child is guilty and this mother bullies anyone who accuses him. I have heard of grown men, twice her size, who refuse to talk to her about her son because they are afraid of her. I have heard her described lately as "ugly" and that person didn't mean her physical appearance - she is simply an "ugly person", characterwise.

Recently her son was seen doing mischief & the events were reported to the parents. The mother went around to an innocent person and commenced ranting and raving at him for accusing her son. Now this person had no idea what she was talking about, although he lives in the vicinity where the damage was done, he had not witnessed anything. Imagine, instead of this mother taking control of her 14 year old son she refuses to accept that he really is the monster everyone else knows he is. She blames everyone else for his problems. She blames the school, she blames the teachers and supervisors. She blames the eye witness'. Everyone is just out to get her son. No wonder this child is the way he is. And no one calls the cops because they either don't want to get involved or they don't want to deal with the mother. So this child thinks he is invincible, no one can touch him.

This boy used to be my son's friend. They started in kindergarten together. They had sleepovers, birthday parties, play dates until grade 5 when this boy turned into this monster who only wants to hurt & destory. He ate at my house. He slept at my house. He was welcomed into our family.

What happens to a child to make him change so drastically? Where does so much hate come from?

Is he hurting my son because of how he feels about me? Is this all about me? This is a child who was under my charge as a noon supervisor in elementary school who took great exception to me not allowing him to bully the other kids.

So if he is hurting my child as a way of getting back at me I will see him at the end. What goes around comes around and I am waiting for that day.

No matter how much things change…

2006-08-14T11:59:00.000-04:00

I was privileged to be asked to host a friend’s girls for the weekend which included picking them up at the airport. I was worried about the airport because Lora, the Mom, is constantly telling me how much the girls have changed. I was afraid they had changed so much I wouldn’t recognize them. This friend and her family moved to Calgary last year for her husband’s job. It was a big move, a lot of changing for the friend and her girls. They left their friends and their home, the later of which was something that had taken awhile to find - a breathtaking place on the Ottawa River – home also included acceptance of them and by them of the little village I like to call home. When asked last night how Grace liked Calgary her response was that it was ok but it wasn’t Shawville.

Scene: the airport – Ben and Sarah had gone with me, they wouldn’t have missed it for anything, and they have been waiting for this day for weeks. We arrived at the prerequisite amount of before time, who wants to be late picking someone up at the airport. That would be the worst feeling in the world, especially knowing you were entrusted with your friend’s most treasured possessions. I would never forgive myself if I had been late…to add to the relief that I was on time was the fact that their plane was delayed by 10 minutes, phew!
So, plane lands and the passengers start to disembark. Not only was I worried that I might not recognize them but hey, would they recognize us - after all, it has been a whole year. I supposed I have not changed all that much, slightly different hair, 13 or so less pounds but they will definitely recognize Ben and Sarah. First two girls off the plane, is that them? NO, Lora said Emma had gained like 20 lbs and that Grace was pretty much the same size – these two were almost the same size, definitely not them. Next two girls, NO, smaller than when they left – for sure not them. How many pairs of girls are on this plane, just my luck, more than one set. Finally, Sarah spotted them. Ok, Emma is a little taller and not such a little girl, more like a young woman and Grace hasn’t changed all that much, gotten a slight bit taller and starting to make that change into a young lady as well. Hugs and welcomes. A few seconds of nervousness on all our parts, let’s get the baggage that will give us all time to re-adjust. A few short steps to the baggage claims area and that is about all the re-adjusting anyone needed. Conversation comes quite easily – how was the flight? How is Mom? Bet she wishes she were here now – for sure! Anyone hungry? It was just like old times, a year seemed like only a few shorts days ago. There was teasing about the heft of Emma’s bag, or lack of which as Grace and I tried to convince Emma she was just a weakling. Ben got teased about having his first zit. Oh yeah, forgot to mention we had a great laugh over the fact that we were looking for Grace’s black suitcase which turned out to be blue. We wondered how many times it travelled the carousel before she finally realized. We were having such a good time, we never really noticed. Too funny!

Stopped for food, hmmm, healthy food. Salads, veggies…nothing like McDonalds – no didn’t go there. Hear that Mom! Healthy!

It wasn’t long before I heard “Ben, it’s only been 15 minutes and you’re already bothering me!” This from Grace who is sitting in the middle of the van with Ben sitting behind her…hardly too much like old days. Ben and Grace are the same age - 11, spent two years in the same grade, same class. Slight crush on Ben’s part. AHHHHHHHH!

That first night I had plans to go out to have birthday cake for another friend’s 40^th. Kids didn’t mind and it would give them all a chance to spend some quality time getting to know each other again. Emma plunked herself down on the sofa to watch music videos. Ben, being the only guy for the weekend in a houseful of females, had a friend stay over so he didn’t feel completely out of place. Dad and Alex had already taken off to the camp for some 4-wheeling. A couple of Grace’s friends came by. Everyone just seemed to pick up where they left off. It was just like old times.

Sunday was a planned trip to our cottage with one of Emma’s friends and the friend’s mom – Heather (girl) and Sandra (Mom) who also happens to be my friend as well as Lora’s. Emma wondered how tall Heather was now. Emma and Heather, 14, are friends with my oldest son, Alex. First thing they did when they got to the cottage was to compare heights. Heather’s still slightly taller and probably always will be. There was no awkward moment between these two. Again, it was just like yesterday. Really, as Sandra pointed out, there shouldn’t be any awkward moments between friends and so right she is…true friends can always find each other, they will always be together, no matter the distance in time and space. We noticed that these two always manage to just be themselves with each other. You know how there are some people you just can’t be yourself with, not the case here. They are completely comfortable being silly with each other, and really isn’t that the true test….who better to be silly with than a real friend.

It was hard to leave the cottage, everyone was having so much fun. There was food, who could forget the s’mores, water fights which somehow Sandra was the only one who managed to stay dry and a trip down the lake in the paddle boat, complete with camp songs to entertain everyone within earshot. They swam, played in the mud, ate junk, played games in the cottage, laughed, joked, talked, teased. There was a pine cone fight, I hear wet pine cones really hurt, someone got locked in the shed, someone else got locked in the outhouse - EW! it was all good.

Alex was home ahead of us. First thing Emma said to him was that his voice was deeper. He just smiled, walked past her and started to help clean out the van. Something to note, Alex wouldn't normally help clean out the van. He has been like the rest of us, patiently/impatiently waiting to see how much they have changed. After spending a few hours with Heather and Emma watching movies he agreed, Emma hasn’t changed that much, She is still Emma, she is still exactly as he remembers her.

There is now a party planned for sometime Saturday with more friends. Life is good!

So it is true, the more things change, the more they stay the same! Thank goodness!

Been to the cottage...

2006-07-31T16:45:00.000-04:00

With my father-in-law threatening to sell the family cottage, which he owns and maintains - but really, one day it could be ours, we are trying to get in as much cottage time as possible. Secretly, I don't think he is really serious - I hope not!

OMG, I needed this weekend of relaxation. I even managed to get in some reading time - big joke is that the last book I read took me 4 years. I highly recommend 'The Mermaid Chair' by Sue Monk Kidd. Bought it Wed. at Chapters and finished it on Sunday while lazing in the sun...beautiful gentle breeze coming off the lake...need I say more.
Doug, Alex and Sarah did a lot of fishing while Ben and I did the reading. So surprised, actually, that Ben had taken his book and that he would often come sit along side me on the dock to read. How many times did we both comment on how quiet and relaxing it was.

Kids woke Sunday morning at 5:30 to check out the lake...Ben rushed in to tell me I needed to get out my camera and take some pics of the mist rising off the lake. Of course, I couldn't resist. Alex and Jack even tried some onshore fishing in the early hours. Jack is becoming quite the fisher-dog...everytime someone grabbed a pole he was right along side. Didn't miss a ride in the boat either. And how many times did he chase the four-wheelers!? By Sunday afternoon he was a wasted doggie.

And what is a trip to the cottage without a campfire and s'mores.

Good to visit but better to be home...

2006-07-25T15:03:00.000-04:00

I highly recommend a portable DVD player when traveling with kids...hardly heard a peep out of them the whole way to Toronto and back again, 4 1/2 - 5 hours each way. Thanks to Kris for the loan, I didn't have to leave anyone of the three on the side of the 401.

First stop, Toronto Zoo. Hot, hazy and humid...that pretty much tells all...even the animals were feeling the heat - they weren't real receptive to their many visitors. I sadly realized that this was most likely our last visit to the zoo. Alex, being 14, really wasn't into it - been there too many times already. Ben was a little more interested and Sarah, well as she put it - "the last time I was there I was too small to remember". But really, how many times can you revisit the zoo without it becoming ho-hum. Oh, well, we realized there is so much more to Toronto that we have yet to see so future visits will mean more places to explore and as the kids grow their tastes change so, onward and upward...still sad - means everyone is growing up.
Ben and Sarah could hardly wait to reach the 'splash zone' and with it being so hot the rest of us were just as anxious.

Casa Loma was Sarah's pick of places to visit. Lady Mary Pellatt was the first Commissioner of the Girl Guides of Canada so that sparked Sarah's interest since she, herself, is a Girl Guide - 2nd. year Brownie to be exact. So she had to take lots of photos to take back to her troop. Unfortunately because of the rain we didn't tour the gardens, which are amazing. We took turns borrowing my brother's umbrella for a quick peak.

Bass Pro Shops, need I say more...we had to throw in one destination for the guys. Ok, I will admit, Sarah and I loved it too. It is an experience all in inself, even during rush hour on friday night.

My favorite place in Toronto is Harbourfront Centre. What a bustle of activity, all on the water. But even with all the activity going on it is still such a relaxed mood. People strolling along the boardwalk. Buskers performing, music all around, ferry moving people to and from the Islands - if I lived in Toronto this would be my place to hang out.w

We ran out of time and energy before visiting the Distillery District, but it is high on my list of things to do next time...my brother's response when I said we would save it for next time - "you're coming back?" Don't know how to take that.
The Beaches are a favorite spot for all of us. We usually save a trip to the Beaches for when we are all exhausted and need a place to relax.

With 1100 K. on the van and almost as many on our feet everyone was glad to be home, Toronto is great to visit but our little quiet village is the place to be.

It's written in the stars

2006-07-18T22:36:00.000-04:00

My astrology for today, according to the Ottawa Citizen reads:

"A sudden change in a friendship or association will leave you surprised. Be willing to let some things go in order to make room for the new people, places and things."

Wow, which friend or association will be making such a change? What will I do about this? I can't just let this go. This has had me on pins and needles all day. Haven't heard from a particular friend, she usually calls at least once a day, maybe she is the one. What will I do? This will change my life in ways I am not prepared to deal with. What do I do? What do I do?

Honestly, do people really believe these things! Imagine if we let this sort of thing rule our lives. We would be the walked wounded, the forever paranoid.

OMG, which friend!

2006-07-16T21:50:00.000-04:00

Spent the day at the cottage. I feel so much better. I did nothing but relax.
The boys slept. Doug, Sarah and Jack went paddle boating, fishing, swimming...basically everyone left me to myself - which never happens. I must have looked as bad as I felt.
Plugged my mp3 into my ears and sat and listened and rested. And since I was left to myself I sat on the shore all afternoon in a very comfy chair. I finally finished a book I have been reading for 2 weeks. Got a chance to read the newspaper, entirely. Only got up when I felt like it. Stuck my feet in the lake, sat back down and relaxed some more. And I even got time to take a few photos.

If only every day could be like this,
just what I needed!

What a day!

Sleep doesn't come easy!

2006-07-16T21:27:00.000-04:00

I feel like a puppet on a string, so afraid that someone will cut my life-lines and I will crumple to the ground. It is difficult to do the simple task of standing. I feel as if my legs no longer have the strength to hold up my body.
I used to sleep like a baby. As a teenager I could go all night and sleep all day and even without proper sleep I would still continue to go because, as teenagers, that's what you do - party till you drop then get up and go again. It's strangly amusing that as an adult we continue to do the same only it's no longer partying, it's living, it's mothering, it's working and existing.
I can no longer survive on 5 hours a night. I usually wake up just as tired as when I went to bed. My life has become a routine of sleepless nights.
A friend said "I don't know how you function!" For the 1st. time I admitted, out loud, that I am not functioning, that most days I am only existing in a body that struggles to hold me up.

Losing my mind!

2006-07-01T23:09:00.000-04:00

Mid-life crisis, pre-menopause, stress, or stupidity - not sure what my problem is - maybe all of the above.
I freaked out at one of my son's friends tonight.
It's a long story and one that I thought I had survived but after tonight I am not so sure.
I am a noon-supervisor at my kid's elementary school. Over the years I have come across some rather unsavory characters.
Boys will be boys! How many times have I heard that remark?! Well, as an answer, I have two boys, my friends have boys, my brother was once a boy and they never would have thought of making someones life a living hell. I have gotten harassing phone calls, my kids have been taunted and teased, I am verbally taunted when I walk, drive or bike down the street. I've had my windows banged on. I've had mothers tell me it is all my fault, that their boys are 'just being boys!", that I have picked on them in school. Sorry, if I have a problem with not letting kids beat up on other kids. Sorry, if I take exception to being called names on the playground. Sorry, if I stand up against bullies. Considering I am the one being harassed, who would you consider to be the problem? And these boys are no longer in the same school where I work but they are still causing me problems.
Well, back to tonight. I had just gotten up and walked across my living room to go into the kitchen to let my dog out the back door when I saw a bunch of kids walking up the street. Today is Canada Day and there are people about so I was watching them go by when I noticed one of them duck under some trees at the edge of my property and I heard my name mentioned. Needless, to say I am a bit cautious when I see a gang of kids...I live in a small town and I know all the kids - so in this gang of kids I saw one or two kids who have, in the past, have been with the "bunch" that has caused me problems. So as I approached my open front door they ran. Naturally, I thought they were up to something. They didn't stop, they kept on going up the street...or so I thought. I mumbled to myself that they were just a bunch of little shits and continued with my intended job of letting my dog outside.
So, out the back door Jack and I go. I tie him to his leash and decide to have a seat on the back porch to enjoy the last few minutes of daylight. That's when I could have sworn I heard my name mentioned and noticed a bunch of kids in the neighbour's yard. I realize these kids cut through the backyards to get to my neighbour's. The neighbour's son is a friend of my son and from time to time some of the "bunch" that has caused me problems will hang out at his place. My son's friend is a good kid. I have been around enough kids to be able to tell the good from the bad.
Next thing I know this bunch of kids start coming towards my house via the neighbour's backyard. I am sitting watching, waiting to see what, if anything, will happen. I get up so they can see me and hopefully their seeing me will deter them from doing anything. As soon as they see me they all scatter. The one kid that is left, and not running is my son's friend so I call him over to my yard and I immediately begin to act like a complete lunatic...yep, I lost my beans, I ranted and raved and told him I thought he should know better than to hang out with that bunch of kids and that he should pick his friends better. I went on to try to explain that over the last 3 or 4 years some of those kids have made things very difficult for me (he is new to town, only been here a little over a year) and that I have in the past called the cops and I have been told by the police to continue to call them if I have more problems and that I would hate for him to be with these kids when and if they do something stupid - good kids hang with bad kids but that doesn't make them bad kids too, just makes them kids...wrong place at the wrong time.
I said that I had heard my name mentioned and that I wasn't having anymore of their trouble. He told me he didn't remember hearing my name but heard them say Bubba, my son's nickname. Bubba - sounds close to my name so thinking this kid is a good kid I start to calm down, start to feel like a complete idiot, start to realize I might have made a mistake, I might have overreacted. Ya think!
He tells me they were just cutting through the backyard on their way to the fireworks display at the fair grounds, couple of blocks away. So, I picture the kid in the front yard moments before ducking under the trees, most likely he is trying to find a safe place to cut through the yard to get to this kid's place before going to the fireworks. And I picture the same bunch of kids cutting back through the yards to get where they are going. And then I picture this same bunch of kids, with the neighbour's kid who I know has been told before to not cut through the yards and to stay off other people's property (told by his parents), figuring they were going to get into trouble for cutting through the yards...shit! I am an advocate for safe kids. I will go out of my way to make sure kids are happy, healthy and safe - afterall, that is the attitude that got me into this trouble - I believe in protecting the innnocent. Here were innocent kids, having gotten together to have fun by watching the fireworks on a beautiful summer night, at the beginning of their summer vacation doing what comes naturally to kids - getting where they want to go as fast and as easy as possible and I wasn't even part of their plan - leave the crazy lady alone is what they will be saying from now on.
If I could have fallen off the face of the earth I would have. If I could have erased the last 5 min. I would have. Here is this poor innocent, good kid looking at me like I have lost my mind. He apologizes for going on my property. By this time I am calmed down enough to tell him he has nothing to apologize for and that I owe him the apology. I continue to tell him how sorry I am and that he can walk through my yard anytime he likes, just watch out for Jack's rope - after all this I would hate to see the poor kid clotheslined.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! I thought I was over it all, nothing really bad had happened for about 6 months but apparently not. I know it has really shaken me up in the past but this really made me realize that I have to let it go, that I have to forget about it. I can't change it, I can try to stop it but with a different approach. No more expecting the worst, no more thinking they are out to get me...and in doing so I am taking away their strength. Right? Right!
And to make myself appear to be a responsible adult who knows when she has made a mistake and knows when she has to correct it I knew I had to seek out these kids and apologize. Little did I know that I would continue to sound like a raving lunatic. Note to self, when you are upset, take a day to calm down and get your bearings...don't go trying to make amends when you are still upset and cannot control your feelings. You come off sounding like a blathering idiot.
Now I have to go and try to explain myself to the neighbours - the good kid's parents who happened to come to the door while I was talking to some of the kids on their front step. (the mother said to her son "who is this person?" I know she was thinking why is she almost in tears in my yard, while talking to these boys. PICURE IT, IF YOU WILL!) I need to try to explain to them that I really am not so crazy, that I was just very upset. That I was on the verge of tears because I was upset with myself for being so stupid and hard on these kids and that I wasn't over the problems as I thought I was.
Laugh if you will, but this is my life....pre-menopause, sleep deprived, stressed, mid-life crisis, stupidity, the list goes on....it will get better, right? RIGHT?

School's out

2006-06-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

It's been a crazy week, actually it's been a crazy year but the last week of school seemed to be a fitting end to a very busy year.
Monday was our last 'Mom's breakfast' - we meet every Monday morning for breakfast after dropping the kids at school, our time to relax before starting our week. This is a few hours we all look forward to. After breakfast it was off to the school for the 'volunteer appreciation tea' held by the teachers of McDowell to thank all their volunteers.
Tuesday was the grade 5 and 6 annual 36K. bike ride to Wyman via the old railway bed. Ben asked me to go along so how could I refuse. Actually, I was tossing it around in my mind before he asked but since he is the child that demands the least amount of attention I was glad to go along. Ben's friend Matt persuaded his Mom, Kris, to go along too. We had a great time. Kris did a lot of complaining about her sore ass on the ride home. I do a lot more biking than she does so I was ok. I had been trying to get her out biking all spring, bet she wishes she had gotten a little more seat-time in. Her seat problem was good for a few days of laughter.
Wed., officially the first day of summer, was pretty quiet except for soccer. Alex wrote his last exam yesterday so it was off to the camp with Dad and Grandpa for a day of fishing (not back till tomorrow). I was looking forward to them going to the camp, things are always more relaxed when they are gone, two less to look after - meals don't have to be exactly on time....junk food time.
Thursday Ben and I were off to Mont Cascade for the class trip. Got some sun. Ben and his friends had a great time splashing down the water slides. I had a great time, always fun spending time with the school kids outside of school. Well, it was a good day except for when I dropped my Nikon D70s...there was a collective sigh from all the parents in the group because they know my camera goes everywhere with me. I was afraid to look at it. I was afraid it was toast. Not even a year old yet and the first thing that ran through my mind was that I don't have the money to replace it but can't live without it. If you ever have to decide whether or not to purchase a seemingly needless UV filter...GO FOR IT! I have had one on each of my cameras just as a safety cover to protect the lens...boy, talk about cheap insurance...that is all that was broken. Luckily my camera landed on the edge of the filter, the camera still works as good as usual...I was so lucky.
The day ended with a get-together at Wendy's for the Home and School. A few drinks, tasty snacks, a bit of foolishness in the pool, and wonderful friends - what a great way to let off steam after another busy and successful year of fundraising for our children's school. Yeah, sure, I started the water fight...but who got drenched? Always remember, pay back is a bitch! Look-out!
Friday - the last day of school - started with year-end awards handed out at school. Then it was off to the Café for a few mothers for our last lunch - you know, before the kids are out of school for the year....end of our freedom. Kris always has a last day of school pool party which has become a tradition that has followed her from Aylmer. Our kids now look forward to it....swimming, lots of food and drinks...time to let loose one more time with friends before parting for the summer. My kids are lucky, at least the two younger ones, their friends mostly all live in town so they can see them all summer but some kids go the whole summer hardly seeing friends so for some it is hard to say good-bye. I was one of those kids, I lived in the country and had to wait till the fall to see my friends again. Party started at 3 and ended at 8, the kids were becoming water logged by the time we finally hauled the last one out of the pool. If we could get the kids home and settled in there was still time for Me-time at the Café for some much deserved dessert. I spend most of my waking time with kids, either my own or at the school or now that summer is here, with half the kids in the neighborhood - Me-time is valuable...even if it means having a 1/2 hour at the end of the day for a walk or bike ride or dessert at the Café. I have become very aware of my need for downtime. I love my family but, we all need some time away to regenerate.
Not over yet, Saturday was soccer-day which meant spending most of the day at the soccer field, starting at 7:45. As much as I enjoy watching the kids play and as much as they enjoy playing it was time for it to be all over...we are all exhausted and tired of running here and there. The summer means doing what we want, when we want to. It means no routine, no schedules just taking life day by day. The lazy days of summer! Means spending time at the cottage with family and friends. Movie matinees. Bring it on! I am ready! After some much needed rest, that is.
.

Some birthdays are not so bad!

2006-06-14T22:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to me! Today, June 14, I turned 39 (again) - ok, so I turned 45 but I feel 39 and it's my birthday so I get to be as young as I want.
Usually I don't look forward to birthdays. I am at the point in my life where I would just as soon forget about my birthday...except for this year - for whatever reason, not that I was looking forward to it but it just didn't bother me. I really enjoyed this birthday and I have one person to thank...Kris - well, a few people, but Kris is the force behind it all. My birthday actually started on June 4th. when I was surprised with a birthday brunch at Café 349. Kris had asked me the day before if I wanted to go grocery shopping in Renfrew, sure I needed groceries and it is much more fun to go with Kris than to go alone. She said to be ready for 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. So I am up and ready and totally non-suspecting. First before leaving town she informs me we have to stop at the Café to take some photos for her realtor husband. Naturally I was curious why she needed to take these photos so I asked why, she gave me some lame reason and didn't think nothing more of it. I even went in with her, just to hang out and say "HI" to everyone working. As soon as I stepped in Ruth and the staff shouted 'Happy Birthday', I hardly believed it was meant for me, I almost turned around to see who came in behind me...she got me good!
So having had my birthday surprise I was totally not expecting another one today. This morning I met with Kris and a friend of ours to go over details to develope her (the friend) portfolio and website. We had earlier discussed meeting for lunch after I was done with my noon duties at the school, something about Kris being busy and not being able to make it till after I was done working, that's common. I was starved and could hardly wait, my mouth was watering thinking about the ceasar salad with grilled chicken I was going to order. Since I was heading to the Café I asked Viv, another friend that I work with, if she wanted to join us - sure she felt like a cup of coffee. We walked in and the staff, knowing it was my birthday, wished me a happy birthday.
The Café is our local great spot to eat and get the most delicious desserts. And as an added bonus Ruth, the owner, has become a fast friend and we (Kris, Viv and I) are friends with the staff - our kids are all friends, we are on committees together, we party together, we have monday breakfast together - you get the picture...we're friends.
Anyway, innocently I walked in and after the birthday wishes I ask if Kris and Terri have arrived yet, both are usually a little late, (yeah, yeah, I know - never late). I am told no, they haven't arrived yet so I continue to enter the Café and am headed to the counter when I happened to take a look to my left, to see how full the new restaurant part is, and there, to my total surprise, AGAIN, is a birthday party for me - complete with balloons. Kris sitting front and center, happy as all get-out because she has gotten my again. Ok, I have to agree - you're good!
The day started out good but I had a glitch thrown my way which could have made it totally bad but thanks to Kris and Terri and my wonderful friends who feted me again today, it was the bestest birthday I can remember since being a kid.

I have surrouned myself with great friends -
I am lucky.
I am blessed.
I am happy.
I am thankful for your friendship.

Thanks Kris, I am so blessed to have you in my life.
You are grace, you are kindness, you are my friend!
Hugs!

Friendship is a serious affection;
the most sublime of all affections,
because it is founded on principle,
and cemented by time.
(this verse was in the card Terri made for me today)

And except for the glitch, which involed #1 son, the rest of the my day was pretty perfect. Birthday supper at my Mom's with my twin brother and my family. This birthday was good, this birthday I enjoyed, this birthday I will remember for a very long time.

Is it real?!

2006-05-27T12:47:00.000-04:00

The phone rings, "Hi, this is Gail. I don't want to get anyone in trouble but does Ben, not your Ben but Ben S. have a gun outside?" Yes, we live in gun country, purely recreational and not appreciated by yours truly but boys will be boys and then they grow into men who think hunting is a sport.

Thanksfully I knew that
1. the real guns are securely, secretly locked away
2. while just 2 seconds before having checked the comings and goings of Ben and his friends I had seen one of the kids with a toy gun - complete with a scope that does make it look all that more real and frightening.
3. a yardful of boys will find some kind of mischief to get into - although completely harmless - this time.

My neighbour had seen Ben S. in the backyard pointing what looked like a real gun in her direction. She called to find out, hopefully, that it wasn't real and then to explain that she was not a crazy woman for shouting at some rather innocent kids.

Knowing full well what kids can get up to I said she hadn't over-reacted and thanked her for being responsible to call and alert me - in case I was not already aware - and we all know that we really don't have eyes in the back of our heads (but don't ever tell your kids that). Afterall, it wasn't that many years ago that #1 son and his friends shot another neighbour, in the thigh, with a pellet gun. Needless to say, Dad and #1 son got an earful for quite a few days. That was one time when I was compeletly oblivious to what the kids were up to...that is until the neighbour ran into our house and pulled down his pants to show me the red spot on his leg...but that's a story for another time.

Boys and their toys...yes, Kris, Matt was playing with one as well. OH, maybe you didn't want to know that, sorry.

2006-05-24T19:25:00.000-04:00

Bleeding Heart

1st time job

2006-05-22T15:13:00.000-04:00

Son #1 recently started his very first paying job, cutting Nannie's grass really doesn't count - especially when he only manages to cut it two or three times a season.

Last Thursday was his first day on the job. I have been after him for a couple of weeks to go see Ruth at Café 349. He has worked a couple of times for her within the past year taking out the recycling and it's not like he doesn't know everyone there, they are all my friends and the kids and I practically live there...it's so great to have a non-smoking place wtih great eats.

Saturday evening he worked 4 - 10, there was an anniversary party booked. He was so excited he was gone by 3:30 - we live 5 min. away (walking distance). Shortly after 10 p.m. he called for a ride home, "Mom, we're almost done. Come and get me." As I was stopped at a red light (at our only set of traffic lights - two steps from the Café) he came out of the Café, complete with the biggest grin I have ever seen. He walked down the street like he owned the whole town. I don't know who was more proud of him, me or himself. Turns out the dinner was for our neighbors and half the people he knew. The biggest hit of the night was his $20. tip.

The first job - so exciting. I was pretty sure he would be able to get a job with Ruth. I am so glad he is working there, Ruth is good people. Plus since everyone is a friend I know for sure he is in good hands and everyone will keep an eye on him. He's a good kid. A complete pain in the ass but what 14 year old isn't.

Recently I was away from home at the QFHSA AGM in Montreal. Part way there we made a pit stop at the Hudson Tim Horton's for coffee and snacks to tide us over till our scheduled dinner at the Dorval Hilton. I took the time to call home to see how everyone was doing. Alex, #1 son, answered the phone. I almost asked who I was talking to. I couldn't believe how mature he sounded. When I got off the phone I commented to my travel partners that my little boy was became a man and that he was doing it without me noticing, right under my eyes. He has a man voice. Yesterday I noticed he has very noticable hair on his legs. WOW! Guess I had better start keeping track of the changes.

I take the pictures...

2006-05-21T22:29:00.000-04:00

...but sometimes not always exactly as I envisioned. I have a friend, for all intents and purposes, we'll call her....oh, I don't know - Kris. Kris has an eye, she has a way of seeing things that I would never have thought of...although the more I see through her eyes I am beginning to see differently through the lens.

I love taking photos, now more than ever before, since puchasing my Nikon D70s last July. I have taken well over 13,000 photos with my Nikon - sadly, my trusty compact flash card finally succummed to exhaustion. Most of those 13,000 photos will never go farther than my hard drive but each one is apart of a great experience. Each one is responsible for taking me a step closer to learning this art. I am completely self-taught, although I would love to have the time and money to be able to learn from a professional. There is only so much you can teach yourself when you start out knowing absolutely nothing about the subject and there is never an end to learning.

Didn't buy my first camers until I was 30 years old, a Minolta 35m when my first child was born but it's only been the last couple of years that I started taking pictures of more than my children and family. Apart from my children, I really don't enjoy taking photos of people. I much prefer scenery - flowers in particular. Not being too self-assured I find taking photos of people too stressful - flowers and scenery will never tell me I am doing it all wrong.

Recently I sold a photo, what a weird feeling - actually selling something. Does this mean I am an artist? Recently I was called an artist by an artist that I know and respect, I looked at that person and thought WOW, coming from you that means something. Knowing this person as I do, I realize that she sees I am doing something i have a passion for. It's going to take me some time to realize that I could be an artist. For now I will continue to take the pictures and continue to see how different things are through the lens.

Although, seeing is starting to become a problem. I have always been blessed with 20/20 vision. Seems the aging process does not give a damn about my passion. I have noticed within the past few months that my arms don't seem to be long enough, much to the amusement of my friends. I finally broke down and went for an eye exam about a month and a half ago. I was told I still had 'youthful eyes' and it was recommened that I not get glasses at that time but that very shortly I would be back. Well, I believe the time has come, quicker than I wanted it to. For normal, day to day stuff I could go a long time without glasses, really just need them for reading - most days, and I say most days because I have come to realize that I am having a problem with focusing - as in with my camera lens...hmmmmm, hard to take a decent photo when what you see as clear really isn't so clear.